Christian Counselor Directory Blog

1. The Phantom Mom

This mom is cold and distant to a degree. Beyond culture, it might be for all kinds of reasons. But there is a lack of emotional connection between her and at least one of her children.

2. The China Doll Mom

The China doll mom is fragile and easily upset. She has trouble handling other people’s emotions. She can be too distant or too close or switch randomly between the two but negative emotions seem to crush her.

3. The Controlling Mom

Fueled by anxiety, the controlling mom attempts to control and hover over the child as a way of binding her anxiety and other emotions including loneliness or even shame.

4. The Trophy Mom

The trophy mom turns her children into trophies or stars in order to emotionally satisfy herself, her lack of accomplishments or self-esteem.

5. The Still-The-Boss Mom

This mother has never let go of the role of being a mom from the early days of motherhood. Even as a child has clearly reached adulthood the still-the-boss mom wants to oversee the adult child’s life.

6. The American Express Mom

The American Express mom will tend to spoil the child and not let the child have the consequences and problems of their own natural irresponsibility as a child. Sometimes this is a way to exert control over the child, to cover loneliness and to create friendship that is actually inappropriate for a child or adolescent.

Remember to balance these verses: "Honor thy mother and father..." and "Do not throw your pearls before..." This last verse do not mean your mom(or boss) is a pig or a dog, but it does mean it's important to set boundaries with intrusion, hostility or entitlement.

The Boss Factor

What is it about my boss that's bugging me so much? Why am I being triggered by my boss in ways that I sometimes can't understand? Perhaps your boss is reminding you of the first leader you ever met: your mom.


Based on the moms we find in The Mom Factor by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, I thought it might be a good idea to look at leaders that emulate some of the more dysfunctional aspects of motherhood.

The first boss is the China Doll Boss. This boss is the boss that is fragile, and he makes you afraid of actually telling him anything that might be close to the truth. Those financial reports better look good or you're afraid that he'll be so disappointed that he'll break. This boss is too distant sometimes or too close and in the process of micromanaging gives you the impression that they'll be crushed by things if they don't do a 100% perfect job. Fear and anxiety are driving forces behind this type of boss.

The Phantom Boss is the boss that's never really there. Everybody on board may be highly developed and may not need that much leadership or management but this boss is so removed that it's difficult to get vision, mission or actual goals about what is important in the company or organization. This boss is frequently depressed or doesn't really want to be in the position.

Our next boss is the Controlling Boss who can make you crazy with micromanagement and rigid rules and ways of being that treat you like a child. This can be triggering for anybody even a person without a controlling mother or dad. The controlling boss frequently runs on anxiety and hopes that you will be responsible for their feelings, their life, or their happiness as you do exactly what they want all the time.

Like the Controlling Boss, the Still-The-Boss Boss is the boss that never gets out of the boss developmental stage with new employees. This is the stage, a la Ken Blanchard and Situational Leadership, where the boss is doing a lot of structure and coaching. The only problem is as a staff member gets more and more capable and confident, this boss doesn't let up and let them find their own way within the working environment. Years later they're still treating you like you just got there. Just as the controlling boss is anxiety ridden so is this boss.

The Trophy Boss can be kind of fun sometimes because they're championing you and helping you feel like you're great much of the time. You or somebody on staff is their Star. The only problem is that if you fail or have other ideas in contrary to this boss you become a pariah to this person. The expectations and obligations towards you can help you feel crazy. This boss frequently needs some of their own success or some connections.

The American Express Boss is the boss who spoils his or her employees. Whatever you want you got it when you want it. The only problem is this boss has the animals running the zoo. Their lack of boundaries and direction can really help people in the organization feel crazy. They don't allow consequences or set boundaries. This boss wants to be liked at any price. They may feel afraid of conflict and lonely on the inside. I saw a pastor play this role and destroy the church from the inside.

Remind you of anybody? How about yourself? Even a little behavior like this can be trouble for an organization. The sort of behavior or attitudes can trigger people who had parents that acted in a parallel way. Sometimes staff are triggered even when what they're seeing isn't real. Nevertheless, it's important to strive to avoid these areas as a boss and be a servant leader with good boundaries and good bonding. As an employee one of the most effective ways that you can deal with these types of bosses is to try to engage them at the feeling level. Coaching or counseling can be very helpful for a person that seems to be stuck in one of these areas.

