Christian Counselor Directory Blog

The internet is where our kids learn, play, and connect—but it’s also where they can become vulnerable to online predators and exploitation. Parents don’t need to panic, but we do need to stay informed.

Our founder, Christy Graham, spends a lot of time learning about human trafficking from local, state, national and even international experts. She suggests several specific family habits that can improve safety, teach skills for healthy, and catch red flag situations early.
Family Habits

1. Create electronic free zones in the bedroom and at meals.

2. Evaluate media using trusted sources like Common Sense Media.

3. Play on the online platforms your child is using.

4. Ask best/worst/weird questions about everything and everywhere.
Next Steps

Human Trafficking Institute, a group that trains legal professionals on how to prosecute human trafficking, recently had a lunch and learn. That’s why we’re sharing a helpful Parent Guide from the Human Trafficking Institute—a trusted resource designed to help families protect children and teens from online grooming, manipulation, and trafficking risks. The guide offers clear, age-appropriate tips on how to talk with your kids about online safety, recognize red flags, and set healthy digital boundaries.

Whether your child is just starting to use social media or already has an active online life, this guide will help you start conversations that keep them safe without fear or shame.

👉 Download the guide here: HTI Online Safety Guide
Then take ten minutes tonight to look through it together as a family—because online safety starts with open communication.

Christy would love to connect if you have questions or need training to support these family habits. Contact her at Christy@AcornCounseling.Services. If you are concerned about media use, possible exposure or exploitation, please contact her today. If you see something odd and want to report possible Human Trafficking, call the National Human Trafficking Hotline at 1-888-373-7888.

Have you asked your teenager a simple question, like “How was your day?” and gotten a
one-word answer, such as “Fine”? Or maybe you only received a shrug. We can feel powerless
when our teenagers stop talking to us. While this withdrawal is a typical part of seeking
independence, it can also signal underlying mental health issues, leaving parents unsure how to
respond. The good news is, parents, you’re not powerless. While we often focus on their
academic and athletic skills, one of the most valuable skills a teenager can develop is effective
communication. And it is the most trainable of all skills.
Support Your Teen

The “Level Up Your Connections” group, offered by Acorn Counseling Education
Services, is designed for teenagers to learn and practice practical skills that improve their
everyday communication. These skills are not rote theoretical concepts, but real-world tools that
can be personalized and applied in daily situations. The goal is to expand their toolkit with
practical ways to express their thoughts while also building their self-confidence. Teens will
master their skills in a productive way that feels natural, powering them to navigate social
interactions with confidence and ease.
Let’s Talk, Parent to Parent

I’ll never forget the night my daughter, who barely spoke to me, opened up about a
problem with a friend. We didn’t solve it, but we re-established a connection. Our goal is to
improve family communication, as well as encourage healthy interactions with oneself,
classmates, friends, teachers, and potential employers. Effective communication between parents
and teenagers can reduce stress and foster healthier families, making improved relationships a
reality we can look forward to.
Group Focus

The group begins with “Find Your Core”. Navigating adolescence involves more than
just fitting in; it’s about developing a strong inner compass by finding your ‘core‘. For teens,
discovering this core means identifying their authentic selves, their deeply held values, beliefs,
and purpose—beyond external pressures from friends, social media, or other expectations. While
the group is getting to know its members, we will delve into their values and what is dear to
them. Discovering what truly matters to a person is about stepping out of the taken-for-granted
mode and helping them see that their actions have an impact on those around them. By
recognizing what matters most, teens can build self-respect, make confident decisions, and
cultivate resilience to stay grounded even when faced with challenges. This journey of self-
discovery provides the foundation for a more authentic and meaningful life.

The ”Skills to Chill and Talk” sessions will focus on learning how to communicate by
sharing your thoughts and feelings with confidence. Mastering the skills to ‘chill and talk’ helps
teens navigate conflicts and deepen relationships. Instead of reacting with heightened emotions,
chilling involves learning to pause, take a deep breath, and calm down before responding.
Talking effectively means using ‘I feel’ statements to express feelings constructively without
placing blame, while also practicing active listening to understand the other person’s perspective.
By embracing these techniques, teens can transform potential fights into opportunities for mutual
understanding, fostering more positive and resilient social connections. This shift empowers
them to approach disagreements with maturity and a focus on finding a resolution rather than
winning an argument.

