Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Find a Christian Counselor

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Getting Frank About Leadership With Frank

Wednesday, June 29, 2022 @ 11:24 PM

Frank Reagan, the family assistant patriarch and chief of police for NYPD (played by Tom Selleck) on Blue Bloods, displays great qualities of leadership with balance and poise.

Frank knows the difference between grace and truth and keeps a good balance as a leader and family man.

He also knows the difference between the letter of law and the spirit of the law.

Frank understands the balance between loyalty to people and loyalty to the truth.

He has possessed with great patience but knows when he's been patient enough.

Frank stands behind his people.

You will frequently find him seeking and listening to good counsel from his family or his staff.

He does not see people as all good or all bad

He tries to avoid nepotism and favorites.

You will find him being true to himself and having good boundaries.

Balancing work and family is one of his most important priorities.

He invites and listens to disagreement.

Although he certainly could be, he is not intrusive with his wants or desires.

His honor and morals is what keeps him afloat in a murky environment.

His faith gives him values and direction

He listens to problems without giving immediate solutions.

He has a low respect for image management.

The people he admires are good leaders themselves.

Only when needed will he do close-in leadership

He has a sense of humor about himself and life as well as spirit of celebration.

Walking in grace, he can hear the truth about himself and try to make corrections.

Do you possess some of these qualities? Would you like to? Ask for help to grow these characteristics. They may be ideal, but the more of them you have as leader the more effective you will be.

Sunday, June 19, 2022

Father Wound, Father Blessing 1

Sunday, June 19, 2022 @ 3:02 AM

How does dad’s interaction with mom makes the difference?
We are born symbiotic with our mother. and at about two years old we learn the word no. This is our first attempt at individuation. Then around five years old dad is, hopefully, there to reach into our life and take us out of orbit around mom and bridge us into the world. He then puts the fire in our belly and or the lion in our heart. Dad also helps us learn to love two people at the same time. This process also helps us have boundaries, lead and not shrink back from challenges in the world. It helps us have appropriate aggression
Identity and self-esteem: how dad contributes to these important building blocks.
Our self-esteem comes from our opposite gender parent and our identity comes from our same gender parent. that self-esteem or identity is enhanced or shut down by what our parents say about each other and about themselves. this can happen either implicitly or explicitly.
Four Roles of fathers and how it relates to our developmental stages and can give us great blessings
Nurturer: This role is of primary importance to the child between birth and age five.
Law Giver: This role is of primary importance to the child between the ages of six and twelve.
Warrior/Protector: The role is of primary importance to the child between the ages of twelve and eighteen.
Spiritual Mentor: This role is of primary importance to the older child as he or she moves into adulthood.

See Making Peace With Your Father by David Stoop, Ph.D.

See Making Peace With Your Father by David Stoop, Ph.D.

Monday, June 13, 2022

Forgive to Health

Monday, June 13, 2022 @ 4:27 PM

How is a person's physical and mental health linked to emotional health? Is it possible that your frequent head aches, joint pain, troubles with eating, sleeplessness, depression, anxiety, or similar symptoms have an unhealthy emotional root connected somewhere to the cause? The likelihood is very real, and even more chronic conditions like cancer are often linked to bitterness and unforgiveness in a person’s heart.

Research Reveals

Anger, when turned to bitterness, hatred, resentment or rage, is very destructive to the human body. Holding grudges, rehearsing retaliatory speeches in your mind, and ruminating (dwelling on negative consequences of hurt and mistreatment) create harmful stress that the human body is not designed to tolerate. Research has shown the link between harboring negative feelings and the breakdown of mind and body. This topic is addressed in a recent book called The Forgiveness Project by Michael Barry and is subtitled, the Startling Discovery of How to Overcome Cancer, Find Health, and Achieve Peace.
Here is the back cover description of Barry’s book: "Internalizing anger is destructive to our spiritual health and can destroy families, marriages, and even churches. But what about our physical health? Is there a relationship between a spirit of unforgiveness and disease? Between forgiveness and healing? After extensive medical, theological, and sociological research at Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA), author and pastor Michael Barry made a startling discovery: the immune system and forgiveness are very much connected. Through the inspiring stories of five cancer patients, Barry helps you identify-and overcome-the barriers that prevent healing and peace. See how a breast cancer patient named Jayne experienced spiritual and physical renewal when she learned to forgive. Meet Rich whose surprise cancer diagnosis led him to forgive his cousin. Be inspired by Sharon's story of spontaneous remission. With each true account comes proven strategies, tested and used by CTCA, that you can implement to find peace with your past, relief from hatefulness, and hope for healing."
Unforgiveness may not create disease, but it certainly fuels the condition(s) for disease to take hold. In his book Barry reports Robert Ader, at the University of Rochester Medical Center as saying, "psychological experiences, such as stress and anxiety, can influence immune function, which in turn may have an effect on disease course.. Certain data indicate that factors such as suppressing emotions of anger and hatred (which are the ingredients of unforgiveness) negatively influence a person's susceptibility to disease."
Dr. Everett Worthington,, forerunning researcher and author of numerous books on forgiveness, writes, "Chronic unforgiveness causes stress. Every time people think of their transgressor, their body responds. Decreasing your unforgiveness cuts down on your health risk. Now, if you can forgive, that can actually strengthen your immune system."
So maybe you haven't been diagnosed with cancer. What about the everyday aches and pains for which many Americans customarily turn to pills for treatment?
Many visits to medical doctors could be averted if people paid more attention to their emotional health. Herb Benson, MD, proves the point when he says, "Sixty to 90 percent of visits to physicians are for conditions related to stress. Harmful effects of stress include anxiety, mild and moderate depression, anger and hostility, hypertension, pain, insomnia, and many other stress-related diseases."