What are intensive sessions?
Intensive sessions are extended therapy sessions. They allow individuals, families, or couples to meet beyond the standard 45-50 minute session time. Extended sessions can last anywhere from 90 minutes to 4 hours at a time over 1-3 days. These sessions may be scheduled semi-regularly, on a bi-weekly or monthly cadence. Other individuals find benefit in meeting for only one extended session or multiple days in a row. Many individuals who participate in intensives with us discover a quicker route to healing & transformation.
There is no right or wrong length of time, as we do not take a one-size-fits-all approach. We will partner with you in order to determine the best approach and make sure you are comfortable every step of the way. We use a Holistic and Christ-centered therapy approach in extended sessions. Often referring to what God, the creator of the Universe, says about you in order to reframe the negative self-talk in your mind.
Where are your intensive sessions located?

In person or virtual. Our intensive outpatient weekend therapy serves clients in sunny Ventura, California. Accessible to people in the vicinity of Santa Monica, Malibu, Calabasas, Santa Barbara, Ojai & surrounding areas. We also offer these services via confidential & secure video for people located throughout California, Florida & South Carolina. You only need to be in one of these states for the intensive session. If travel is an option for you, it may be worth considering a retreat-style intensive session with us.
How can intensive sessions help?

Our rapid relief therapy sessions assist individuals in moving through aspects that seem to be holding them back or hindering the progress they wish to make. The typical therapy session can leave some people feeling stuck and overwhelmed with having to come back week after week for little progress. Many of my clients tell me they only start feeling “warmed up" around the 30-minute mark in session. They feel like a breakthrough is ready to happen, only to be moved to close out for the session to end on time. Another week goes by with mounting personal issues and a limited capacity to handle them all. They have the space to process the week, which can be a blessing, but in reality, is also very limiting. So much more work can be done, which is why we have found that moving outside the limits of time constraints leads to lasting change. You were meant for more; you can feel it, but you aren’t sure which direction to go. We are happy to walk alongside you while you work toward your goals.
We have intensive clients who find that meeting for maintenance sessions on a regular or semi-regular cadence can be beneficial. While others prefer to maintain work with their regular therapists before and after our intensives together. As we discussed earlier, there really is no right or wrong way to engage in intensive sessions. Our goal is to provide the space you need to knock down barriers, connect to the purpose God has for your life, and experience improved emotional well-being. Dramatic change can happen over a weekend, something years of therapy often can not achieve.

What kind of issues are addressed in intensive therapy sessions?
We address an array of issues that may be present in your life. These may include, but are not limited to, historical or current traumas, limiting self-beliefs, anxiety, depression, relationship & communication issues. We work with adult individuals, families with minor & adult children & couples.

How does it work?
The first step is to reach out for a consult in order to determine if working together would be beneficial. We will set up a 15-20 minute call & you will have the opportunity to ask any questions or get clarification on aspects of what we offer. It is important that you are stable & not in active crisis in order to get the most out of our sessions together. After the consult we schedule an intake session where we meet by phone or video for 45-60 minutes in order to formulate goals & a plan for our intensive session. We will determine meeting date & length of time. In order to encourage a commitment to yourself, a 50% deposit will be required at time of booking & refunds are not provided.
Who are intensive not right for?
It is important for all of us to understand there are some limits to intensive sessions. Individuals in active crisis, experiencing suicidality or who are in active addictions would not be candidates. Couples who do not have the same goals for therapy, who are not sure they want to stay in the marriage or if there is an ongoing affair would not benefit from our intensive therapy format. If you fins yourself needing urgent support please reach out to 988 via call or text.

I have had my fair share of suffering in life, as I assume you also have if you've decided to read this, and I would like to say that I "evolved" in my understanding of the purpose of suffering and how God truly gets the glory when I'm going through the worst moments of my life.


One particular scripture comes to mind:


"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5


This scripture always reminds me that the suffering we endure isn't for nothing, but is very much so purposeful. In the moment, we feel that it's unfair to endure what we're up against, but from God's perspective, it's the best way for us to grow in particular areas because we are here (on this earth) for HIM not OURSELVES.


Ouch.. I know that probably stung a bit, but one thing you'll hear from me is the truth, but it will always be clothed in care because that's exactly how God communicates with me and would want His truth to be delivered.


We are promised an abundant life and prosperity, but we are also promised trials, tribulations, and inconveniences. God never designed this life for us to receive one side of things and erase the other. BOTH work in contingent with each other to achieve God's perfect will, and to bring us to Himself.


That's why our suffering glorifies Him. Because we grow in many areas and we learn to seek His aid in everything. There is no growth without suffering.