“Lower the Drama” sessions focus on learning healthier ways to handle conflict and
stress. Teens will explore strategies and role-play different scenarios to help them determine
their preferred styles of communication. Rather than fueling drama for attention or out of
insecurity, teens can develop better coping mechanisms. Cultivating emotional intelligence,
practicing active listening, and communicating feelings clearly can help teens navigate
disagreements with friends and family more productively. Encouraging teens to focus on their
goals and healthy relationships, and to know when to disengage from toxic situations, provides
them with the tools to prioritize a more positive and stable social life. By developing these skills,
teens can learn to manage conflict constructively, rather than letting drama dictate their
interactions.
Next Step
Counselor Cheri Sassmann

Cheri Sassman, LPC Associate Supervised by Kathryn Morgan, LPC S

Join us for six engaging ninety-minute sessions where we will explore communication
scenarios, analyze impactful video clips, and participate in discussions and role-plays. We’ll
infuse humor into our learning while valuing everyone’s contributions. Together, we’ll focus on
the present and shape a positive future by applying evidence-based skills that enhance self-
confidence, respect, and healthy boundaries. The potential for improved relationships and
academic performance is within your reach. Don’t miss out—sign up today by emailing Cheri@AcornCounseling.Services! The group starts on October 21, 2025, at 4:00 PM.

https://www.stjohnswomenscounselingandtherapy.com/blog/discovering-gods-purpose

Relationships are the cornerstone of human connection, enriching our lives through shared love, trust, and support. But as rewarding as relationships can be, they also come with their challenges. One of the most significant struggles people face is finding the balance between preserving grace—acting with kindness and understanding—and establishing boundaries that protect their well-being. It’s a delicate dance, but when done well, it creates healthier and more fulfilling relationships, not just with others but also with ourselves.

What Does It Mean to Balance Grace and Boundaries?

Grace in relationships refers to the ability to give others kindness, patience, and understanding, even when they fall short or make mistakes. It's about seeing the humanity in others, offering forgiveness, and cultivating empathy. On the other hand, boundaries represent the limits we set to protect our emotional, physical, and mental well-being. They prevent us from being taken advantage of and establish what behaviors are acceptable in a relationship.

Balancing grace and boundaries means recognizing the inherent value in both. It’s about being kind and compassionate without sacrificing self-respect or allowing others to compromise your personal values. For example, showing grace might mean forgiving a friend who unintentionally hurt you, while setting a boundary might involve explaining calmly why certain behaviors aren’t acceptable moving forward.

Why Is This Balance Important?

When one side of the balance outweighs the other, relationships can suffer:

1. When There’s Grace but No Boundaries

Without boundaries, grace can become enabling. Constantly excusing harmful behavior under the guise of forgiveness creates an environment where unhealthy dynamics thrive. Over giving and tolerating disrespect can lead to resentment, burnout, and feelings of being taken for granted.

Example: You may forgive a partner repeatedly for dismissing your feelings during arguments, believing you're being “gracious.” However, over time, this lack of boundaries erodes trust and leaves you feeling unheard and undervalued.

2. When There Are Boundaries but No Grace

Excessively rigid boundaries, on the other hand, can alienate others and inhibit connection. If relationships become overly transactional or defensive, they lose emotional depth and vulnerability. Boundaries without grace may come across as cold or dismissive.

Example: You may isolate yourself from someone after an argument by refusing to engage, thinking you’re protecting yourself. But without grace and dialogue, the relationship may dissolve unnecessarily.

A balance ensures relationships are built on mutual respect and compassion, while safeguarding personal well-being. Grace allows you to see the good in people; boundaries ensure that you don’t lose yourself in the process.

How to Set Healthy Boundaries While Being Gracious

Striking the balance between grace and boundaries requires intentionality. Below are steps to help nurture relationships without compromising your emotional health:

1. Define Your Boundaries Clearly

Healthy boundaries are specific and non-negotiable. These boundaries reflect core values and personal limits; they’re not about controlling others but about honoring yourself.

Example: “I need time to decompress after work, so I’m setting a boundary that I won’t answer phone calls during that time.

Be clear when communicating boundaries but do so in a calm and respectful way. Grace comes into play in how you set and enforce them—without blame or resentment.

2. Know the Difference Between Grace and Tolerance

Grace doesn’t mean tolerating repeated disrespect or patterns of harm. It’s important to discern when someone’s behavior is a one-time mistake versus a recurring issue.

Example: You can show grace by forgiving a friend for canceling plans last-minute once, but a boundary might be needed if this becomes a habit.

Tip: Grace requires self-reflection. Ask yourself, *“Am I excusing this behavior out of compassion, or am I enabling it at my own expense?”*

3. Use “I” Statements to Foster Communication

When addressing boundaries, avoid accusatory tones that escalate tension. Instead, use “I” statements to express your needs while prioritizing grace.

Example: “I feel overwhelmed when our conversations include sarcasm; could we approach things more calmly?”

This approach affirms your perspective while allowing space for an open conversation.

4. Be Gracious, But Firm

Grace doesn’t mean allowing boundaries to be crossed repeatedly. If someone ignores your limits, hold firm while communicating kindly. Think of grace as the way you deliver your boundaries—not whether you enforce them.

Example: “I appreciate that you want time with me, but when you don’t respect my alone time, it affects my ability to recharge. I need you to honor this boundary so I can be present when we’re together.”

