Between Mother's Day and Father's Day: Understanding how your parents impact our own parenting and leadership.

Friday, June 23, 2023 @ 7:23 PM

Since this is a season where we celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day I'd like to look at what that relationship does for us and how we can make a difference in the lives of our kids and or staff.

Mom does a lot of the bonding part especially when we're young she helps us belong and matter as well as connect to other people in appropriate ways. She helps create a solid base and a place where we can make mistakes, receive grace and learn how to do things better. This is a place where we begin to learn creativity.

Then as dad enters our life around 4 or 5 years old he begins to take his out of orbit around mom and put the lion in our heart or the fire in our belly. He begins to help us have good aggression as well as help us bridge into the world not to be of the world but to be in the world. As we've been internalizing mom's love we internalized dad's love so we can be independent and know that even though our parents aren't there at the moment we know we are loved and worthwhile.

Of course I'm talking about the ideal situation and sometimes we need uncles and grandfather's and others to help us to come that full distance into adulthood. ( See Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud, PhD and Making Peace With Your Father by Dave Stoop, PhD)

If mom and dad had done a good job it's relatively easy for us to be a parent as well as a manager or leader. We know how to bond with our kids or staff. We know how to individuate from them and we know how to help them individuate from us and from others. We know how to empower them. We know how to bond to them as part of helping them feel included in a part of a team. We have a sense of where they are developmentally given their age, their maturity and the tasks in front of them.

No parent is perfect just like no leader is perfect but you can find out a lot about your leadership through understanding how you were parented. This is where coaching, therapy and mentoring can come in to really help. They can encourage what's working, understand what's not and help you grow into a more effective parent and leader

Kit Hill Ed.D., LMFT
The New Life Group
Counseling and Executive Coaching
925 351 7240