So if you have suffered any trauma or are currently suffering through something, I want to encourage you begin offering that suffering to God and asking for His strength to endure what you're facing. It may be helpful to ask God these questions:


1. What is the purpose of this particular situation I'm suffering through?

2. What are You revealing about me or others in this situation?

3. What are the lessons I need to learn through this?

4. How should I change my thinking about this situation to align more with Your will?


Not only does these questions cause you to go deeper in understanding more about God's plans for you in the midst of your suffering, but it also opens up the opportunity for you to build true intimacy with Him.


I pray this encourages you in your life's journey.

**If you're a woman in Florida or Illinois looking for more direction to start your growth and healing journey, please visit my website to schedule a consultation and discuss more details!


Your Sister in Christ,


Dominique S. Russell, MA, LCPC

May is a month that comes in full bloom.

The days stretch longer. Blossoms spill onto sidewalks. The air fills with the scent of possibility—and for many, a rush of emotion. School years wind down, graduation gowns are steamed and ready, and families gather to celebrate milestones large and small. For some, it’s a time of deep joy, pride, or relief. For others, it may bring a quieter ache—longing for what hasn’t come, mourning what’s been lost, or feeling left out of celebrations altogether.

In my work with women, couples, and families, I often hear how the “big feelings” of this month stir things up. You might find yourself feeling multiple things at once: proud and depleted, joyful and tender, hopeful and overwhelmed. You may be gearing up for “swimsuit season” with a new sense of confidence—or facing body image struggles that whisper old, unkind stories. Mother’s Day may be a treasured time to celebrate beloved women in your life—or a tender reminder of absence, grief, or complex relationships.

Whatever is present for you this month, I want to offer this simple truth:
Your feelings are valid. They matter. And they are worthy of gentle attention.

The Emotional Landscape of May

If you’re feeling a bit emotionally scrambled this month, you’re not alone. May tends to hold a mix of:

Celebratory Moments:

A sense of renewal as the weather shifts
Graduations, proms, and “move-up” ceremonies
A fresh start in health or wellness routines
Mother’s Day celebrations with loved ones


Tender or Complicated Emotions:

Grief for a mother, child, or dream not yet fulfilled
Loneliness or exclusion from seasonal milestones
Pressure around body image or comparison
Emotional whiplash from everyone else's "highlight reels"


Scripture reminds us in Romans 12:15:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
Sometimes, we’re doing both at the same time.


Making Space for Your Truth

We often feel pressure to “match” the emotional tone around us. To smile when we’re hurting. To push down grief in the face of someone else’s joy. But our emotional world is sacred ground. You are allowed to name what’s real for you, even when it doesn’t fit the mood of the month.

Here are a few questions for gentle reflection:

What’s blooming in me right now—and what’s still tender or raw?
Are there emotions I’ve been pushing aside that need a moment of acknowledgment?
What’s one expectation (mine or someone else’s) I can release this month?
Where might I need to offer myself more compassion or room for joy?

Try journaling these questions, bringing them into prayer, or just being present with them on a quiet walk.


Simple Ways to Care for Yourself in Every Mood

You don’t have to fix your feelings—you can simply care for them. Here are a few small ways to honor whatever you're carrying this month:


If You're Celebrating...

Take time to savor—write down the moment or share it with a friend.
Ground yourself with gratitude, but don’t guilt yourself for your joy.
Reach out to someone who may need encouragement—it helps deepen your celebration.


If You're Grieving, Tender, or Feeling Disconnected...

Light a candle for what you've lost or long for.
Write a letter—to God, to your future self, or even to someone you’ve lost.
Create your own mini-ritual: a walk, a favorite meal, a private moment of remembrance.
Take a social media break if scrolling amplifies comparison or grief.


For Everyone...

Let your body lead: rest when tired, stretch when stiff, and move when you feel stuck.
Reconnect with God, not through striving but through stillness.
Nourish your soul with something that brings quiet joy: a song, a book, or a cup of tea in the sun.
Make time to connect with those who see you and embrace you fully as you are.


Closing Thought

May is a garden. Some parts are bursting with color. Others are just beginning to grow. Some may still feel hidden, waiting for the right time to bloom. Wherever you are in the landscape of this month, know this:

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are worthy of gentleness and joy. And you are not alone.

Join us for a free, in-person session at New Life Church in Henderson, Texas, as part of the Exchanged Life Series. This session will explore the journey of grief and loss through a biblical lens, offering grace-based insights, emotional validation, and Christ-centered hope. Whether you are grieving a loved one, a relationship, or a difficult life transition, you’ll be encouraged and supported as we uncover how God meets us in our pain.

Register here👉 www.christian-counseling.org/grief-class

When we hear the word “burnout,” most of us think of long hours, overbooked calendars, and sheer exhaustion. But what if burnout isn’t just about how much we do?

