Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Criticism is a part of life, but why does it sometimes feel like a punch in the gut?

Even when it’s meant to help us grow, criticism can sting.

Let’s explore why that happens and how we can turn criticism into a tool for self-growth.

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Criticism

Criticism touches on our sense of self-worth. Whether it’s feedback from a boss, a partner, or even a friend, it can feel deeply personal. Our brains are wired to protect us from threats, and criticism can be perceived as a threat to our self-esteem.

Childhood Experiences

Many of us carry experiences from childhood where criticism was not constructive. Perhaps we were scolded more than praised, leading us to develop a sensitivity to negative feedback.

Our early environments shape how we respond to criticism as adults. If our caregivers or teachers frequently pointed out our flaws without balancing it with encouragement, we might have internalized the belief that we are never good enough.

Sarah* remembers her teachers constantly pointing out her mistakes without recognizing her effort, making her wary of any criticism today.

Self-Esteem and Insecurity

Low self-esteem and insecurities magnify the impact of criticism. When we doubt ourselves, any negative feedback can confirm our worst fears about our inadequacies.

Insecurity can create a vicious cycle where criticism feels like a validation of our worst thoughts about ourselves. This can lead to anxiety, depression, and a reluctance to take risks or try new things.

Aisha* struggles with self-doubt and finds even gentle suggestions at work make her feel like a failure.

Differentiating Constructive Criticism from Negative Criticism

Not all criticism is created equal. Understanding the difference is crucial for emotional health.

Negative Criticism

This type often lacks a constructive angle and can feel like an attack. It’s usually more about the critic than the one being criticized.

Negative criticism is often vague, focusing on what is wrong without offering ways to improve. It can feel demoralizing and unhelpful, often leaving us feeling worse about ourselves.

Jenny* received harsh comments on her presentation that focused more on her speaking style rather than offering ways to improve.

Constructive Criticism

Constructive criticism aims to help us grow. It’s specific, actionable, and delivered with kindness.

Constructive feedback focuses on behavior and outcomes, not personal traits. It provides clear, specific suggestions for improvement, which can be empowering and motivating.

Anna’s* manager suggested she improve her project management skills and offered resources to help her learn.

How to Handle Criticism Constructively

Receiving criticism without feeling crushed is a skill we can develop.

Pause Before Reacting

Take a moment to breathe and process the feedback. Reacting immediately can lead to defensive or emotional responses.

A pause allows us to shift from an emotional reaction to a more rational response, giving us time to assess the feedback objectively.

Ask for Clarification

If the feedback is vague, ask for specifics. Understanding the details can make it easier to accept and act upon.

When Clara* received feedback on her writing, she asked for examples of where she could improve, which helped her see the areas needing work.

Focus on the Content, Not the Delivery

Sometimes, the way criticism is delivered can overshadow the actual message. Focus on the useful parts of the feedback.

By focusing on the message rather than the delivery, we can extract valuable insights and ignore the less helpful elements.

Lily* found it hard to accept feedback from a brusque colleague until she started focusing on the content rather than the tone.

Develop a Support System

Having a network of supportive friends, family, or colleagues can provide a buffer against the negative impact of criticism. They can offer perspective and help reinforce our strengths.

Megan* turns to her supportive friends when she receives tough feedback. They help her see the constructive parts and remind her of her worth.

Turning Criticism into Growth

Criticism can be a powerful tool for self-improvement when we approach it with the right mindset.

Embrace a Growth Mindset

Viewing criticism as an opportunity to learn and grow rather than a personal attack can change our perspective.

A growth mindset involves seeing challenges as opportunities for improvement and believing that our abilities can develop with effort and practice.

Maria* started seeing feedback as a chance to enhance her skills, which helped her grow in her career.

Practice Self-Compassion

Being kind to ourselves when we receive criticism can buffer the negative emotions and help us process it constructively.

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a friend. It helps to soothe the sting of criticism and encourages a more balanced perspective.

