Is Your Spouse Having an Emotional Affair?

Thursday, September 4, 2014 @ 12:36 PM

Is Your Spouse Having an Emotional Affair?

Most of the time, when we think of an affair, we think of a physical relationship between two people who are not married to each other. However, an emotional affair can be

just as devastating as a physical affair.

Perhaps you’ve suspected that your spouse has been participating in an unusually emotionally intimate relationship with someone, and you’re not sure if you should be concerned. As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor, I’ve worked with many couples in similar situations, and so I would like to offer you a few signs you can look for if you suspect your spouse is having an emotional affair.


One of the signs that your spouse might be having an emotional affair is a change in the way he or she communicates with you. You might notice that your spouse frequently becomes distant, or aloof. Perhaps you once used to share stories of your day, or share jokes with one another, and that just isn’t happening anymore. This lack of communication can even spill over into your physical relationship. The kisses you were used to receiving in the morning might suddenly stop, or your spouse might start to behave differently when the topic of sex comes up.


Another sign that your spouse might be having an emotional affair is a sudden change in appearance. For example, if you’re a man whose wife hated wearing makeup, and is now suddenly leaving for work every morning wearing all new lipstick and blush, you might suspect an emotional affair with someone at work. If you’re a woman whose husband has abruptly started a vigorous workout routine, and he’s vague about why he’s making the change, it’s wise to probe further to determine whether or not an emotional affair is the reason behind it.


One of the signs of a healthy marriage is when both partners are completely dedicated toward working on their relationship. Marriage is a lot of hard work, and when one of you demonstrates a lack of motivation, it should be a signal that something is wrong. Perhaps your spouse seems disinterested in going out on dates with you, or he or she seems to be spending more and more time working instead of coming home for dinner. These are all behaviors that are worth looking into because they indicate a much bigger problem.

If any of these sound familiar to you, it’s possible that your spouse is engaging in an emotional affair. Quite often, these types of affairs are with someone your spouse works with. However, it’s possible that your spouse has friends you don’t know, or that you have only come into contact with on a few occasions.

Either way, finding out that your spouse has been having an emotional affair can really be devastating. If you suspect that he or she is participating in this type of affair, it’s essential for you to get the support you need, as well as the information you need to know how to proceed.

As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor here in Beaufort, SC, I have worked with many individuals, as well as couples, who were struggling in their marriages. The right type of Christian support can really make a difference.

While it’s hard to find out your spouse is participating in this type of sinful behavior, when you have the support you need, it can really make a difference. It is my hope that you will reach out for help so that you and your marriage can begin the healing process.

Dr. Carol Erb