What if it’s about how deeply we care—and how deeply we feel betrayed when our care is not honored?

For many, burnout doesn’t stem from doing too much. It stems from giving too much to environments that don’t see them, don’t support them, and don’t align with their core values. This isn’t just tiredness—it’s heartbreak. It’s emotional betrayal.

The Deeper Truth Behind Burnout

We’ve been taught to link burnout solely to output—too much work, not enough rest. But people don’t burn out from passion. They burn out when the places they give their passion to don’t give back.

When you show up with dedication, empathy, and loyalty to a job, a company, or a mission—and in return, you’re met with indifference, unrealistic demands, or toxic culture—that’s betrayal. You trusted the system with your energy, and that trust was broken.

The Silent Symptoms of Betrayal-Based Burnout

Unlike traditional burnout that feels like fatigue, betrayal-based burnout carries a different weight. You may notice:

Emotional disconnection – You stop caring about the things you used to love.
Resentment – A quiet anger builds as you feel unseen or taken for granted.
Cynicism – You start questioning the point of your work or your purpose.
Loss of identity – You wonder who you are when your values are constantly compromised.

This isn’t just a sign you need a vacation. It’s a sign your emotional safety has been violated.

When Values and Systems Clash

We all have a deep need to live in alignment with our values—whether that’s compassion, justice, creativity, or authenticity. When we’re in systems that require us to:

Stay silent about injustice
Put profits over people
Numb our emotions to survive
Be productive over being human

—we experience internal dissonance. The result? A spiritual, emotional, and even physical breakdown. That’s what many are mislabeling as “just burnout.”

Healing Starts with Naming the Betrayal

You can’t heal what you won’t name. And if you’re in a place of burnout that no amount of rest seems to fix, it may be time to ask:

What part of me has been betrayed here?
Where have I silenced my truth to stay safe or employed?
What values am I sacrificing, and at what cost?

Naming the emotional betrayal helps reclaim your power. It puts the responsibility back on systems—not just individuals—to cultivate environments where trust, humanity, and well-being are honored.

Steps Toward Recovery and Reconnection

To begin healing from betrayal-based burnout, consider these trauma-informed steps:

Reconnect with Your Voice

Start journaling your unmet needs and silenced thoughts. What truths have you buried to survive?
Honor Your Boundaries

Learn to say no, reclaim rest, and recognize that your worth is not tied to productivity.
Find Value-Aligned Community

Healing accelerates when you’re seen, heard, and supported by people who share your values.
Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself for staying too long in systems that didn’t serve you. You did what you needed to survive.

Give Yourself Permission to Choose Again

Whether it’s changing roles, shifting careers, or redefining your goals—remember, you are allowed to change your mind when your soul is no longer in agreement.

Final Thoughts: This Isn’t Weakness—It’s Wisdom

Burnout is not a flaw in you. It’s a signal from your body, mind, and soul that something isn’t working. And when that something is emotional betrayal, the healing requires more than time off. It requires truth-telling, soul-tending, and systemic change.

So the next time you feel burnout creeping in, pause and ask yourself:

Is this really about the hours I’m working… or the parts of me I’m abandoning to keep working?

Meta Description:

Discover the hidden reason behind burnout. It’s not always about doing too much—it’s about emotional betrayal when your values are ignored. Learn how to heal from value-based burnout.

Our relationship with God—what we believe about His love, presence, and trustworthiness—often draws from more than just theology. The foundation for how we understand love, safety, and connection is often shaped by our earliest human relationships. For some, those early experiences were warm and supportive. For others, they may have been marked by unpredictability, neglect, or pain.
When childhood involves adversity, some people find that these experiences negatively influence how they relate to God later in life. Others, raised in difficult environments, feel deeply connected to a loving and protective God. Others fall somewhere in between, still exploring how their past experiences and their spiritual life intersect. There’s no one right way to relate to God—but the intersection of trauma and faith is a topic worth exploring, both in therapy and in research. By asking questions rather than offering answers, we can begin to understand how early experiences may (or may not) influence a person’s spiritual journey.

Your Voice Matters: Invitation to Participate in Research
I’m conducting a study to better understand the relationship between childhood trauma, post-traumatic outcomes, and attachment to God. The study aims to explore how people’s early life experiences might shape their relationship with God.
If you’re 18 or older, have experienced at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), and believe in a higher power, I would be grateful for your participation. Your perspective could offer valuable insights into how faith and trauma intersect, and how this connection can inform spiritual care in the mental health field.

https://northwestupsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7QgxS4FgCDtpFFI

Thank you for considering this opportunity to share your story. Please feel free to pass this along to others who may be interested.