After receiving tough feedback, Kate* reminded herself that everyone makes mistakes and that she’s capable of improvement.

Strategies to Strengthen Resilience to Criticism

Building resilience to criticism involves developing a set of strategies that help us process feedback in a healthy way.

Reflect on the Feedback

Take time to reflect on the criticism and identify any valid points. This can help separate useful insights from emotional reactions.

When Jamal* received feedback on his project, he spent an evening reflecting on the comments and identifying areas for improvement.

Reframe the Criticism

Try to reframe the criticism as an opportunity for growth rather than a personal attack. This can shift our mindset and make the feedback seem less threatening.

Laura* started viewing criticism as a way to discover her blind spots and work on them.

Set Personal Goals

Use the feedback to set specific, achievable goals for improvement. This can turn criticism into a roadmap for personal development.

After receiving feedback on her time management skills, Mei* set a goal to prioritize her tasks and use a planner to stay organized.

Seeking Professional Help

Sometimes, the impact of criticism is deeply rooted and might require professional support to address.

Counseling in Calgary

Counseling can provide a safe space to explore why criticism affects us deeply and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Counselors can help identify underlying issues, such as past traumas or low self-esteem, and work with us to build resilience and self-compassion.

Benefits of Counseling

• Emotional Support: Counseling offers a supportive environment to process emotions.
• Skill Development: Learn practical skills to handle criticism constructively.
• Self-Awareness: Increase self-awareness and understand personal triggers.

Conclusion

Criticism is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to derail our self-esteem. By understanding why it affects us and learning how to handle it constructively, we can turn criticism into a powerful tool for growth.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

For more on managing criticism and personal growth, consider exploring counseling options in Calgary. It can be a transformative step towards a healthier, more resilient you.

*All references to persons are fictitious and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Insecurity is something we all deal with at different points in our lives. Whether it's about our looks, our abilities, or our relationships, these feelings can really hold us back. The good news is, by figuring out why we feel insecure, we can start working on overcoming it and living more confidently. Let’s explore the top five causes of insecurity and how we can tackle them, with some help from biblical wisdom and the teachings of Jesus.

1. Comparison with Others
We’ve all been there—scrolling through Instagram, seeing perfect photos of friends, and suddenly feeling like we don’t measure up. This constant comparison can be a huge insecurity trigger.

Why It Happens:

Social media is like a highlight reel. We see everyone's best moments but not the tough times.

Biblical Perspective:

Jesus reminds us to focus on our own path. In John 21:22, He says, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me." It's a gentle nudge to stay in our own lane and trust God's plan for us.

How to Overcome It:

Spend less time on social media and be picky about what you follow.
Celebrate your own achievements instead of comparing them to others.
Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of the good things in your life.
2. Negative Self-Talk
The way we talk to ourselves can be really powerful. If we’re always criticizing ourselves, it's no surprise we feel insecure.

Why It Happens:

We often internalize negative feedback from others or society’s unrealistic standards.

Biblical Perspective:

The Bible teaches us to speak kindly to ourselves. Proverbs 18:21 says, "The tongue has the power of life and death." Speaking life into our situations and ourselves can change everything.

How to Overcome It:

Question your negative thoughts. Are they really true?
Swap out negative thoughts for positive affirmations. Instead of "I can't do this," try "I am capable and can handle this."
Get feedback from supportive friends and family to balance your perspective.
3. Past Experiences and Trauma
Our past, especially the tough parts, can have a big impact on our self-esteem and make us feel insecure.

Why It Happens:

Things like bullying, rejection, or failure leave lasting marks on our self-worth.

Biblical Perspective:

Joseph’s story is a great example. Despite being sold into slavery and facing many hardships, Joseph trusted God. In Genesis 50:20, he says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good." It’s a powerful reminder that we can grow from our past.

How to Overcome It:

Acknowledge and process these experiences, maybe with a counselor’s help.
Focus on personal growth and the lessons you’ve learned.
Practice self-compassion and forgive yourself for any mistakes.
4. Perfectionism
Trying to be perfect can drive us to achieve great things, but it can also make us feel constantly dissatisfied and insecure.