Stress Relief

Because it is widely misunderstood, forgiveness is often overlooked as a major source of stress relief. In chapter two of my book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart, I discuss the evidence of people's misunderstanding of forgiveness. Many people incorrectly assume their decision to forgive has cleared them of the negative effects of the baggage that goes with unforgiveness. Mentally deciding to forgive does not equate to willingness and commitment to taking the action steps of release in the heart.
Forgiveness does not come from simply saying, "I forgive ... ." It requires a heartfelt change through which the anger and hatred are transformed into feelings of peaceful neutrality and on to genuine love and concern for the offender. My book mentioned above explains this process from a Christian perspective. Forgiveness is surrendering to God the ultimate right to judge. Forgiveness cannot be reduced to methodology solely achieved by following pre-determined step-by-step instructions. It is much more complex and gradually accomplished by gaining new insights and practicing empathy and love.

Avoid the Misunderstandings

Eva Mozes Kor and her twin sister, Miriam, survived the Holocaust and the Auschwitz concentration camp, Eva was asked, "What is the thing that is most misunderstood about forgiveness?' She replied, "Forgiveness has the reputation that the perpetrator has to be sorry. The biggest misconception is that forgiveness is for the perpetrator. It's strictly a gift of freedom I give myself. It's free! You don't need an HMO. There are no side effects, and it works. It's like a miracle drug. Instead of changing the world—that's too big of a job—we have to repair it one place at a time...." A huge thing to discover is that forgiveness and reconciliation are two different processes.
For those who may get past the first hurdle of misunderstanding, the second hurdle, misdiagnosing the condition of heart, often trips them up. For most people, hatred is a well-disguised deceptive tumor. At least in some degree, hatred is alive in every breathing human being. Although most do not consider themselves a "hateful person," condemning and judgmental tendencies exist in every human heart. These elements grow and create cancer-like emotional conditions that often go undetected. Just as every individual is unique in how they develop and treat bodily cancer, each is unique in how emotional cancer is developed and treated.
Anger will turn to the cancer of hatred if not properly treated. Hatred is anger saturated with bitterness. Unrecognized and unacknowledged hatred (confusing or excusing it as mere anger) is a common ailment of the human heart. Hurt combined with hatred does not heal on its own. Hurt turned to hatred requires intentional healing balm. The process of forgiveness is the most effective treatment.

Guard Your Heart

One of the most satisfying fruits of forgiveness is better physical and mental health. Is it worth finding out more about forgiveness and making the necessary changes to practice forgiveness? Absolutely! Good health has no price tag. The ancient Proverb says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it" (proverbs 4:23). Healthy individuals build healthy families, and healthy families can build a healthy society. Understanding and practicing forgiveness goes a long way to facilitate health.
Forgiveness may not be the complete answer to all life's problems. It is surely a door to access the treasures of healing. For a Christian, that Door is Jesus Christ (see John 10) who accomplishes forgiveness and provides access to the very heart of Father God. Believing in Jesus surrenders the heart to the Almighty’s power to save. Refuge is found for the eternal healing of the soul.
I hope you are able to receive, and be blessed by, the healing power of forgiveness today.

Note: The book Escaping the Pain of Offense: Empowered to Forgive from the Heart discusses themes of dealing with disappointments, offense and finding freedom in forgiveness. This book is designed to help people (especially in the Christian faith) to discover and dislodge things in life that lead to defeat. Don't miss out on your chance to use this book as a helpful tool in discovering Refuge in Christ. It can be purchased by clicking here: