Christian Counselor Directory Blog

A few weeks ago I attended a beautiful Christian wedding. The pastor did a great job because his message actually informed the couple that even though their celebration together on this day surrounded by family and friends was creating beautiful memories, they might experience some disappointing moments and those moments could possibly happen very quickly after the ceremony ended. He encouraged them not be caught off guard in those disappointing moments but to know this is normal and in these disappointments they should take a deep breath, seek wisdom and guidance and even ask the Lord in prayer to help them.

What wisdom! I'm afraid we've given couples a Hallmark version of marriage where there are no problems and everything turns out gloriously every single moment. We don't do newlyweds any favors to suggest that marriage is without disappointing moments and includes many times of working through tough hurts.

What you might not know is that the number one emotion that causes couples to be disconnected is disappointment. It is wise to inform couples that disappointment will come, but this doesn't mean that these disappointing interactions are deal breakers. Disappointment is simply an opportunity for couples to learn how to solve problems and to grow together in victory.

Many couples I work with are shocked to hear about the power of disappointment and how normal it is for married couples to be disappointed in their marriage. Couples witness others in church and other groups who never look disappointed. They wonder what is wrong with them, why they aren't thriving in their marriage.

Christian couples need to learn how to be married! Many couples never saw good examples of marriage and for the most part are expecting things "to just work out." For this reason I created a course they can work through watching videos and doing assignments from a workbook so they can have a better understanding of navigating marriage and improving the marriage relationship. Committing to improving their marriage with this training will definitely help couples create new habits, learn more about each other and marriage and escape being stuck in a disappointing marriage.

Is your mind filled with anxiety?
Maybe you’re suffering from sleepless nights and feeling nervous and upset all day…
Worrying all the time…
Imagining the worst-case scenario…
Maybe having an anxiety free mind sounds impossible.
Maybe you think anxiety is helpful and necessary.
That it helps you solve your problems.
But if you’re honest, what you really want is to relax and calm down.
You want to be free of anxiety.
It is truly possible to become anxiety free – no matter what your situation is.
A few years ago, I was an anxious mess. A family situation had me in knots. I hardly ate, couldn’t sleep, and was consumed with worry all day. In the midst of my miser

Here’s what I discovered…

1. DON’T BELIEVE EVERY THING your mind tells you!
It’s true! Thoughts are just thoughts! You don’t need to trust every one of them. Not all thoughts are equal.

2. Become AWARE of your thoughts.
This means pausing long enough to become mindful of the thoughts rolling around in your mind. Take a break from your whirlwind of thoughts. Stop long enough to sort out your thoughts and feelings. Identify the ones causing your anxiety.

3. ASK YOURSELF: Where do these thoughts come from?
This is a reflective process that takes a bit of time but helps you understand the root of your thoughts. Thoughts come from a lifetime of experiences that have formed impressions or unconscious ideas about how life works and your place in the world. For example, individuals with anxiety might have unconscious thoughts like…
I will always be a worrier.
Life is unsafe and scary.
Anxiety helps me cope with problems.
I’ll never be able to calm down.
Something must be wrong with me.

4. Identify CORE BELIEFS
Unconscious thoughts affect everything you do. They influence your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions. Why? Because they form the foundational system of beliefs by which you live.
They are called CORE BELIEFS. For instance, someone living with the core belief that anxiety is the way to cope with problems, experiences a mind automatically filled with anxious thoughts and feelings when something happens.
An event could even be neutral but those of us with anxiety will interpret it as being negative and dangerous. While someone else operating from a different set of beliefs might interpret the event as a positive opportunity.

5. Accept and change LIMITING BELIEFS
Core beliefs become LIMITING BELIEFS when you trust and act on them. Hanging on to the core belief, for instance, that life is unsafe and scary, holds you back in life. Fear and anxiety control your thoughts, feelings, decisions and actions.
The key to reducing limiting beliefs that cause anxiety is to allow and accept them. Be aware of your limiting beliefs and decide to do something about the ones that cause anxious thoughts.
Remember: You don’t have to believe everything your mind tells you!

You always have a choice to change negative thoughts and limiting beliefs into positive thoughts and empowering beliefs.

Here’s how…

Replace old beliefs with new beliefs. For instance, someone with the old belief, “I will never be able to calm down,” could change it to the new belief, “I can calm down. I can do what it takes to calm down.”
Repeat the new belief to yourself every day! Even several times a day. Make it a habit. This will start to reprogram your mind and create new neural pathways in your brain.
You can reprogram your mind and become anxiety free!

I hope you can follow these 5 steps to become aware of your limiting beliefs, change them to new empowering beliefs and to repeat them often. Take this path to become anxiety free.

However, if you are truly struggling with anxiety that keep you nervous and troubled, watch my FREE 10 minute video on How to Stop Anxiety (https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/) to learn the exact 3 steps you can take to Become Anxiety Free.

Jane Kennard PhD, CPC is a Canadian born anxiety coach whose desire is to help women become anxiety free. Her purpose is to support women struggling with anxiety, overwhelm and worry and help them experience anxiety free living. She lives in Texas with her husband and Bishon pup, Toby. Find out more and sign up for a free consultation here.

Attending church regularly, praying, Bible-reading, and devotionals are worthwhile activities, but activity alone does not make a relationship.

Kingdom Blueprint takes a deep dive into what it looks like to be called into a relationship with the Living God--and how to allow that relationship to transform our relationships with ourselves and others.

Relationships explore how to
See and embrace God's invitation to relationship
Overcome resistance to the invitation
Stop sabotaging relationship with God and others
Accept God's invitation to enter into our true selves
Sit in the presence of God
Actively participate in intentional spiritual formation and transformation
Use seven disciplines to orient yourself to the presence of God

Alright, mama—let’s get real for a minute. How many times have you said yes to something (you didn’t really want to do) just to avoid feeling guilty? Yup, same. But here's the thing—saying no doesn’t have to feel like you’re stepping on someone’s toes or sending out a breakup text. Nope! You can protect your time and energy without all the guilt or awkwardness.

Saying no can be tough, especially when you're juggling relationships, family, and life’s never-ending demands. But guess what? There’s a secret sauce to saying no nicely that’ll leave you feeling empowered and keep your relationships intact. Whether you’re turning down a PTA project, rejecting an invite, or just trying to carve out some me-time without offending anyone, I’m here to help you master the graceful (and totally doable) art of saying no—without feeling like a jerk.

Let’s dive in and learn how you can say no without sacrificing your sanity or your relationships.

Why You NEED to Learn How to Say No

Listen, I know you want to be there for everyone. But trying to keep all those plates spinning is going to lead you straight to Burnout City—and nobody wants that. Here’s the truth: when you say yes to everything, you’re actually saying no to yourself. And trust me, saying no every now and then is the best form of self-care you can give yourself.

Learning how to say no is like reclaiming your power. When you start setting those boundaries, you’re protecting your peace and energy. You’ll be more present when you do say yes because it won’t come with all that resentment and exhaustion.

What Happens When You Don’t Say No? (Spoiler: It’s Not Good)

Ever found yourself knee-deep in something you wish you could bail on? Maybe it’s volunteering for that bake sale you never had time for, or attending that social event that’s draining your already-limited energy. Here’s what happens when you don’t say no: you stretch yourself too thin, and eventually, you’ll snap. And mama, that’s no good for you or anyone else.

When you’re always saying yes, you’re giving up the time you need for yourself. Eventually, resentment sneaks in (and we all know that’s a recipe for disaster). Your relationships suffer, your mental health takes a hit, and worst of all, you start to lose you. Saying no allows you to say YES to things that fill your cup instead of emptying it.

The Art of Assertiveness (AKA Standing Your Ground Without Being Mean)

Saying no doesn’t mean you’re suddenly going to become the “mean mom” (don’t worry, you won’t!). It’s all about being assertive—which is basically just a fancy way of saying you’re confident in expressing your needs. And guess what? You can do it kindly without being aggressive or cold.

Think of assertiveness like this: It’s about setting the tone, drawing your boundaries in the sand, and letting people know what you need, all while keeping things cool, calm, and respectful. No drama, no attitude—just clear communication. You’re saying, “This is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” It’s that simple.

You’re allowed to say no—and when you do it confidently, people respect you more for it. The truth is, people often take their cues from you. When you approach something with confidence and calmness, they’ll pick up on that and respond accordingly. They may even admire you for being clear and firm about what works for you.

The key here is balance. Assertiveness isn’t about being harsh or cold; it’s about valuing yourself enough to speak up. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being overly passive (saying yes to everything and drowning in commitments) and being too aggressive (snapping and shutting people down). Instead, assertiveness is your power tool for saying no in a way that respects both you and the other person. You can say no to that extra task, the social invitation, or the favor, and still keep the relationship intact. It’s about honesty, and honesty—when paired with kindness—is always a win.

How to Say No Without the Awkwardness: Communication 101
Okay, so you’re ready to say no, but how do you do it without feeling like you’re letting someone down or coming off as rude? It’s all in how you communicate. Let’s break it down:

1. Be Honest but Brief (and Skip the Novel-Sized Explanation)
Here’s the thing—most people don’t need a long, drawn-out explanation when you’re saying no. In fact, over-explaining can sometimes make things more awkward. For example, you don’t need to go into detail about your laundry list of reasons why you can’t do something. A simple, “I’d love to help, but I’m not able to commit right now” works like a charm. It’s honest, respectful, and best of all—it leaves no room for guilt.

The truth is people appreciate when you’re upfront. Being honest shows you’re genuine, and they’ll respect your boundaries more. And bonus: You’re not left scrambling to come up with excuses or get caught up in a web of unnecessary explanations.

2. Use “I” Statements to Keep it Personal, Not Blamey
One of the best ways to soften a no is by framing it in terms of your own needs. Using “I” statements is a simple yet powerful tool. Saying things like, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need to take a breather” or “I don’t have the capacity to take this on right now” focuses on your feelings and circumstances, instead of making the other person feel at fault for asking.

Compare these two examples:

“You always ask me to do too much!” (Aggressive, right?)

“I’m really stretched thin right now, and I need to focus on other priorities.” (So much kinder!)

The key here is ownership. When you focus on your limits and needs, it’s clear that your no isn’t personal—it’s about managing your own well-being.

3. The Power of the “No, But...” Approach
If you’re worried about saying no completely and want to keep the door open for future possibilities, the “No, But...” strategy works wonders. Let’s say a friend invites you to a last-minute brunch, but your Sunday morning is already booked with errands and a rare moment of relaxation. Instead of feeling pressured, you can say, “I can’t make it this Sunday, but how about next weekend instead?”

This approach shows that you’re still interested in maintaining the relationship, but you’re prioritizing your time in a way that works for you. It softens the blow of a no and gives both you and the other person an alternative to look forward to.

Here’s how it could work in other situations:

At work: “I’m swamped with deadlines right now, but I’d be happy to review the project next week.”

With a friend: “I’m not up for a big night out, but I’d love to catch up over coffee soon.”

With family: “I can’t host the holiday dinner this year, but I can help with the planning and decorations.”

4. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood
Sometimes, when things get tense or awkward, a little humor can go a long way. If saying no feels uncomfortable, injecting a bit of lightheartedness can make it feel less heavy for both you and the person asking. For example, if someone asks you to do something that’s just not feasible, you could say something like, “I’d love to, but I’m already trying to figure out how to clone myself to get through this week!” It keeps the mood friendly while still delivering your no.

Of course, this tactic only works if humor feels natural for you and the relationship. If the vibe is more formal, stick with a polite decline. But don’t be afraid to let a little personality shine through—saying no doesn’t have to feel like a legal proceeding!

5. Be Consistent and Firm (Without Wavering or Backtracking)
When you say no, stand by it. Often, the guilt that follows makes us second-guess ourselves, and before we know it, we’re adding qualifiers like, “Well, maybe I can make it work…” No, mama, hold your ground! Being consistent is key. If you say no but start to backtrack, it sends mixed signals and weakens your boundary.

Example: A friend asks you to volunteer for the school bake sale, and you’ve already got too much on your plate. You say no politely, but then start wavering with something like, “Well, I suppose I could make a few cupcakes…” Suddenly, you’re right back to feeling overcommitted. Instead, stick to your original no and keep it firm. “I wish I could help, but I’ve got too much going on this week. I’ll have to pass this time.”

It’s about being kind but standing your ground. You deserve to protect your energy.

6. Timing Is Everything
Believe it or not, when you say no can matter just as much as how you say it. If possible, deliver your no sooner rather than later—dragging it out only adds to the awkwardness. If you know you can’t commit to something, don’t wait until the last minute to let the person know. For example, if someone asks for your help next week but you already know your schedule is jam-packed, it’s better to give a polite no early on: “I won’t be able to help next week, but I wanted to let you know now so you can find someone else.”

Being timely not only keeps things smooth and respectful, but it also shows you’re considering the other person’s needs by giving them ample notice.

7. Acknowledge the Other Person’s Feelings, but Stay Focused on Your No
Sometimes, the hardest part of saying no is worrying about how the other person will react. While you want to acknowledge their feelings, remember that you don’t need to bend your boundaries to protect them from disappointment. Saying something like, “I understand this might be tough to hear, but I can’t commit to this right now” shows empathy without sacrificing your own needs. It’s okay to recognize that your no might not be what they wanted to hear, but that doesn’t mean you need to change your answer.

Setting Boundaries with Confidence

Boundaries are your best friend. They’re not about pushing people away; they’re about protecting your energy. When you set clear boundaries, you’re telling the world, “Hey, this is what I can handle, and I’m sticking to it.” Boundaries are essential for your mental health and your relationships, and the more you practice them, the easier they become.

It’s okay to say, “I need some time for myself,” or “I can’t make it to that event.” You’re allowed to protect your peace, and trust me, the people who respect you will respect those boundaries too.

Here are a few more ways to frame your no:
“I’d love to help, but I’ve got too much on my plate right now.” This keeps things honest and clear without over-explaining.

“I appreciate the invite, but I need a quiet night in to recharge.” Saying no to social events is totally valid, especially when you’re prioritizing self-care.

“I can’t take on anything else this week, but let me know how it goes!” It’s a great way to show support without stretching yourself thin.

“I’m flattered you asked, but I have to say no this time.” A polite decline that shows you appreciate being included, but you’re still standing by your limits.

“I have too many commitments right now to give this my full attention.” This emphasizes that your no is about protecting the quality of your time and energy, not about rejecting the person.

The bottom line: You don’t need to justify or apologize for protecting your boundaries. The right people will understand that saying no is a form of self-respect, not rejection.

Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt or Apology

Now, here’s the real kicker: the guilt. I know it’s there—the little voice telling you that saying no is selfish or rude. But guess what? That voice is wrong. Taking care of yourself and setting limits isn’t selfish; it’s survival. The more you say no to things that don’t align with your needs, the more you’re saying yes to the things that truly matter—your health, your sanity, and your happiness.

Let’s say goodbye to guilt once and for all. The more you practice saying no, the easier it becomes. And here’s a secret: you’ll actually feel better knowing you’re taking care of yourself first.

When “No” Feels Complicated: Dealing with Pushback

Let’s face it—sometimes, saying no doesn’t end with a simple, “Okay, I understand.” In reality, people might push back or try to change your mind, and that’s when it gets a little more complicated. But here’s the thing: standing firm in your boundaries is crucial for your well-being. And often, pushback has more to do with the other person than with your no.

Why Do People Push Back?
They’re Not Used to Hearing No from You
If you’ve always been the one to say yes—whether it’s taking on extra tasks, lending a hand, or just always being available—people get accustomed to it. So, the first time you set a boundary, it can catch them off guard. They may not know how to react because they’re used to you bending over backward. But guess what? That’s their issue, not yours. Their surprise doesn’t mean your no isn’t valid.

They’re Prioritizing Their Own Needs Over Yours
Some people push back because they’re thinking about how your no affects them—their plans, their workload, or their convenience. It’s natural for people to react this way, but it’s important to remember that you’re not responsible for their expectations. Your needs are just as important. If they guilt-trip you or push harder, stay firm. Acknowledge their feelings but stand by your decision. For example, “I understand this is important to you, but I’m still unable to commit.”

They Don’t Realize They’re Crossing a Boundary
Sometimes, people aren’t even aware that they’re overstepping. They might be so used to leaning on you that they don’t see your yes as something that might drain you. When you set a boundary, it may feel like a sudden shift to them. If this happens, you can offer a gentle reminder: “I know I usually help with this, but I need to take a step back for my own well-being.” Over time, they’ll get the message.

They’re Trying to Test Your Limits
Let’s be real: some people don’t like hearing no because it challenges the dynamic they’ve come to expect. These individuals might push back to see if you’ll crack. They may guilt-trip you with phrases like, “But I really need you,” or “You always do this for me.” It’s critical to hold your ground in these moments. You can say something like, “I hear you, but I’m still not able to help right now.” It’s calm, clear, and keeps you in control.

Preparing Yourself for Pushback
Knowing that pushback is a possibility is half the battle. Here are some ways to prepare yourself and deal with it effectively:

Stay Calm and Collected
When people push back, it’s easy to feel flustered or even guilty. But here’s the secret: keep your response short and steady. Repeat your original no without wavering. For example, “I understand where you’re coming from, but I still can’t commit to that right now.” You don’t need to get defensive or apologize. Just stay calm and firm.

Don’t Over-Explain
There’s a temptation to start justifying your no, but resist the urge to go down that path. Over-explaining opens the door for more pushback because it gives the other person something to argue against. The more you explain, the more they may try to poke holes in your reasoning. A simple, clear no is more powerful: “I can’t take that on right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me.”

Hold Your Ground with Empathy
It’s possible to say no while still acknowledging the other person’s feelings. This doesn’t mean you’re backing down—it means you’re showing empathy while maintaining your boundaries. Something like, “I get that this might be hard to hear, but I’ve made my decision and it’s what’s best for me right now” lets them know you care, but you’re still standing firm.

Prepare for Reactions
People react in all kinds of ways when faced with a no. Some might try to guilt-trip you, others might act hurt, and a few might get defensive. The key is not to take their reactions personally. Their feelings aren’t your responsibility, and it’s okay if they need time to adjust to the new dynamic. Keep reminding yourself: you are allowed to say no. You don’t owe anyone an immediate yes.

Know That It Gets Easier

The more you practice saying no, the easier it gets—and the less pushback you’ll face over time. People who push back are often testing whether you really mean it. If you hold your ground consistently, they’ll learn to respect your boundaries. Eventually, the pushback will diminish, and people will come to understand that when you say no, you mean it.

Conclusion: It’s Time to Take Your Power Back

It’s time to stop feeling bad about saying no. You deserve to prioritize yourself and protect your energy. Saying no doesn’t mean you’re letting anyone down—it means you’re showing up in a healthier, more balanced way.

Ready to master the art of saying no without feeling guilty? I’m here to help. Together, we’ll work on setting boundaries, protecting your peace, and finding that sweet spot where you can be a total rockstar at life without burning yourself out.

