God created sex with an amazing design in mind! Part of his design is that it only occurs in the safety and security of marriage. There are three reasons for sexual intercourse that is found in the Bible:
• Oneness before God
• Pleasure
• Procreation
God created sex to be enjoyable, pleasurable, and passionate in marriage. He created sex and called the union between man and woman "very good". The purpose of sex is a celebration of our oneness in the sight of God.
Married couples often have different expectations and desires relative to sexual intimacy. The following are identified areas that needs to be addressed in your marriage:
• How often you engage in sex
• The timing of when to have sex is chosen
• Your emotional connection
• Quality time spent together outside the bedroom
• Time spent in foreplay before having sex
• How you verbalize your affection and love
• The amount of nonsexual touch you share with your spouse
• The strength of your relationship with God
I advise you to take one of these areas to discuss with your spouse weekly until they have all been addressed. Talking about sex may be awkward or uncomfortable, especially if there have been some "rocky" times in the relationship. Here are a few ideas for communicating about sex:
1. Pray for wisdom and that God would help your heart be in the right place before you approach your spouse
2. Wait for the right moment and location when talking about sensitive subjects
3. Be clear about your sexual likes and dislikes. Your spouse cannot read your mind, so he/she needs to know about the turn-offs as well. When you feel pleased in the bedroom, it will help your spouse know that they did a great job.
4. Use good communication techniques; avoid using words like "You always..." or "You never...". Phrases like "I feel like..." and "Help me understand...". Rephrasing the way you communicate with your spouse will help your spouse not feel like you are accusing him/her.
5. Learn to flirt with each other outside of the bedroom to lighten the mood. Whisper in your spouse's ear to mention your desires which can help build the excitement and anticipation for the big moment.