Why It Happens:

We set unrealistically high standards for ourselves and feel like we never measure up.

Biblical Perspective:

Jesus teaches us that His grace is enough. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Understanding that we don’t have to be perfect to be loved by God can relieve a lot of pressure.

How to Overcome It:

Set realistic and achievable goals.
Accept that perfection is an illusion and making mistakes is part of learning.
Celebrate your progress and small victories.
5. Lack of Support
Feeling unsupported or misunderstood can really fuel insecurity.

Why It Happens:

We all need a circle of people who believe in us and cheer us on.

Biblical Perspective:

The early Christian community showed us the importance of support and fellowship. Acts 2:44-45 says, "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need." This sense of community and support is essential.

How to Overcome It:

Surround yourself with positive, supportive people.
Openly communicate your needs and feelings with trusted friends or family.
Join a support group or seek professional help to build a stronger support system.
Recognizing these common causes of insecurity is the first step to overcoming them. Remember, it’s perfectly normal to feel insecure at times, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By taking proactive steps and leaning on the teachings of Jesus and biblical examples, you can build your confidence and live a more fulfilling life.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.

We get it—setting boundaries sounds great in theory, but when it comes to actually implementing them, it's a whole different ball game.

Whether it's saying no to another work project or setting limits with family, here are ten reasons why we all seem to resist using boundaries.

By understanding these reasons, we can start to tackle them and lead healthier, more sustainable lives.


1. We Don’t Want to Disappoint Others
We’ve all been there. We say yes to something just to avoid the disappointed look on someone’s face. But let’s be real—constantly saying yes to avoid disappointing others can lead us straight to burnout city.
Example: Jamie* has a demanding job and a busy family life. When his boss asks him to take on another project, Jamie wants to say no but worries about letting his team down. He ends up saying yes, even though he’s already stretched thin.

2. Fear of Conflict
Nobody likes confrontation. The idea of a potentially awkward or hostile conversation is enough to make us break out in a sweat. But without boundaries, those little annoyances can snowball into major conflicts down the road.

Example: jasmine* finds it hard to tell her neighbor to stop dropping by unannounced. She dreads the potential awkwardness of the conversation, so she continues to tolerate the interruptions, even though it disrupts her family’s evening routine.

3. Guilt Trips Galore
Guilt can be a powerful motivator. We feel guilty for putting our needs first or for thinking our needs matter at all. But guess what? They do matter. We need to remember that taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

Example: Lisa* feels guilty for wanting a weekend to herself. Her friends invite her out for a weekend getaway, but she really needs some alone time to recharge. She goes anyway, driven by guilt, and returns even more exhausted.

4. We Like Being Needed
Admit it—we enjoy being the go-to person. It makes us feel important and valued. But constantly being on call for everyone else’s needs can leave us with no time or energy for our own.

Example: Tom* loves helping his friends move, fix their cars, and tackle DIY projects. He enjoys being the reliable friend, but he realizes he has no time left for his hobbies or relaxation.

5. We’re Afraid of Being Seen as Difficult
There’s a fear that if we set boundaries, we’ll be labeled as difficult or uncooperative. However, consistently ignoring our own limits can lead to even bigger problems, like burnout or resentment.
Example: Emily* hesitates to tell her colleagues that she can’t stay late to help with a project. She doesn’t want to be seen as uncooperative, so she sacrifices her evening plans repeatedly.

6. We Confuse Boundaries with Barriers
Sometimes we think setting a boundary means building a wall. But boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about defining where we end and others begin. It’s about creating space for both ourselves and our relationships to thrive.

Example: Alex* worries that telling his family he needs alone time will hurt their feelings. He fears they’ll think he’s distancing himself, even though he just needs a little personal space to recharge.

7. Lack of Practice
Let’s face it—most of us didn’t grow up with a manual on how to set healthy boundaries. It’s a skill we have to learn and practice, and it can feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. But with time and practice, it gets easier.

Example: Karen* never learned how to say no politely. She’s used to overcommitting and struggles to set boundaries with her time. She starts practicing by declining small requests, like helping a colleague with non-urgent tasks.

8. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Saying no can sometimes feel like we’re missing out on something fun or important. But constantly saying yes to everything can spread us too thin and leave us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Example: Dave* always agrees to social outings with his friends, even when he’s exhausted from work. He fears missing out on fun experiences, but the lack of rest starts affecting his performance at work.

9. We Underestimate Our Own Needs
We often put others' needs before our own, underestimating how important it is to prioritize our own well-being. But we can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of ourselves allows us to better support those around us.

Example: Rachel* is constantly attending to her children’s needs, her partner’s needs, and her work responsibilities. She rarely takes time for herself and starts feeling worn out and irritable.

10. We Think It’s All or Nothing
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean we have to go from being a pushover to a strict enforcer overnight. It’s about finding a balance and setting limits that feel right for us. Small, incremental changes can make a big difference.

Example: Mark* thinks that setting boundaries means he has to be rigid and unyielding. He starts by setting small, flexible boundaries, like dedicating one evening a week to his hobbies, and gradually builds from there.

Overcoming Boundary Resistance

Recognizing why we resist setting boundaries is the first step towards making meaningful changes. By addressing these reasons, we can start to implement boundaries that allow us to lead healthier, more balanced lives.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.
Practical Tips to Start Implementing Boundaries

Start Small: Begin by setting small boundaries that feel manageable. This could be as simple as saying no to an extra work task or carving out 10 minutes of alone time each day.

Communicate Clearly: Be honest and direct about your needs. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming or accusing others.
Be Consistent: Consistency is key. Stick to your boundaries even when it’s challenging. Over time, others will learn to respect your limits.
Seek Support: If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, consider seeking support from a counselor. A professional can provide guidance and help you navigate tricky situations.

Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Setting boundaries is a skill that takes time to develop.
Celebrate your progress and forgive yourself for any missteps.

By understanding and addressing these common reasons for resisting boundaries, we can create healthier, more sustainable lifestyles. It's time to prioritize our well-being and take the first step towards a more balanced life.

If you’re struggling to set boundaries or need support, Masters Counseling in Calgary is here to help. Our compassionate counselors can work with you to develop strategies for implementing healthy boundaries in your life. Contact us today to start your journey towards health and wholeness.

Losing a child is an experience that transcends words; it's a journey through profound pain, uncharted emotional depths, and an altered reality that reshapes the very fabric of life. For parents facing this unimaginable loss, navigating the path of grief can feel overwhelming and isolating. However, integrating principles from psychological theories and Christian faith can provide a framework for healing and resilience.

Preserving Connections

John Bowlby's attachment theory highlights the importance of maintaining bonds with the deceased. This does not mean clinging to the past, but rather preserving a connection that allows the parent to feel that their child remains a part of their lives in some way. This could be through cherished memories, photos, or personal rituals that honor the child's memory. These connections can offer comfort and a sense of continuity in the midst of profound change.

Allowing Time to Grieve

Grief is a deeply personal process that requires time and space to fully experience. It is crucial for parents to allow themselves to feel the breadth of their emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, and even moments of peace. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 reminds us that there is "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance." Acknowledging and embracing the full spectrum of grief helps in moving toward healing.

Reworking Life

One of the significant challenges in parental grief is reworking life to accommodate the loss. Rather than aiming to return to a pre-loss state, parents must learn to integrate the loss into their ongoing lives. This involves creating a new normal where the memory of the child is woven into the fabric of daily living. This process is about adaptation and finding new ways to live meaningfully despite the loss.

Reaching Out for Support

In times of profound grief, reaching out for support is vital. This includes seeking the comfort and strength offered by God, as well as the support of family, friends, and professional counselors. The Bible encourages believers to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2), emphasizing the importance of community and mutual support. Sharing grief with others can lighten the emotional load and provide much-needed comfort.

