Keep Your Second Marriage In Tact

Friday, June 3, 2016 @ 6:24 PM


I have been involved in preaching, teaching and counseling over the last 40 years and in that time I have conducted or attended my share of funerals. There is the belief that the dearly departed is in a "better place" no matter how they lived their life. For a few, this will indeed turn out to be the case - "for a few," but not so for the majority (Mt 7:14) or the Bible is not true! As a counselor, I understand many of the thoughts and emotions behind this belief, as well as the survivors self-talk that helps him or her deal with the pain of such a loss and their own mortality. Unfortunately, even though it is extremely difficult to accept, this belief is unfounded from a Scriptural standpoint - even for those who go to church (Mt 7:21-23). You see, the Bible tells us that the church is the bride of Christ - it is like a marriage (Revelation 21:2; see Ep 5:21-33). It is not about our wonderful works, church attendance or how we feel about God, it is about our heart! It is about how God feels about us! It is not a matter of whether God loves us, this has been made abundantly clear, it is whether we loved God AND which is clearly demonstrated by a lifetime of repentance and obedience (Jo 15;9,10). If this marriage fails, it is because we failed the Lord.

Likewise, many look at their second marriage and erroneously think it is in a "better place" no matter how we are treating each other. This actually holds true for first marriages as well. Many husbands judge their marriage on how they feel about their wife rather than how their wife actually feels about him. Or the other way around. Ask any couple to rate their marriage from one to ten, one being the worst and ten being the best. With few exceptions, men will usually score their marriage two or more points higher than the woman. It isn't just the enablers or co-dependent spouses who deny that there is anything wrong in their relationship, it is practically every married couple. Marriage is like a roller coaster that has been great fun but is beginning to wear and is in need of maintenance. At first you travel over a rail at one point and it shakes. The next time it rattles. Then it sways a little and then it bumps a little before eventually breaking down. The couples, say "We have had our ups and downs but we get through it." Because they are still able to cope they actually fail to do anything about it and simply ride out the issues that are causing the bumps, shakes, rattles and sways. The next thing you know, if neither are paying attention, the marriage fails and both are trying to figure out what happened. A marriage check-up with proper counseling is invaluable, as well as post marital counseling (before your second or third marriage) can usually spot the problems based on what you did before, how you process information, problem solve, communication, (what you come to accept and how you talk about it. Take a good look at your marriage and ask yourself, "Is my marriage really 'in a better place' or am I merely compromising, awaiting the point of failure?"