Boundaries are meant to protect your energy, not punish others. Approach the situation with understanding but maintain your stance.

5. Forgive, But Don’t Forget to Protect Yourself

Grace often involves forgiveness, but this doesn’t mean overlooking repeated offenses. You can forgive someone’s behavior while adjusting your boundaries to prevent further harm. Forgiveness and accountability can coexist.

Example: “I forgive you for what happened, but moving forward I need to establish more space in our relationship for my emotional well-being.”

Building Graceful Boundaries as a Lifestyle

Balancing grace and boundaries aren’t just about specific relationships—it’s a personal mindset that can improve all areas of your life. As you begin practicing this balance, remember:

1. It’s OK to Say No.
Setting boundaries might cause discomfort at first. Grace reminds us that we can say no with kindness and clarity.
2. Reciprocity Over Sacrifice.
Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect. Grace involves compassion, but boundaries ensure reciprocity so that you don’t sacrifice your needs entirely.
3. You Can Be Compassionate Without Accepting Harm.
Grace reminds us that forgiveness is powerful, but boundaries ensure that repeated harm doesn’t become an ongoing cost.

Final Thoughts

Balancing grace and boundaries is like tending a garden. Grace is the water—it nurtures growth and strengthens connections. Boundaries are the fence—they protect the garden from damage and allow it to flourish. Both are essential ingredients for thriving relationships.

By approaching relationships with kindness and self-respect, we can foster deeper connections without losing sight of our own well-being. Whether it’s with friends, family, partners, or colleagues, learning this balance is key to living authentically and building relationships that serve and strengthen everyone involved.

So, next time you find yourself navigating a tough situation, ask: *How can I extend grace while also honoring my needs?* With practice, this balance can transform your relationships—and your life.

It’s 3 AM, and your phone’s too quiet. The glow of the screen feels like a spotlight on your doubts. You sent three texts—maybe four, if you’re being real. One had a heart emoji, another a question, maybe one was practically a love letter. And now? Nothing. Just silence that screams louder than any notification ever could. Your mind’s racing: Did I say too much? Am I too needy? Is he with someone else? You tell yourself it’s no big deal—not everyone responds right away. But your heart’s not buying it. It knows this feeling, this ache, from every other time someone left you hanging with a half-hearted “lol” or no reply at all. You’ve been here before, chasing someone who’s not really there. Someone who says, I’m not ready, but I don’t want to lose you. And yet, you keep showing up, heart wide open, boundaries folded away like last season’s clothes.

But here’s the truth, whispered in the quiet of your room: the problem isn’t him. It’s not even the silence. It’s you. Not because you’re broken or “too much,” but because you’re giving your heart to someone who hasn’t earned it. You’re pouring your soul into a cup with holes, then wondering why you feel empty. This isn’t about being an “emotional slut”—drop that word, it’s just shame dressed up as judgment. This is about being so generous with your love that you forget to save some for yourself.

The Mirror of Emotional Unavailability

Here’s the kicker: the people you chase? They’re mirrors. That guy who takes hours to reply—or doesn’t— isn’t just ghosting you. He’s showing you something you’ve been dodging: you’re avoiding yourself. The emotionally unavailable ones reflect the ways you’ve been unavailable to your own needs, your own dreams, your own heart. You’ve been so busy texting poetry to someone who’s still got one foot in their ex’s apartment that you’ve forgotten to write a single line for yourself.

Think about your social media game. You’re posting videos—great lighting, witty captions, maybe even a filter or two. But the views are flat. The likes don’t come. You blame the algorithm, but maybe it’s not the algorithm. Maybe it’s you. Not because you’re not good enough, but because you’re performing for an audience you don’t even trust. You’re begging the world to notice you when you haven’t fully noticed yourself. According to Psychology Today, self-worth starts with self-attention—giving yourself the time and space to see your own value. So, flip the script. Make that next video for you. Not for him, not for followers, not for validation. Just to say, I’m here. I exist. If no one watches, that’s okay. You’re not posting for them. You’re proving something to yourself: you’re done hiding.

Why It Hurts So Much

That ache in your chest? It’s not just about this guy. It’s older. It’s childhood neglect, the times no one showed up when you cried, the moments you learned your needs were too much. So now, you seek connection like it’s oxygen, and every unanswered text feels like suffocation. The Mayo Clinic explains that unresolved emotional wounds can manifest as patterns in relationships, like chasing unavailable partners. You’re not needy—you’re human. But you’ve turned attention into an addiction, chasing it from people who can’t give it.

Here’s the lie you’ve believed: if you give more, they’ll finally see you. If you text one more time, explain one more feeling, they’ll get it. But they already see you. They just don’t have the capacity—or the desire—to hold you. And that’s not your fault. It’s theirs. But it is your signal to stop. To turn inward. To ask: What am I avoiding in myself?