Finding a New Purpose

Finding a new reason to get up each day is a powerful step in the healing journey. This might involve discovering new passions, engaging in meaningful activities, or simply appreciating the small blessings in each day. Trusting in God's plan, as articulated in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," can provide a profound sense of hope and purpose.

Balancing Grief and Healing

It is important to strike a balance between times of grieving and times of respite. Ecclesiastes 3:1-4 speaks to the natural rhythms of life, including both mourning and healing. Parents should allow themselves to take breaks from grief, engaging in activities that bring joy and peace. These moments of respite are not a betrayal of the lost child but are essential for sustaining the long journey of grief.

In conclusion, navigating the grief of losing a child is an arduous journey that requires time, support, and a deep well of faith. By preserving connections with the deceased, allowing time to experience grief fully, reworking life to include the loss, reaching out for support, finding new purpose, and balancing moments of grief with moments of healing, parents can find a pathway to resilience. Rooted in Christian faith and biblical wisdom, this holistic approach provides a compassionate and hopeful framework for those enduring the unimaginable.

Losing a child is an experience that transcends words; it's a journey through profound pain, uncharted emotional depths, and an altered reality that reshapes the very fabric of life. To support parents navigating this challenging terrain, Dr. Kelly authored Into the Mourning: A Handbook for a Grieving Parent along with its companion grief workbook Into the Mourning, A Workbook for a Grieving Parent. The carefully crafted handbook and workbook acknowledge the complexities of parental grief and introduces the P.A.R.E.N.T. Model of Grief, a unique framework designed to offer support, understanding, and a pathway toward healing. The model respects the individual journey of each grieving parent, emphasizing that grief is unique, circular, fluid, distressing, and a lifetime event, while providing the encouragement and hope that there is no wrong or right way to grieve. Embrace one or both compassionate guides to find solace and resilience amidst the unfathomable loss.

The handbook offers a deep dive into the complexities of grief after losing a child, cultural and spiritual impacts on grief, and a historical context of how death is viewed and experienced, as well as the P.A.R.E.N.T. Model of Grief that normalizes the distress and often confusing thoughts and feelings from an attachment perspective. The workbook offers daily practices, journaling exercises, prayers, meditations, and support to help you navigate grief after child loss, and learn how to live with the loss.

Both can be purchased on Amazon.com.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09W13S26H
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CPDR86VM

Motherhood is often romanticized as a joyous and fulfilling experience. However, behind the smiles and adorable baby photos, there is a hidden reality that many mothers face – a dysregulated nervous system. While it may not be immediately visible, the signs of a dysregulated nervous system can manifest in various ways.

In this blog, we will unmask the invisible struggle that mothers with a dysregulated nervous system often face. From chronic fatigue and irritability to difficulty in concentrating and anxiety, the effects of a dysregulated nervous system can be debilitating. These symptoms can not only affect a mother's well-being but can also impact her ability to care for her child.

Understanding the signs and symptoms of a dysregulated nervous system is essential for both mothers and those who support them. By recognizing these telltale signs, mothers can seek appropriate help and support to regain balance and improve their overall well-being.

The impact of dysregulation on mothers

1. Emotional Volatility
Dysregulation turns your emotions into a wild carnival. One minute, you’re laughing at a toddler’s knock-knock joke; the next, you’re crying over mom guilt.

Your fuse shortens, and patience becomes a rare gem. Your toddler’s innocent question? Cue a surge of all the emotions as they run through your body. You’re a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap at the slightest provocation.

2. Physical Toll
Chronic dysregulation takes a toll on your body. Imagine your nervous system as a grumpy roommate – it messes with your sleep, digestion, and overall well-being.

Headaches, backaches, and mysterious twinges become your companions.

3. Sensory Overload
Lights are too bright, sounds too loud? Your nervous system cranks up the volume on everything. Ever need to turn down the volume on the radio to help navigate the road? Yeah, just like that!

You’re like a human antenna, picking up signals from every corner. Even the dog barking is too much.

4. Sleep Drama
Sleep becomes a high-stakes game. You’re either a night owl, binge-watching Netflix till 2 AM, or a daytime zombie, stumbling through life.

Your brain, fueled by insomnia, feels like a squirrel on espresso – darting from one thought to another. “Did I pay the water bill? What do I need from the store?”

5. Attention Whirlwind
Concentration? Ha! Your brain juggles thoughts like a circus performer with flaming torches.

You start a task, get distracted by another task, and end up organizing the sock drawer.

6. Appetite Roller Coaster
Your relationship with food is another roller coaster ride. One day, you devour a family-sized pizza; the next, you forget to eat altogether.

Your nervous system messes with your hunger cues. “Didn’t I just eat? I’m so bloated I feel full! I just want carbs and sweets!”

7. Immune System Tango
Dysregulation messes with your internal GPS. Suddenly, stress-induced colds and hormonal imbalances waltz into your life.

8. Social Acrobatics
Social situations become tightropes. You’re balancing between “I need alone time” and “I miss adult conversation.”

Your nervous system toggles between “hermit crab” and “social butterfly.” Sometimes, you’re both at the same party.


The Role of Stress in Dysregulation

Stress – that pesky gremlin – loves to poke our nervous system. Chronic stress, also known as toxic stress, is like an uninvited guest who overstays their welcome. Here’s how it wreaks havoc:

1. Activation and Dysregulation: Chronic stress activates our stress response systems repeatedly and excessively. Imagine your nervous system as a car alarm that never stops blaring. It’s not adaptive; it’s downright annoying.

2. Cardiovascular Drama: Chronic stress is associated with cardiovascular diseases. Your heart races like it’s in a sprint, even when you’re just reading a grocery list. It’s like your heart’s auditioning for an action movie.

3. Insulin Resistance: Stress messes with your body’s sugar management. Suddenly, insulin – that diligent traffic cop – starts waving cars in all directions.

4. Cognitive Decline: Chronic stress turns your brain into a tangled web of thoughts. Concentration? Rational decisions? Nope. You’re juggling mental post-it notes in a windstorm.

5. Mood Disorders: Bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and anhedonia (the joy-sucking ghost) are part of the landscape. Stress assumes a hidden role, and mental health disorders are actively present.

6. The Bear That Isn’t There: Your stress response gears up for a bear attack. But guess what? There’s no bear – just a pile of unfolded laundry. Your nervous system needs new glasses.


The importance of self-care for mothers with a dysregulated nervous system

As moms, we often find ourselves juggling flaming torches (metaphorically, of course) while riding the unicycle of motherhood on a tightrope. But amidst the chaos, self-care becomes our secret weapon – the oxygen mask we need before assisting others.

Why Self-Care Matters for Moms

1. Replenishing the Well:
Imagine your well-being as a well... When you constantly draw water (energy, patience, love) from it without replenishing, it runs dry. Self-care refills that well.

Moms infuse those around them with their own energy. By taking care of ourselves, we can give more to others – our kids, partners, and everyone else in our orbit.

2. Stress Management:
Motherhood can be a stormy sea. Self-care is our life raft. It helps manage stress, prevent burnout, and keep our emotional ship afloat.

When we practice self-care, we build practical coping skills to weather the tempests. It’s like having a sturdy anchor when the waves get rough.

3. Physical and Mental Health:
Self-care reduces the risk of future medical issues. A healthier mom means a healthier family.

It safeguards our mental health too. As we practice self-care, we learn to reduce the impact of depression and anxiety.

4. Modeling for Our Kids:
Children mimic their parents. When they see Mom prioritizing self-care, they learn its value.

We’re not just teaching them how to tie shoelaces; we’re showing them how to tie emotional knots too.


Strategies for Regulating the Nervous System

As moms, we’re like circuit breakers – handling surges of emotions, responsibilities, and the occasional toddler meltdown. Here’s our toolkit for smoother functioning:

1. Breathe: Inhale Courage, Exhale Chaos
Deep breaths are our secret weapon. They activate the parasympathetic system – our chill pill. Imagine inhaling courage and exhaling chaos.

Try this: Inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 6. Repeat until you feel it in your body.

2. Move: Shake Off Stress Like a Wet Dog
Dance, walk, or do yoga – anything to shake off stress. Picture yourself as a wet dog, vigorously shaking off water after a bath.

Movement releases endorphins – our natural mood boosters. Plus, it’s a legit excuse to dance like nobody’s watching.

3. Connect: Hug Your Kids, Call a Friend, Pet a Dog
Connection soothes frazzled nerves. Hug your kids – their giggles are like mini therapy sessions.

Call a friend. Vent, laugh, or discuss the latest embarrassing thing you did or that mom guilt you feel. Friends are like emotional vitamins.

4. Sleep: Prioritize Those Zzz’s
Your nervous system craves sleep like a toddler craves cookies. Prioritize those Zzz’s.

Create a bedtime ritual: dim lights, cozy blankets, and a cup of chamomile tea. Your brain will thank you.

5. Seek Professional Help: Emotional GPS
Therapists, coaches, and support groups are our emotional GPS. They guide us through the labyrinth of feelings.

It’s okay to ask for directions. Sometimes, we need a detour to find our way back to calm.


Seeking Professional Help for Nervous System Dysregulation

If you’re grappling with a dysregulated nervous system, seeking professional help is a crucial step toward healing. As moms, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders – juggling responsibilities, emotions, and the occasional Lego underfoot. But remember, you don’t have to (and shouldn’t) navigate this alone.

Understanding the Struggle
Long after a traumatic event has passed, our nervous system can remain on high alert, like a car stuck in “go” mode while simultaneously trying to minimize internal chaos. It’s as if we’re pressing both the accelerator and the brake pedal, desperately seeking equilibrium. Childhood trauma, chronic stress, and emotional overload can all contribute to this dysregulation.

Breaking Free with Mom Coaching
That’s where I come in. I’m Kelly, a mom coach with a master’s degree in counseling and a Board-Certified Behavior Analyst. As a once anxiety-ridden mom of four, I’ve turned my pain into purpose. My personalized one-on-one coaching is designed to fit seamlessly into your jam-packed schedule. No more stressing about weekly sessions – we communicate through a secure app, leaving voice, video, or text messages whenever you need support.

Think of me as your continuous cheerleader while you kick guilt to the curb!



Conclusion: Empowering mothers to heal and thrive

Dear mom, you’re more resilient than you realize. Peel off that invisible mask, embrace your nervous system’s quirks, and know that healing begins with compassion – for yourself and every other mom riding this rollercoaster. Let’s thrive together, one deep breath at a time.

Key Takeaways:
You’re Not Alone: The invisible struggle is real, but so is your strength. Other moms are navigating similar waters – sometimes with leaky boats and mismatched oars.

Self-Care Is Survival: Prioritize self-care; it’s not selfish. Delegate tasks, say no, and schedule “me time.” A well-regulated mom is a superhero in disguise.

Regulate and Recalibrate: Use strategies like deep breathing, movement, and seeking professional help. You’re not just a frazzled wire; you’re a conductor weaving chaos into a beautiful melody.

Remember, you’re not just a mom and you’re not just your dysregulated symptoms. There is purpose, passion and JOY in your life and I would love to help guide you to find it all again….maybe it’s re-defined now at this chapter, but you deserve all of it!!!!

With Love and Imperfection,
Kelly

To establish a clearly defined frame of reference for various aspects and nuances associated with the concept of attachment, it is imperative to first conceptualize a working definition of attachment. “Attachment style or organization is a concept that derives from John Bowlby’s attachment theory and refers to a person’s characteristic ways of relating in intimate caregiving and receiving relationships with “attachment figures,” often one’s parents, children, and romantic partners” (Levy et al., 2010, p. 193). Feldman (2011) in addressing relationship formation asserts, “Attachment is a positive emotional bond that develops between a child and a particular, special individual” (p. 178). Contextually, as it relates specifically to parent-child relationship, the emotional aspects during the social development of children may result in pleasure or distress (Feldman, 2011). Moreover, some researchers contend that the nature of the infantile attachment has subsequent consequences on adulthood interpersonal relationships. Minnis, et al. (2009) add further speculation to current level of understanding of attachment disorder, “Despite more than 30 years in the psychiatric nomenclature, reactive attachment disorder remains a poorly understood phenotype” (p. 931).

Attachment Disorder and its Relationship to Emotional Sensitivity and Safety

Conceptually, attachment is intricately connected to the nuances of sensitivity and safety. The concept of attachment is rooted in one’s confidence or lack of confidence in the attachment figure, particularly in the context of security. The maternal role is intimately connected to developing appropriate personal sensitivity, while discerning the safety of her offspring. Feldman (2011) convincingly articulates this relationship, “The research showing the correspondence between mothers’ sensitivity to their infants and the security of the infants’ attachment is consistent with Ainsworth’s arguments that attachment depends on how mothers react to their infants’ emotional cues” (p. 181). In other words, infants that feel a sense of security are more inclined to freely explore their immediate world. Moreover, the sense of an established and safe haven builds the infant’s confidence that parental support, protection, comfort exist in times of distress.

The Father’s Parental perspective

Any discussion on parenting styles and attachment theory would be incomplete in the absence of sharing insight from the father’s parental perspective. Guided by the social norms and traditions of his day, it can be argued that John Bowlby’s research was skewed by his distinct worldview. However, given the parental roles that many fathers now assume due to various macro-environmental factors, it would be prudent to redress this issue. “Although infants are fully capable of forming attachments to both mother and father- as well as other individuals – the nature of the attachment between infants and mothers, on the one hand, and infants and fathers, on the other hand, is not identical” (Feldman, 2011, p. 182). At the corpus of the distinctive attachments is the qualitative nature of their individual relationships. Traditionally, the maternal relationship is primarily nurturing, whereas the paternal relationship involves more play, particularly physical and contact sporting activities. However, as previously alluded to, cultural, social, and economic factors significantly impinge on previously held views of distinctive paternal and maternal stereotypical roles.

Continuing Attachment Disorder Research Needed

A plethora of research continues in an effort to gain a deeper understanding of the phenomenon of attachment disorder. There appears to be no clear scientific links between reactive attachment disorder (RAD) and attachment insecurity (Minnis, et al., 2009). On the surface, there appears to be some interactions among attachment styles, safety, confidence, and exploration. Levy, et al. (2010) explicate the importance of exploration in the context of interpersonal relationships, “Exploration of the world includes not only the physical world but also relationships with other people and reflection on one’s internal experience” (p. 193). Hypothetically, the context of future research bears the solutions. Minnis et al. (2009) succinctly conclude, “An important task of future research will be to gain a better understanding of attachment in the context of RAD, including the possibility that there may be differences in behavior even with the ‘secure’ category” (p. 939).

References

Feldman, R. S. (2011). Development across the life span. New Jersey: Pearson.

Levy, K. N., Ellison, W.D., Scott, L. N., & Bernecker, S. L. (2010). Attachment style. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 67(2), 193-203.

Minnis, H., Green, J., O’Connor, T. G., Liew, A., Glaser, D., Taylor, E., Follan, M., Young, D., Barnes, J., Gillberg, C., Pelosi, A., Arthur, J., Burston, A., Connolly, B., & Sadiq, F. A.). (2009). An exploratory study of the association between reactive attachment disorder and attachment narratives in early school-age children. Journal of Child Psychology & Psychiatry, 50(8), 931- 942.