Breaking the Cycle: Stop Chasing, Start Healing

You don’t need to block him or delete the thread (though, honestly, that might help). You just need to pause. Here’s how to stop chasing emotionally unavailable people and start showing up for yourself. These steps aren’t about becoming someone else—they’re about becoming more you.

1. Let Silence Be Your Boundary

Next time he doesn’t reply, don’t fill the void. No follow-up text. No “you okay?” No emojis. Just let it sit. Not to punish him, but to protect you. Silence isn’t rejection—it’s clarity. Use it. Ask yourself: What do I need right now? Not from him. From you. Maybe it’s a walk. Maybe it’s a prayer. Maybe it’s just sitting still and breathing. The American Psychological Association says mindfulness—being present with your own emotions—can rewire how you respond to stress. So try it. Be present. Let the quiet teach you.

2. Own Your Part (Without Shame)

You’ve been on the other side. You’ve been the one who was emotionally unavailable, taking without giving, talking to someone just to fill your own emptiness. And that’s okay—you were surviving. But now you see it. That’s repentance. Not the loud, churchy kind. The quiet kind. The kind where you go to God and say, I hurt people. I didn’t mean to. Forgive me. And you mean it. According to Verywell Mind, self-forgiveness is a key step in breaking destructive patterns. It’s not about erasing the past—it’s about giving yourself permission to grow.

3. Do One Tiny Thing for You

Every day, do one thing that says, I’m here. It doesn’t have to be big. Journal a sentence. Stretch for five minutes. Post a 30-second video with no filter, no agenda. Whisper a prayer: God, see me. The National Alliance on Mental Illness emphasizes that small, consistent acts of self-care build resilience over time. Avoidance is the ex you keep letting back in. Kick it out. Show up for yourself, even when it feels awkward.

4. Redirect the Craving

When you want to text him, don’t. Text God instead. Sounds weird, but try it. Hey, I’m lonely. I want to be seen. Say it out loud. In the car, in the shower, in bed. Wherever. The Cleveland Clinic notes that spiritual practices, like prayer, can anchor you during emotional turbulence. You’re not needy for wanting connection—you’re human. But you’ve been looking in the wrong places. Look up. Look in. That’s where the real stuff lives.

The Attraction of Self-Love

Here’s the secret: when you stop chasing, you start attracting. Not because you’re trying harder, but because you’re full. You’re not performing for likes or begging for texts. You’re just… you. And that’s magnetic. The Harvard Health Blog explains that self-compassion—treating yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend—can shift how others perceive you. When you make that next video, don’t make it for the algorithm. Make it for the version of you that’s been waiting to be noticed. The one who’s been whispering since you were a kid: I’m worth it.

And if no one watches? That’s okay. You’re not posting for them. You’re posting to prove you’re done avoiding. You’re done giving your heart to people who don’t show up. You’re done letting the world decide your worth. Because God already decided. And he’s not ghosting you.

When He Doesn’t Text Back

Next time you feel that sting—the one where he takes too long, or doesn’t reply at all—don’t take it as proof you’re not enough. Take it as a signal. Not that you deserve unavailability, but that you’re still learning to be available to yourself. Every unanswered text is a nudge: Hey. Come back to you. You’re not attracted to his distance because you’re broken. You’re attracted to it because it’s familiar. But familiarity isn’t love. It’s a habit. And habits break.

The Greater Good Science Center says breaking relationship patterns starts with recognizing what you’re repeating. You’ve already done that. You see it now: the chasing, the over-giving, the waiting for someone to validate you. So stop. Not cold turkey—that’s too harsh. Just slow. When you want to text him your whole heart, pause. Write it in a note instead. Say, I feel this. And that’s enough. And then do something else. Paint your nails. Pray. Watch a dumb show. Anything that says, I’m here, and I’m not running.

The Endgame: You Are Enough

You don’t need his texts to feel alive. You don’t need a thousand likes to feel seen. You just need to stop avoiding the one person who’s been waiting for you your whole life: you. And God? He’s been there all along, watching, listening, never ghosting. So thank Him. Thank Him for the silence that woke you up. Thank Him for the pain that taught you. Thank Him for the mirror that showed you your own face.

Tomorrow, wake up. Do one thing for you. Maybe it’s a coffee with no phone. Maybe it’s a video where you say what you actually mean. Maybe it’s just sitting still and saying, I’m here. I’m enough. And when the craving comes—because it will—don’t text him. Don’t scroll for him. Scroll inward. That’s where the connection is. That’s where the healing is. And that’s where the love you’ve been chasing has been hiding all along.

If you'd like support with healing neglect wounds from childhood or emotionally unavailable relationships, feel free to book a consultation where we can explore what healing would look like for you, so you can begin the journey of becoming magnetic.