Schedule your free consultation today, and let’s start creating the balance you deserve!

-Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

This will be a five week journey through the path called grief. During the sessions we will explore the grieving process, grief myths, holiday grief, and more.

By Bridgette Morris, Christian Therapist and Creator of the SNAP! Method - #1 tool to deal with narcissitc people with a faith-based mindset

If you’ve found yourself entangled with a narcissistic parent, partner, or colleague, you know how disorienting and painful it can be. It’s easy to feel conflicted, stuck, and utterly unsure of what steps to take next. The internal struggle is real, and it’s deeply rooted in something called cognitive dissonance—a term that might sound clinical but describes a very human experience of mental and emotional conflict. In these moments, faith isn’t just a comfort; it’s a critical compass guiding you through the storm.

Understanding Cognitive Dissonance in Narcissistic Relationships
Cognitive dissonance occurs when your mind struggles to reconcile two conflicting beliefs or values. Imagine loving someone deeply, but constantly being hurt by their manipulative behavior. You know something is wrong, but you cling to the hope that things will change, or that their actions aren’t as harmful as they seem. This is cognitive dissonance at play—your brain is trying to make sense of two opposing realities: the love and the harm.

For many, this dissonance creates a paralyzing state of confusion and self-doubt. You start questioning your own perceptions, wondering if you’re overreacting or misunderstanding the situation. It’s a mental tug-of-war that leaves you feeling drained and trapped.

The Role of Faith in Navigating Narcissistic Manipulation
As Christians, our faith is the bedrock that holds us steady when everything else feels shaky. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, it’s easy to lose sight of that foundation. The narcissist’s manipulations can be so subtle, so insidious, that they make you doubt your own beliefs and values.

This is where faith becomes more than a comfort—it becomes your anchor. By leaning into your faith, you can begin to see through the narcissist’s tactics. You’re reminded of your worth in God’s eyes, a worth that no amount of manipulation can diminish. Faith helps you discern the truth from the lies, giving you the strength to stand firm in your values.

The SNAP! Method: Leaning into Faith to Impact Change
Dealing with a narcissist isn’t just about survival; it’s about reclaiming your power and living a life of peace and purpose. That’s why I developed the SNAP! Method—a structured, faith-based approach that allows you to lean into your faith during moments of manipulation, empowering you to create real, lasting change.

Here’s how the SNAP! Method works:

Stop: The first step is to pause. When you’re caught in the whirlwind of a narcissist’s manipulations, the best thing you can do is take a step back. This isn’t about giving up; it’s about giving yourself the space to think clearly.

Notice: Pay attention to what’s really happening. Notice the patterns of manipulation, the subtle ways the narcissist tries to control or belittle you. This step is crucial because it allows you to separate your emotions from the narcissist’s tactics.

Ask: Here’s where faith comes in. Ask yourself how your faith informs this situation. What would Christ advise you to do? What does scripture say about your worth and how you should be treated? By grounding yourself in your faith, you can make decisions that align with your values rather than the narcissist’s agenda.

Pivot: Finally, take action. But not just any action—action that’s rooted in your faith and values. This might mean setting boundaries, seeking professional help, or even walking away. Whatever it is, it’s a pivot toward a life of peace, away from the chaos the narcissist thrives on.

The SNAP! Method isn’t just a tool; it’s a lifeline. It’s a way to take control of your life, not by fighting fire with fire, but by leaning into the strength and wisdom that comes from your faith.

Moving Forward with Confidence and Faith
Narcissism is a tough opponent, but it’s not invincible. With the right tools and a strong foundation in faith, you can navigate even the most challenging relationships. Cognitive dissonance and emotional manipulation don’t have to control your life. By understanding these dynamics and using the SNAP! Method, you can reclaim your power and start living the life God intended for you—a life filled with peace, purpose, and unwavering faith.

I’m Bridgette Morris, with over 20 years of experience in helping individuals break free from the grip of narcissism. I’ve authored a book on the subject and founded the Healing Life Institute, where my team of five dedicated professionals all approach narcissism from a faith-based lens. Together, we’re committed to guiding you through true healing and lasting transformation.

Let’s start this journey together.

My Theological Construct of Marriage

I submit that one’s personal theology, core values, beliefs and ultimate understanding of biblical doctrine all buttress one’s framework of marriage. Several questions arise regarding one’s value system, one’s belief system, socialization, cultural exposure which serve to shape the lens by which couples view the world. As such, to avoid repetitive issues, problems and conflict in marriage, there must be some level of unity with respect to the philosophy and/or biblical theology of the marriage couple (Genesis 2:24; I Corinthians 11:11; Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). Elwell (2001) clearly outlines the similar relationship between theology and philosophy, “Since theology and philosophy both engage in critical analysis of the meaning of terms, follow a strict process of observation and reasoning to reach conclusions, and traditionally sought to formulate a consistent worldview, philosophy and theology are overlapping disciplines (Elwell p. 1163). In this regard, the Bible explicitly states, “Hear this word that the Lord hath spoken against you, O children of Israel, against the whole family which I brought up from the land of Egypt, saying, You only have I known of all the families of the earth: therefore I will punish you for all your iniquities. Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:1-3, King James Version). To better explicate the relational functioning of marriage from a theological perspective let us first examine marriage in the context of creation.

The Creation of Humanity

Seeking to understand the relationship of humanity to God, from a perspective of image and likeness, is an extremely complex issue. As such, any serious attempt to understand what it means to be made in the image of God is centered on the premise of the doctrines of humanity and creation. Several biblical passages speak of the image of God. The best-known is probably Geneses 1:26-27. Verse 26 is God’s statement of intention; it includes the terms (tselem) and (demuth), translated respectively, “image” and “likeness” (Erickson, 1998, p. 519). While the content of the divine image remains a matter of debate, its significance as a marker for human distinctiveness within creation is a matter of broad theological consensus. The problem is that such an assessment of the “imago dei” seems altogether out of keeping with its place in the Bible (McFarland, 2005, p. 1). To establish a sound theology of marriage, one must seek to establish a relationship between humanity and the “likeness” and “image “of God. In terms of creation, what distinguishes man from any other creature? Man is not only a creature, but he is also a person. And to be a person means to have a kind of independence- not absolute but relative. According to Baker (1991), “The idea of the image of God means that humanity has a unique relation to God. There is something about God that is also true of human beings but not true of animals” (p. 36). Implicitly, God created humanity with free will. In the marital context, there is a strong relational functioning that enables the ability to understand and establish covenant, set goals, establish families, make life-changing decisions.

The Fall of Man

So early was the decision -making ability granted to humanity that it led to “the Fall” of man. At the corpus of the decisions made by Adam and Eve were yielding to temptation and disobedience. According to Elwell (2001), “That humanity by creation uniquely bears the image of God is a fundamental biblical doctrine- as is also that this image is sullied by sin and that it is restored by divine salvation” (p. 591). The discourse of deception created by Satan gives a clear preview of his guile.

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And he said to the woman, “Has God indeed said, ‘You shall not eat of every tree of the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden; but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, ‘You shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die.’ ” Then the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was[a]pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate. (Genesis 3:1-6, New King James Version)

Adam and Eve’s disobedience resulted in the fall of humankind, led to man’s spiritual separation from God and broke covenant with God. According to Hoekema (1986), the statement “God created man in his own image” intends to do more than just describe man’s spiritual and moral integrity, but rather humankind was “created was to mirror God and to represent God” (p. 66). Elwell (2001) further establishes a theological framework in support of my earlier statement on the related doctrines. He notes: “Hebrew-Christian theology frames the doctrine of the imago in the setting of divine creation and redemption” (p. 591). As such, the reader should begin to observe a common threat not only of humanity link to God’s image and likeness, but also to the theological constructs of creation, the fall and now redemption.

The Redemption Plan of God

The Son of God, who as the divine Word is the expression of the will and power of God, is not only the agent of creation by whom all things were brought into being and providential sustainer of the universe as a historical continuum (Col. 1:15-17; Heb. 1:2), but also the redeemer in and through whom all God’s purposes of creation are established and brought to fulfillment. In 2 Corinthians 4:3-6, the Apostle Paul links Christ as the “imago dei” with the glory-Christology evident throughout the New Testament.

But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus’ sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. (2 Corinthians 4:3-6, New King James Version)

I posit that the fulness of God’s redemptive process cannot be fully comprehended in the absence a revelation of God’s atonement. According to Hughes (1989) “The whole purpose of the incarnation was our redemption. The person of Christ receives its full meaning from the work of Christ” (p. 342). The Bible vividly makes the work of the Cross a very passionate experience. “And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross” (Philippians 4:6, New King James Version). In the marriage context, God’s agape love becomes the model to which married couples should aspire (Ephesians 5:21-25). According to Parrott and Parrott (2006), “Consummate love results from the full combination of love’s three components: passion, intimacy, and commitment. Consummate love is the goal toward which every marriage strives” (p. 43). In summary, relational functioning in a marriage may perhaps best be sustained through consummate and unconditional love, oneness and unity in both the natural and spiritual, an intentionally willingness to fidelity, commitment, sacrifice, forgiveness and submission to the divine will of God. Hamilton and Cunningham (2000) affirm the conciliatory view of marriage. He notes that “Jesus came to set in motion the healing God had promised when Adam and Eve shared the great tragedy of the Garden. He came to end the painful consequences of a broken and sinful world, including the rift between men and women” (p. 111).

References

Baker, W. H. (1991). The Image of God. Chicago: Moody Press.

Elwell, A. W. (2001). Evangelical dictionary of theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Erickson, M. J. (1998). Christian theology. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Hamilton, D. & Cunningham, J. R. L. (2000). Why not women? A fresh look at scripture on women in missions, ministry, and leadership. Washington, Seattle: YWAM Publishing.

Hoekema, A. A. (1986). Created in God’s image. Grand Rapids: Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

Hughes, P. E. (1989). The true image. Grand Rapids: W. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company.

McFarland, I. A. (2005). The divine image. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress Press.

Parrott, L. & Parrott, L. (2006). Saving your marriage before it starts. Grand Rapids: Zondervan

Most people experience less leisure and more daily stress as they juggle work and career, family, and friends. In spite of life’s demands, there are some simple, effective steps that can be taken to ease up on daily pressures. Here are 16 ways to reduce stress during the workday. Choose those that work best for you and practice them often. Why? Because your health (physical, mental, spiritual) is much more important to your joy than material things. Here’s to your heath!

1. Begin the day with a brief prayer and meditation: Rather than jumping out of bed and rushing to start your day, take a few minutes – from five to 20 – to pray, meditate, read a short inspiring passage, think peaceful thoughts, appreciate God’s gift of a new, fresh day. Beginning this way gives you a sense of peace that will manifest itself all day.
2. Apply the wisdom of Paul to your daily living: “Whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable…think about such things” (Philippians 4:8 NIV). Those words are a reminder to think positively. During the day when you face a crisis, think challenge. When you face an obstacle, think opportunity. Approaching any stressful event positively will boost your energy.
3. Remember, you get to make mistakes: “Many people start sinking into despair or scolding themselves unmercifully after making a mistake,” observes Charlotte Davis Kasl, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Finding Joy. “The important thing to remember is that everyone makes mistakes…so ease up on yourself.”
4. Create peaceful images in your mind: Several times during your workday, pause briefly to create a peaceful image in your mind. For example, picture yourself gently canoeing on a calm, still lake with the sun shining brilliantly. Or imagine yourself sitting quietly on a hillside where you are completely surrounded by beautiful wildflowers.
5. Practice hospitality: Maintain an open-door policy in your heart for everyone you will encounter during the day. Greet everyone with a smile. This will make others feel good about being with you.
6. Observe your breathing: When we are relaxed our breathing is slow and even. However, when we are anxious or upset we tend to breathe irregularly. Pay attention to your breathing. As soon as you notice yourself becoming stressed say to yourself, “Stop.” As you breathe out, smile. As you do this let your shoulders drop and relax your hands. Repeat this technique several times.
7. Take a brisk walk: Experts note that exercise is effective in burning off the excess adrenaline that fuels feelings of anxiety and stress. Exercise also releases endorphins—the body’s natural chemicals that block anxiety and pain. So take a brisk walk over lunch hour. During office hours, even a brisk walk down the hallway or up a flight of stairs can help.
8. Change your lunch environment: Get out of the office and enjoy your noon meal in a park. Use this time to be with nature. At least once or twice a week, eat by yourself in silence. Eat slowly. Be thankful for your meal. Enjoy yourself.
9. Walk in someone else’s shoes: Try to see a conflict or difference of opinion from another person’s point of view. In most cases, you’ll find your anger slipping away.
10. Beware about what you drink: The caffeinated drinks you drink throughout the day can be a mental-health nightmare. Too much caffeine can cause shaky hands, restlessness, and irritability—all of which increase stressful feelings. Try eliminating it from your routine. If you can’t do it all at once, then cut down or do it gradually.
11. Concentrate on the task at hand, not the outcome: This is another way of learning to be less than perfect. If you find yourself fretting about a project, speak gently to yourself, saying: “Here I go again worrying about the future. I’ll just give this my best now.” Then do that. Remember to leave the future in God’s hands.
12. Just say “No”: Yes, it’s okay to say NO! You don’t have to accept every project, every invitation to become involved, every opportunity to attend a meeting. Accept what you need to do and what you want to do, but say “No, thank you” to other requests for your time. People will manage if you say no.
13. Make a peace pact with yourself: As soon as you begin to feel angry, hostile, cynical, skeptical, irritable, or impatient, repeat a word that can offset the negative energy. Some examples include peace, love, hope, faith, joy, patience, etc.
14. Relive a happy memory: Tap into the power of your memories. In a time of stress, look back and remember a pleasant experience of satisfying moment.
15. Let there be music: The right music can take you from a highly tense state to a relaxed state in a very short time. The right music is generally instrumental rather than vocal. Many people find the sounds of nature combined with musical harmonies to be very relaxing.
16. Don’t bring work problems home: This one is going to be difficult for many, especially in this electronic age. But, do your best. Leave your cares behind at the office. You will feel better, and you will return to work refreshed, energetic, and more creative. A few tips: At the end of the workday sit quietly and consciously make the transition from work to home. When you pull into the driveway, park on the street, or about to leave your home office space, take a minute to orient yourself to being with your family members or to entering your home. Try changing out of your work clothes when you get home. This simple act might help you to make a smoother transition into your next “role.’”
17. Share your stressors with a good friend. Bringing your real self to good connections with its problems and needs can do much to relieve the monkey on your back. Bonding and safe attachment with others who can listen and really hear you can do much to help with peace in your heart,

I created an online course and companion handbook to help Christian Couples LEARN how to be married. Often, Christian couples haven't had an example of a successful marriage. This training will help couples LEARN the basics of a Christian marriage. They can learn in the comfort of their home watching videos together and doing the homework assignments from the companion workbook that is downloadable with the course.

Dr. Trudy has over 18,000 hours experience in the counseling room. Realizing couples need this help because of the costs of marriage counseling and marriage intensive programs, she created this alternative option for couples to receive help for their marriages.

Couples can D-I-Y in the comfort of their homes with the guidance of Dr. Trudy. Dr. Trudy's heart is to help Christian couples start over and be trained about having a Christian marriage.

Hey mama! Feeling like you're stuck on a never-ending hamster wheel of diapers, snacks, and trying to remember the last time you had a full conversation with another adult? Trust me, you’re not alone. Motherhood is one wild ride, and it’s easy to feel lost in the chaos. So, let’s take a breath and dive into something that might just change your day—self-worth affirmations.

Hi there! I’m Kelly, a mom of four and someone who's been through the trenches of motherhood just like you. With a master's degree in counseling and board certification as a behavior analyst, I've spent over 15 years helping moms find their footing and rediscover their joy. I know firsthand how tough it can be to juggle all the demands without losing your identity. But here's the thing: you deserve to feel amazing about yourself, and I'm here to guide you back to that happy place!

The Struggle with Self-Worth

Let’s get real for a second—how often do you put yourself at the bottom of your to-do list? It’s so easy to do when everyone else seems to need you 24/7. Society makes us think we should be perfect at everything: super mom, perfect partner, career woman. It’s exhausting! And somewhere along the way, we forget that we are worthy of love and respect, even if we didn’t tick every box on that never-ending list today.

Why Self-Worth Affirmations Matter

Affirmations are like little love notes you give yourself. They’re reminders of who you are and all that you’re capable of. I remember working with a mom who was barely holding it together. She started using affirmations and slowly, like finding that first cup of coffee in the morning, she began to see herself in a new light. It’s all about changing the script in your head from "I can’t do this" to "I’ve got this."

Top 10 Self-Worth Affirmations for Overwhelmed Moms

1. I am the heart of my family, and I deserve love and care.
You’re the glue that holds everything together, mama. Take a moment to remind yourself of your vital role.

2. I am more than enough, even on the days I feel less than perfect.
Those crumbs on the floor can wait. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough.

3. My needs are important, and I’m allowed to meet them.
It’s not selfish to take time for yourself. It’s essential.

4.I choose to see the beauty in my daily chaos.
Sure, there’s mess, but there’s also magic in the madness.

5. I trust my instincts and the decisions I make for my family.
You know what’s best for your kids, so trust that gut feeling!

6. I am proud of the mom I am today and the one I am becoming.
Every challenge makes you stronger and more incredible.

7. I deserve moments of peace and quiet.
It’s okay to crave silence and solitude now and then. You’ve earned it.

8. I embrace my journey, including the highs and the lows.
Life isn’t perfect, and neither is motherhood. That’s okay.

9. I am grateful for my resilience and ability to adapt.
You’re stronger than you know and capable of handling anything thrown your way.

10. I am worthy of joy and laughter, even in tough times.
Don’t forget to smile and find joy in little things, even when things get rough.

Creating Your Own Affirmations

Want to make these affirmations truly yours? Here’s how you can create personal ones that hit home:

Reflect on Your Challenges:
What’s bugging you most right now? Turn it around with a positive spin.

Use the Present Tense:
Speak as if it’s already happening. "I am" is powerful!

Keep It Simple:
Short and sweet works best. You’ll remember them easier.

Practical Tips for Using Affirmations

Incorporating affirmations into your day can be as simple as sipping your coffee. Here’s how:

Morning Mantra: Say them while you brush your teeth or make your morning brew.

Sticky Notes Everywhere: Post them on your fridge, bathroom mirror, or even in your car.

Phone Alerts: Set reminders throughout the day with affirmations to keep you going.

Overcoming Common Challenges

If you find yourself rolling your eyes at affirmations, hang in there! Here’s what you can do:

Give It Time: Change doesn’t happen overnight. Stick with it.

Believe in Your Words: Say them with conviction, even if you don’t feel it yet.

Consistency Is Key: Make affirmations a part of your daily routine, like breakfast.

Conclusion

Remember, mama, you are more than just a checklist of chores and tasks. Your worth isn’t tied to how perfectly you manage your household or whether you can bake Pinterest-worthy cupcakes. It’s about the love, strength, and resilience you bring to your family every single day.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and stuck, coaching can be a game-changer. Imagine having someone in your corner who gets it—someone who’s been there and can help you navigate this crazy ride called motherhood. My coaching services are designed to help you reconnect with yourself, build your self-worth, and find joy in the everyday moments. Together, we'll work on practical strategies and personalized affirmations that will empower you to shine bright.

You deserve to feel confident and happy, and I’m here to support you on this journey. Let’s chat about how we can make that happen!

FAQs About Affirmations for Self-Worth

What are self-worth affirmations?
Self-worth affirmations are positive statements that help you remember your value and encourage a positive mindset.

How often should I use affirmations?
Try using them daily, in the morning, and any time you need a confidence boost.

Can affirmations really boost self-esteem?
Absolutely! By reinforcing positive beliefs, affirmations can help shift your mindset over time.

What if I don’t believe in my affirmations?
That’s okay! Start with what feels true to you and gradually work up to more aspirational affirmations.

How can I encourage my mom friends to use affirmations?
Share your journey with them, invite them to try it with you, and celebrate the small wins together.

With Love and a Whole Lot of Imperfection,

Kelly, MA, BCBA, Mom Life Coach

My personal assessment of the Institution of Marriage

My assessment of the institution of marriage is buttressed on the foundation of my Christian faith. As such, my assessment of the institution of marriage is integrated, multidimensional, multilayered and interwoven with my marital philosophy and core values. These nuances are further ingrained within my belief systems and theology. The foregoing elements ultimately shape my biblical worldview of marriage. A biblical worldview is essential for followers of Jesus Christ to effectively live out their Christian faith (Dockery, 2007; Sire, 2009). My biblical worldview of marriage was framed from the construct that marriage is a covenant relationship established with God as opposed to the commonly held secular worldview that marriage is simply a contractual relational agreement entered into by two persons. According to Hill (2015), secularism is “a state of affairs and a state of mind in which the realities of life are considered to be without spiritual significance” (p. 311).

Theologically, the doctrines of Creation and the Trinity (Genesis 1:26- 30), the Fall of Humanity (Genesis 3:5-7), the Redemption of Humankind through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ (Hebrews 9:15; Titus 2: 14; Revelation 1:5-6), the establishment of a New Heaven and Earth (Isaiah 65:17; Isaiah 66:22; Revelation 21:1) are foundational to my personal assessment of the institution of marriage. In addition, my biblical worldview supports the biblical view that the family was indeed the first institution created by God when He took one of Adam’s ribs and made Eve is wife (Genesis 2:21-23). I believe that a husband first responsibility is to his wife, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24, King James Version) and a wife’s first responsibility is to her husband: “but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:20b). My biblical worldview of marriage is not contingent of macroenvironmental factors such as: (a) secular legislative adaptations, (b) widely held secular view that cohabitation is a viable alternative to marriage for economic reasons or (c) cultural compromises that require Christians to “blend in” with contemporary culture.

What threats or risks do marriages face today that may undermine the stability of the relationship or increase stress for a couple?

Contemporary marriages face a plethora of stressors and risks that daily threaten the stability of marital relationships. I posit that threats or risks associated with marriages can be either (a) internal to the marital relationship and as such are contingent on how individual parties function within the marriage or (b) external to the marriage when, in many instances, the factors are not created by the couple. As it relates to individualistic marital influences, I posit that the character and virtues held by both husband and wife are pivotal to marital health and positive outcomes.

According to Goddard, Olson, Galovan, Schramm, and Marshall (2016), “Marital virtues and character strengths suggest that personal characteristics such as generosity, gratitude, positivity, forgiveness, and other-centeredness are related to positive relationship outcomes” (p. 425). When husbands and wives display such virtues, it is believed that the “self” becomes decentered and paves the way to more effectively overcome inherent attribution biases, achieved compromise in better understanding each other’s points of view to arrive at common ground (Goodard et al., 2016). Goodard et al., (2016)’s study, which focused on examining 1,513 respondents in three states and their effects of humility, positivity and compassion, revealed that “spousal reports of humility and compassion were positively associated with self-reported marital satisfaction among both husbands and wives” (p.433).

In other words, one can reasonably conclude that some level of emphasis should be given to character development and formation during premarital and remarital counseling.
In another study conducted by Ledermann, Bodenmann, Rudaz, and Bradbury (2010), 345 couples were examined using the Action Partner Interdependence and Common Fate Model. The authors hypothesized that “relationship stress mediates the association between external stress and marital functioning at the individual level, and that the association between relationship stress and marital quality is partially mediated by communication at the dyadic level” (p. 195). A key finding of the study was that both husbands and wives’ marital communication in conflict and wives’ marital quality “seem to be affected to the same degree by one’s own relationship stress and the partner’s relationship stress”(p.203). Based on this key finding, one could make a strong argument that counselors and marital therapist should devote some critical attention to: (a) psychoeducation during premarital and remarital counseling and (b) developing strategic therapeutic intervention approaches to help married couples cope with individual stress as well as external stressors. The findings of this study also may a good argument to support the view that interpersonal communication skill development could potentially be a pivotal factor aimed at improving marital satisfaction outcomes.

Within the culture?

Between 1980 and 2008 statistical data indicate that multicultural marriages are significantly on the rise. Given this reality, traditional approaches to premarital and remarital counseling may not be the most optimum therapeutic approach to achieve optimal couple satisfaction (Qian & Lichter, 2011). Arguably, one of the greatest influences on contemporary life shaping worldviews is the postmodern culture in which we live. Bond (2014), a social psychologist by profession, renders an in-depth description of a construct premise first elucidated by Cole (1996) referred to as “cultural-inclusive psychology” (p. 7). Bond (2014) provides the following comprehensive definition of this all-embracing cultural concept here:

I think of culture on both its senses – the repository of humankind’s fascinating output of cuisine, music, art, architecture, literature, philosophy and science on the life that teems around us, but also in the more esoteric sense of the residue from this legacy in the life-as-lived by each of us – our beliefs, our values, our worldviews, our talents, our vocations ad our relationships, their style and content, that structure of living from the cradle to the grave. (p. 27).

In other words, several of today’s marriages are exposed to the fault lines created by today’s postmodern culture. As such, if they are not built on a solid foundation, they become extremely susceptible to suffering from the devastating effects caused from marital earthquakes. The influences of postmodern culture of today’s society including the church are staggering. Rosenbaum and Weathersbee (2013), in a study conducted among 151 newly married couples at nine Texas Southern Baptist churches, reported that, “More than 70% of the respondents reported having had premarital vaginal or oral sex, but more than 80% regretted premarital sex” (p. 263). I would argue that similar statistics may also be unveiled if other denominations were investigated, thus illustrating the intensive impact that postmodernism is having on the Church in general, and more specifically, on the institution of marriage.

Through legislative or other initiatives?

Perhaps the most important legislative impact that has impacted both marriages and the Church is same-sex marriages. Again, postmodernism has played, and continues to play, a significant role in the significant rise in public support for what is termed marriage equality. This nomenclature which was birthed in the Western hemisphere and has since expanded at the global level. According to Kirby, Mckenzie-green, Mcara-couper, & Nayar (2017) a growing sub-section of the Church has been advocating support for same-sex marriages. Kirby et al., (2017) point out another pivotal initiative emanating from the therapeutic field:

Originally listed as a “sociopathic personality disturbance,” homosexuality was “upgraded” to a mere “sexual deviation” in 1968, and finally in 1973 delisted altogether from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-II) of the American Psychiatric Association; a decision followed by the American Psychoanalytic Association in 1975. (p.907).Given the pivotal therapeutic postures adopted by some segments of the Church coupled with those elucidated by leading and respected mental health authorities in the United States, it is not difficult to comprehend why the battle against same-sex marriages remains as fierce as it is.

From economic pressures?

The are several factors that impinge economic pressures associated with couples considering marriage. Arguably one of the most common factors that arise for couples contemplating marriage is that of cohabitation. As it relates to cohabitation the question therefore arises, should Christians decisions be influenced by the culture in which we live to justify cohabitation, or should the Word of God take precedence? Should consideration be given where extenuating circumstances arise? According to Hohmann-Marriott (2006), “Cohabiting couples and couples who cohabit prior to marriage have less stable relationships than married couples who did not cohabit, and these differences may be linked to processes within the relationships” (p. 1015). In addition, nontraditional beliefs held by cohabiting partners appear to make the less committed and more susceptible to divorce should they eventually decide to get married (Hohmann-Marriott, 2006).

I happen to know of a situation with a godly couple who were engaged when the husband moved from Canada to Florida to take up a youth pastor’s position at his mentor’s church. He did not have the financial resources at the time to buy a home for his family. Based on the Senior pastor’s knowledge of his youth pastor’s character he allowed his youth pastor and his fiancée to live with them for a short time before they got married and the shortly after purchased their own home. In my view, these were extenuating circumstances and a judgement call was made based of knowing both individuals’ characters. I posit that while this is not a situation that would normally be encouraged, it had economic implications and required much payer before making a decision based on the character of the individuals involved. Of course, the couple were not allowed to sleep together while making the life transition. Was there sin involved because of temporarily living under his mentor roof? In my view, steps were taken to avoid obvious temptation and sin. Based on the character of the Senior Pastor, whom I personally know to be a very godly man, I feel he made a decision based on the character of someone he has known for several years and knew that trusted him to not violate God’s standard of holiness.

What resources and/or support systems are available to couples today? And what role, if any, should the Church play?

In my view, the Church has a pivotal role to play as a major support system to couples considering both first time marriages as well as remarriage. I posit that pastoral counselors, Christian counselors, professional counselors and licensed marriage and family therapists also should be used as resource mechanisms to assist in bringing stability, transformation and restoration to marriages. I hasten to add that this issue is not a simplistic as it may appear on the surface. Roskit, Griffith and Cruz (2007) posit that religious conservative communities may be the only identifiable group still advocating coherent beliefs regarding the same-sex marriage agenda. In other words, the evidence strongly supports a continued rising tide that favors the same-sex marriage agenda. In my view, there is also a major role that can be played by the nuclear family as a support system. Specifically, behavior modification, as a therapeutic intervention, I posit could be synergistic. According to Besharat (2003) behavioral therapists focus more directly on behavioral alterations primarily in couples that are moderately distressed. Arguably one of today’s most used therapeutic intervention modalities is Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). Systems therapists, on the other hand, would perceive the marital dyad as a system or sub-system of the larger family system. As such, the systems approach lends a sense of homeostatic underpinning (Besharat, 2003). Lastly, in my view, the church leaders need to conceptualize initiatives that promote unity on this life-changing issue by becoming much more vociferous on every conceivable front. I contend that such advocacy is urgently needed to oppose the ungodly initiatives unleashed in our postmodern culture and to defend traditional marriage as created and instituted by God.

References

Besharat, M. A. (2003). What are the main difference between behavioral and systems therapy with couples? A critical account. Journal of Contemporary Psychology, 33(2), 109-127. Retrieved from htpps://doi.org/0022-11603/0600-0109/0

Bond, M. H. (2014). How I am constructing culture-inclusive theories of social-psychological process in our age of globalization. Journal for the Theory of Social Behavior, 45(1), 26-36. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/jtsb.12053

Cole, M. (1996). Cultural psychology: A once and future discipline. Harvard University Press.

Dockery, D. S. (2007). Renewing minds: Serving church and society through Christian higher education. Nashville, TN: B & H Academic

Goddard, H. W., Olson, J. R., Galovan, A. M., Schramm, D. G. & Marshall, J. P. (2016). Qualities of character that predict marital well-being. Family Relations, 65(3), 424-438. Retrieved from https://doi:10.1111/fare.12195

Hill, J. L. (2015). Secularization: A New Testament Perspective. Evangelical Review of Theology, 39(4), 311-323. Retrieved from Ebsco.

Hohmann-Marriott, B. E. (2006). Shared beliefs and union stability of married and cohabiting couples. Journal of Marriage and Family, 68(4), 1015-1028. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2006.00310.x

Kirby, A., Mckenzie-green, B., Mcara-couper, J., & Nayar, S. (2017). Same-sex marriage: A dilemma for parish clergy. Sexuality & Culture, 21(3), 901-918. Retrieved from https://doi:10.1007/s12119-017-9414-1

Ledermann, T., Bodenmann, G., Rudaz, M., & Bradbury, T. N. (2010). Stress, communication, and marital quality in couples. Family Relations, 59(2), 195-206. Retrieved from htpps://doi:10.1111/j.1741-3729.2010.00595.x

Lorber, M. F. (2004). Psychophysiology of Aggression, Psychopathy, and Conduct Problems: A Meta-Analysis. Psychological Bulletin, 130(4):531-52. Retrieved from https://doi: 10.1037/0033-2909.130.4.531

Qian, Z., & Lichter, D. T. (2011). Changing patterns in interracial marriage in a multicultural society. Journal of Family and Marriage, 73(5), 1065-1084. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2011.00866.x

Rosenbaum, J. E. & Weathersbee, B. (2013). True love waits: Do Southern Baptist? Premarital sexual behavior among newly married Southern Baptist school students. Journal of Religion and Health; New York, 52(1), 263-275. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1007/s10943-010-9445-5

Roskit, C., Griffith, L., & Cruz, Z. (2007). Homophobia and conservative religion: Towards a more nuanced understanding. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 77(1), 10-19. Retrieved from https://doi.10/1037/0002-9432.77.1.10.

Sire, J. W. (2009). The universe next door: A Basic worldview catalog (4th ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.

Imagine this: You’re trying to finish an important work email, your toddler is tugging at your leg demanding a snack, the laundry is piling up, and you just realized you forgot to defrost tonight’s dinner. Sound familiar? If you’re nodding your head, you might be experiencing what many of us know as mom burnout.

Hi there! I’m Kelly, a mom of four amazing (and let’s be honest, sometimes exhausting) kids, with a master’s degree in counseling and over 15 years of experience working with wonderful moms like you. I’ve been in the trenches, juggling school drop-offs, work deadlines, and everything in between. That’s why I’m passionate about helping other moms recognize and overcome the symptoms of burnout.

In this blog post, we’re going to dive into the 10 clear signs of mom burnout and practical ways to tackle them. Because let’s face it – you deserve to feel happy, healthy, and fulfilled. So, grab a cup of coffee (or tea), find a cozy spot, and let’s get started!

Understanding Mom Burnout: What It Is and Why It Matters

Mom burnout is more than just feeling tired—it's a state of physical, emotional, and mental exhaustion caused by the relentless demands of motherhood. Whether you're a stay-at-home mom, working mom, or somewhere in between, the pressures of juggling family responsibilities, work, and personal needs can take a significant toll. Understanding what mom burnout is and recognizing its symptoms are crucial steps toward reclaiming your well-being.

When left unaddressed, burnout can impact not only your health but also your relationships and overall quality of life. By identifying the signs early and implementing strategies to manage stress, you can break free from the burnout cycle and find a healthier, more balanced approach to motherhood.

Top Indicators of Mom Burnout: Recognize These 10 Key Signs

1. Constant Fatigue
Feeling exhausted all the time, even after a full night's sleep? This isn’t just about being tired—it's a sign your body is overworked and your mind is overwhelmed. When you’re constantly on the go with little time to rest, fatigue can creep in and become a constant companion.

Quick Tip: Try setting a consistent bedtime, sneak in short naps when possible, and don’t hesitate to ask for help to lighten your load. (P.S. please do not feel guilt for taking naps…it took me YEARS to ‘allow’ myself to do this and that is such a waste of self-love).

2. Irritability and Mood Swings
Finding yourself snapping at your kids or partner over minor things? Mood swings and irritability are common signs of burnout. The stress and lack of downtime can make you feel like you’re on edge, leading to emotional outbursts.

Quick Tip: Practice mindfulness or deep-breathing exercises to help manage your emotions. Even a few minutes a day can make a significant difference.

3. Feeling Overwhelmed
Does your to-do list feel never-ending? Feeling overwhelmed is a major indicator of burnout. When every task seems monumental and you’re struggling to keep up, it’s a clear sign that you’re stretched too thin.

Quick Tip: Ever heard of brain dumping? It has been a LIFE SAVER for me. Break tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Prioritize what truly needs to be done and don't be afraid to delegate or let go of less critical tasks.

4. Lack of Interest in Activities
Remember those hobbies and activities you used to love? If they no longer bring you joy or you can’t find the motivation to engage in them, this could be a sign of burnout. Losing interest in things that once made you happy is your mind's way of signaling that it’s overwhelmed.

Quick Tip: Schedule time for yourself, even if it’s just 10 minutes a day. Rediscover old hobbies or explore new ones that make you feel good.

5. Physical Symptoms
Burnout doesn’t just affect your mind—it takes a toll on your body too. Common physical symptoms include headaches, muscle tension, and frequent illnesses. Your body is trying to tell you that it needs a break.

Quick Tip: Incorporate regular exercise into your routine, maintain a balanced diet, and ensure you’re staying hydrated. Simple self-care practices can significantly improve how you feel physically.

6. Difficulty Concentrating
Struggling to focus on tasks or forgetting important details more often than usual? Difficulty concentrating is a hallmark sign of burnout. When your brain is overloaded with stress, it becomes harder to focus and retain information.

Quick Tip: Take regular breaks to give your mind a rest, practice brain exercises like puzzles or reading, and reduce multitasking to improve focus.

7. Feeling Numb or Detatched
Do you feel emotionally numb or disconnected from your loved ones? Burnout can cause you to shut down emotionally as a coping mechanism, making it hard to connect with your feelings and those around you.

Quick Tip: Engage in activities that foster emotional connection, such as meaningful conversations with loved ones, practicing gratitude journaling, or seeking professional help if needed.

8. Increased Cynicism or Resentment
Have you noticed a growing sense of cynicism or resentment towards your parenting role or family responsibilities? Feeling negative or bitter about your daily tasks is a strong indicator of burnout.

Quick Tip: Focus on the positive aspects of your life (this will take a lot of practice and consistency), set realistic expectations for yourself, and consider joining a supportive community or mom group to share experiences and find encouragement.

9. Decreased Performance
Are you finding it harder to complete tasks or feeling less productive than usual? Burnout can significantly impact your efficiency and performance, making it difficult to keep up with daily responsibilities.

Quick Tip: Set achievable goals, establish a consistent routine, and celebrate small victories to boost your sense of accomplishment and motivation.

10. Isolation
Do you find yourself withdrawing from social interactions and feeling isolated? Burnout often leads to social withdrawal as you try to conserve energy and cope with overwhelming stress.

Quick Tip: Make an effort to reach out to friends, join mom groups or online communities, and schedule regular social activities to stay connected and supported.

Navigating Burnout in Moms: What’s Next??

Did you check off most, if not all, of the signs of burnout? Take a deep breath, Mama. Feeling overwhelmed is more common than you think. You’re in good company—we’ve all been there. Now, let’s talk solutions!

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Feelings
You’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed. Many moms experience burnout, and it’s okay to admit it. Take a deep breath and recognize that your feelings are valid.

2. Prioritize Self-Care
Remember the oxygen mask analogy on airplanes? You need to take care of yourself first before helping others. Prioritize self-care—whether it’s a quiet cup of tea, a walk, or a few minutes of meditation. You deserve it.

3. Seek Support
Reach out to fellow moms, friends, or family members. Share your feelings and ask for help. Sometimes, just talking to someone who understands can make a world of difference.

4. Embrace Imperfection
You don’t have to be a supermom. It’s okay if the laundry piles up or if you order takeout for dinner. Embrace imperfection—it’s part of being human.

5. Consider Professional Guidance
As a mom life coach, I’m here for you. Let’s work together to create a personalized plan. Whether it’s setting boundaries, rediscovering your passions, or finding joy in small moments, coaching can make a difference.

Conclusion: Mom Burnout Solutions and Reclaiming JOY

Mama, if you’ve nodded along to most of these signs, you’re not alone. Burnout isn’t a badge of honor—it’s a wake-up call. So, what’s the key takeaway?

Acknowledge It: Constant fatigue, irritability, and feeling overwhelmed? Recognize these signs as your body’s SOS.

Self-Care Matters: Prioritize yourself guilt-free. Set bedtime routines, sneak in naps, and ask for help. Remember, self-love isn’t selfish.

Brain Dump Your Tasks: That never-ending to-do list? Break it down. Prioritize. Delegate. Let go of non-essentials.

Rediscover Joy: Hobbies collecting dust? Revisit them. Even 10 minutes a day can reignite your spark.

Listen to Your Body: Headaches, muscle tension, and frequent illnesses? Your body’s pleading for a break.

Focus, Mama: Difficulty concentrating? Take breaks, solve puzzles, and declutter your mind.

Connect Emotionally: Feeling numb? Engage in meaningful conversations. Journal. Seek professional help.

Flip the Script: Cynicism and resentment? Shift focus. Find the silver linings. Join a supportive community.

Prioritize Well-Being: Decreased performance? It’s okay. Prioritize well-being over perfection.

Remember, you’re not just a mom—you’re a whole universe of strength and love. Reach out, seek support, and consider professional guidance. You’ve got this….and I am here with you!!

With Love and a Whole Lot of Imperfection,
Kelly

If you have ever experienced any of the following, you have had a career crisis:
• Losing your job
• Being fired
• Burning out
• Not wanting to do your job for one more day
• Redefined job or seismic shift in career. (Staff quits/Kids go away to college)

A career crisis can be caused either by someone else (being laid off) or by your own feelings (burning out).

Common Causes of Career Crises
There are many reasons why people experience career crises. Here are a few:
• Corporate downsizing
• Burnout
• Relocating for your spouse’s career
• Being fired
• Making the wrong career move
• Corporate politics
• Not fitting in
• Lost calling

Why a Career Crisis Is So Devastating
A career crisis is almost always devastating because it can impact your life in so many ways. Here are a few examples:
1. Money: Losing your income with no warning can be financially devastating.
2. Status: If your job gives you status or a professional identity, you may feel devastated without it.
3. Surprise: If the job loss happens without warning, you will probably feel shocked.
4. Self-esteem: You may feel embarrassed by what has happened.
5. Feeling alone: You are likely to lose friends and companions when you no longer work in the same place.
6. Feeling out of synch: Your regular routine may be disrupted.
7. Confusion: If the crisis happens because of burnout or for reasons inside yourself, you may feel confused about what to do next.
8. Effect on others: If people around you depend on your income and need you to be predictable, they may react negatively to your crisis.

9. Loss of Identity: Many times a career will help define who you are as a person especially if you see it as a calling. “ 12 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. 13 That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.” – Ecclesiastes 3:12 – 13. The loss can create a lack of interest, satisfaction and enjoyment in life.

Career Crisis: Who It Hurts the Most
A career crisis hurts you because it is devastating to your ego. The hurt tends to be greater when one gets a sense of identity and self-esteem from his or her job title, status, and income.
A crisis hurts your family because they must experience the emotional fallout that follows a crisis. Your family may also experience a feeling of lost self-esteem and status, especially if you were fired or laid off.

The Flashback Effect
A major loss like this sometimes can cause you to reach back into the past and reactivate unfinished business from a major loss, or a crisis from an earlier time.
For example, when Sharon was terminated after seven months at her dream job, she became very depressed. While depression is a normal reaction to such a loss, Sharon was reacting to losing her job and the similar feelings she had when she flunked out of a top university 12 years earlier. When she finally saw a therapist after a few weeks of depression following the job loss, she saw that she had never fully resolved her feelings about failing in college.

Here are some other points about recovery:
1. The process of recovering from a career crisis will happen on its own schedule. It can’t be rushed.
2. Every person responds to a career crisis differently. There is no right way to respond or to deal with it.
3. Depending on the circumstances, processing a career crisis can take years.
4. Build and use a support system. People need other people when they are experiencing such a crisis. A group of people who have experienced similar losses is especially helpful.
5. It is a good idea to find support outside of your family and friends. Even the most supportive may grow tired of hearing about your situation, or you may find yourself censoring your behavior to avoid alienating them. However, you still need help and a place to let your feelings out.
How to Help Someone in a Career Crisis
Here are a few ideas for being helpful to people going through career crises:

1. People need support when they are having a career crisis, even though they may seem to push you away.
2. Ask how you can help.
3. Don’t give advice unless asked. Listen, listen, and listen some more!
4. Check in regularly with the crisis victim; let him or her know you’re there.
5. Remind the crisis victim of what a good person he or she is, even without the identity and status that the job provided.
6. Sometimes a career crisis sends a person into a serious depression for which help is needed. If you sense danger, urge the crisis victim to seek help.

How to Turn a Crisis into a Victory

Here are some suggestions for turning a career crisis into a victory:

1. Give yourself time to heal. If recovery is rushed or interrupted, the crisis victim will not fully heal and a victory is not possible.
2. Remind yourself as often as necessary that your pain will end and you will eventually feel happy again.
3. Avoid jumping into something new on the rebound; let yourself experience all the stages of grief.
4. Accept that many people will not understand the depth of your grief. They will not understand why this is so difficult for you, and they will say stupid things.
5. Use the opportunity to stop and consider other options.
6. Explore what meaning your feelings have for you. If we pay attention to them, our feelings can lead us places we would otherwise never visit.
7. Keep a journal of your experiences. Make it your intention to see what there is to be learned from this experience.
8. A loss such as a career crisis can be viewed as both a door-closer and a door-opener. Start thinking about what you are learning and gaining from this experience.
9. Create a ceremony of letting go. Yours will be as unique as your experience.
10. Despite some people's misunderstanding do find people that are safe to share with where you can talk about your feelings and beliefs.

The Career Crisis Recovery Exercise
Write out your answers to the following questions. This self-help exercise can help you process your feelings about what has happened to you.
1. Describe what happened when your career crisis happened.
2. Describe the job or career. Where did you work? What was it like? Who did you work with? What do you miss the most? What do you not miss at all?
3. Describe your feelings about the loss of the job or career to others.
4. What has the impact of this crisis been on your life? What else have you lost because of your career crisis?
5. What barriers stop you from moving on?
6. What are 10 things you can do starting today to continue the recovery process?

Please pass this newsletter along to a friend.

Suggested Reading

Cloud, Henry, Necessary Endings: The Employees, Businesses, and Relationships That All of Us Have to Give Up in Order to Move Forward Harper Business, 2011

William Bridges, Job Shift: How To Prosper In A Workplace Without Jobs. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley, 1994.

Barry Glassner, Career Crash: The New Crisis—and Who Survives. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994.

Ayala Pines and Elliot Aronson, Career Burnout: Causes and Cures. New York: The Free Press, 1988.

Las relaciones románticas son uno de los aspectos más cautivadores de la experiencia humana, mezclando alegría, inspiración y desafíos. Basado en casi dos décadas de experiencia como terapeuta, este libro ofrece profundos conocimientos y una guía práctica para ayudar a las personas a mejorar sus relaciones consigo mismas y con los demás. Se enfoca en superar las luchas con el amor propio, a menudo enraizadas en traumas o sentimientos de indignidad, y proporciona herramientas para construir conexiones más fuertes y satisfactorias.

En La increíble influencia de los pensamientos y emociones positivas: Un manual para cultivar vínculos románticos más fuertes, descubrirás cómo cultivar la confianza, la positividad y la intimidad en tus relaciones románticas.

Este libro ofrece herramientas y estrategias prácticas para situaciones de la vida real, ayudándote a crear conexiones duraderas con tu pareja. Ya sea que estés soltero, comenzando un nuevo romance, navegando una relación a largo plazo, o reavivando una conexión existente, la sabiduría dentro de estas páginas te guiará. Este libro explora el impacto duradero del optimismo, la inteligencia emocional y la autocompasión, recordándonos que podemos moldear nuestras historias de amor a través de nuestros pensamientos y emociones. Aprenderás a fortalecer las bases de tus relaciones, trayendo vitalidad y alegría a tu viaje de amor. Se enfatiza el autodescubrimiento como un componente vital para crear vínculos románticos más fuertes, fomentando una comprensión más profunda y el cultivo de nuestras conexiones más profundas.

Aborda este viaje con un corazón abierto y una mente curiosa, y permite que estos conocimientos te empoderen para crear historias de amor florecientes en medio de las complejidades de la vida. Abraza el impacto profundo de los pensamientos y emociones positivas en la construcción de relaciones románticas sólidas y satisfactorias.

amazon.com/author/dr.remy.nelson 
https://youtu.be/PK5AgXUVFnA

Romantic relationships are among the most captivating aspects of the human experience, blending joy, inspiration, and challenges. Drawing on nearly two decades of experience as a therapist, Dr. Remy Nelson offers profound insights and practical guidance in this book to help individuals improve their relationships with themselves and others. It focuses on overcoming struggles with self-love, often rooted in trauma or feelings of unworthiness, and provides tools to build stronger, more fulfilling connections.
In The Incredible Influence of Positive Thoughts and Emotions: A Handbook for Cultivating Stronger Romantic Bonds, you will discover how to cultivate trust, positivity, and intimacy in your romantic relationships. This book offers practical tools and strategies for real-life situations, helping you create lasting connections with your partner. Whether you are single, beginning a new romance, navigating a long-term partnership, or rekindling an existing connection, the wisdom within these pages will guide you.
This book explores the lasting impact of optimism, emotional intelligence, and self-compassion, reminding us that we can shape our love stories through our thoughts and emotions. You will learn to strengthen the foundations of your relationships, bringing vitality and joy to your journey of love. Self-discovery is vital in creating stronger romantic bonds, fostering a deeper understanding, and nurturing our most profound connections.
Approach this journey with an open heart and a curious mind, and let these insights empower you to create thriving love stories amidst life's complexities. Embrace the profound impact of positive thoughts and emotions on building solid and fulfilling romantic relationships.

amazon.com/author/dr.remy.nelson

In the Christian faith, parents are often seen as stewards of their children, tasked with fostering a loving, nurturing, and supportive environment for their offspring to grow and flourish. But what happens when a parent’s actions are driven by narcissism? A narcissistic parent, characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance and a profound lack of empathy, can cast long shadows on the family unit and the spiritual well-being of their children.

Emotional Turmoil

Children of narcissistic parents may grapple with emotional turmoil. Due to their parents' need for admiration and a lack of respect for boundaries, these children often feel under constant scrutiny, overshadowed by their parent's imposing egos. Their mercurial temper can create a household atmosphere that lacks the stability and peace championed in Philippians 4:7. Children, striving for the elusive approval of a narcissistic parent, may end up feeling unworthy and question their value, a feeling contrary to the Christian teaching that every individual is uniquely created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

Impaired Sense of Self and Identity

In navigating the turbulent waters of growing up with a narcissistic parent, children might struggle to develop a healthy sense of self and identity. The parent’s manipulation can lead children to doubt their own experiences and perceptions, hampering their ability to trust themselves and others – a trait that can lead them astray from the authentic relationships to which Christ calls us (Ephesians 4:15).

Challenges in Forming Relationships

Intimacy and trust are at the core of any meaningful relationship, virtues constantly encouraged in the Bible (1 John 4:7). However, the offspring of narcissistic parents might find these to be foreign territories. A child raised in the shadow of narcissism might become either excessively pleasers, seeking validation in all the wrong places, or conversely, they might become withdrawn, fearing the vulnerability that comes with close relationships.

Spiritual Struggles

Spiritual life can also become a battleground for those with narcissistic parents. The parent’s self-centered behavior may distort the child's perspective of God as a loving and sacrificial Father, as portrayed in scriptures like 1 John 3:1. Moreover, the parent’s disregard for empathy and humility can be at odds with the fruits of the Spirit outlined in Galatians 5:22-23.

Consequences of Conditional Love

Narcissistic parents often express 'conditional love' – affection based on the child’s ability to meet the parent's expectations. This transactional nature of love is discordant with the principles of unconditional love woven throughout the Christian narrative (Romans 5:8). As a result, children might grow to view God’s love through the same skewed lens, imagining it must be earned rather than freely given.

Path to Healing and Recovery

While the effects of having a narcissistic parent are profound, the Christian community provides many avenues for healing and restoration. The church can serve as a sanctuary, a place of unconditional love and acceptance. Engaging with a spiritual family allows for the experience of genuine relationships, fostering recovery and growth. Scripture and prayer can offer immense comfort and guidance; for instance, Psalm 34:18 proclaims that the Lord is close to the brokenhearted.

Christian counseling can be a powerful tool for healing, providing a safe space to untangle the knots of one’s upbringing with a professional who understands the religious context of the individual's struggles. Support groups within the church community can also offer a collective shoulder to lean on – individuals who can empathize and share in the journey toward healing.

Conclusion

Growing up with a narcissistic parent can cast long shadows through a person's life, impeding their emotional, relational, and spiritual development. However, amidst these challenges, the Christian community stands as a beacon of hope, offering tools for healing and the assurance of God's unwavering love. Through faith, prayer, and the support of the church, individuals can overcome the shackles of their past and step into the light of a life defined not by their parent's narcissism, but by their own relationship with God.

In the Scriptures, boundaries are often mentioned directly or indirectly, reflecting God’s design for order, protection, and relationships. They are inherent in the tenets of our faith—seen in the love and respect we are called to show each other and in the discipline we are to exercise in our personal lives. Yet, in our desire to live like Christ—who was giving, compassionate, and loving—we might find ourselves overstepping or completely ignoring our boundaries. Recognizing when to enforce these boundaries is crucial for our spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being.

1. You Feel Constantly Drained

One clear sign that your boundaries need reinforcement is when you consistently feel exhausted. God calls us to serve others with joy, but He also emphasizes the importance of rest (Mark 6:31). If serving others or fulfilling roles in your community leaves you feeling drained of energy and peace, it might be time to reassess your commitments. Remember, even Jesus took time away from the crowds to pray and rest. It’s not selfish to take care of your well-being; it’s necessary to serve effectively.

2. Resentment is Building Up

Feeling resentful towards others can signal that your boundaries are not being respected. This often occurs when we say yes to tasks or roles out of obligation rather than genuine desire or calling. Colossians 3:23 encourages us to do everything heartily, as for the Lord and not for men. If resentment is overshadowing your ability to serve with love, it may be time to set or enforce boundaries.

3. Your Relationships Are Suffering

When boundaries are lacking, relationships can become strained or dysfunctional. This is evident when interactions are dominated by guilt, manipulation, or co-dependence, deviating from the Biblical model of relationships rooted in mutual respect and love (Ephesians 4:2-3). Healthy boundaries enable us to interact with kindness, respect, and genuine affection, reflecting God’s love more accurately to those around us.

4. You're Neglecting Your Relationship with God

Your relationship with God should be your utmost priority. If you find that your commitments are eating into the time and energy you have for prayer, meditation on the Word, and other spiritual disciplines, it’s a strong indicator that your boundaries need revisiting. Matthew 6:33 reminds us to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. Ensuring our spiritual well-being enables us to be better vessels for His work.

5. You Struggle to Hear God’s Voice

Similar to the previous point, an overfilled life can drown out the still, small voice of God. When we’re stretched too thin, our spiritual sensitivity can diminish, making it harder to discern God’s direction and leading. Setting boundaries gives us the space to quiet down, listen, and be led by the Spirit (Romans 8:14).

6. Your Physical Health is Affected

The Bible acknowledges our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). If the demands of serving others or fulfilling duties compromise your physical health, it indicates that boundaries are needed. God does not call us to sacrifice our health for ministry or service but to steward it wisely as part of our worship of Him.

Enforcing Healthy Boundaries: A Step Forward in Faith

Acknowledging the need for and setting boundaries may be challenging, especially if you’re accustomed to saying yes or prioritizing the needs of others above your well-being. However, enforcing boundaries is not just about saying no; it’s about making room for God’s best in your life and aligning yourself with His design and purpose for you.

Start with Prayer

Begin by seeking God’s wisdom and guidance through prayer. Ask Him to show you where boundaries are needed and the strength to implement them.

Seek Wise Counsel

Consulting with a pastor, a mentor, or a trusted friend can provide you with perspective and support as you navigate the process of establishing boundaries.

Communicate Clearly and Lovingly

When setting boundaries, communicate them, directly, and with love. Remember, setting boundaries is not about pushing others away but inviting them into a healthier and more God-honoring interaction.

Be Prepared for Resistance

Change can be hard, and not everyone will understand or respect your need for boundaries immediately. Stand firm, and remember that obedience to God’s leading is your priority.

Conclusion

Enforcing boundaries is an act of obedience and wisdom. It protects what God has entrusted to you—your time, your health, your relationships, and most importantly, your relationship with Him. By recognizing the signs that boundaries are needed and taking steps to implement them, you open up space for peace, fruitfulness, and a deeper walk with Christ. Remember, boundaries are not just barriers but the framework within which a healthy, vibrant, and God-honoring life can flourish.

In our quest for personal growth and well-being, one of the most significant battles can be with the very thoughts that fill our minds. Negative thought patterns can be incredibly destructive, perpetuating cycles of anxiety, depression, and limiting self-beliefs. However, breaking free from these patterns is within reach if you have the right strategies. Let’s explore practical ways to interrupt negative thoughts and foster a more positive, resilient mindset.

1. Awareness and Identification

The first step in changing any behavior, including thinking, is to become aware of it. Often, negative thoughts are automatic and habitual, making it challenging to recognize them as they occur. Start by actively monitoring your thoughts throughout the day. When you catch yourself spiraling into negativity, pause and note the thought. Labeling thoughts as "negative" or writing them down can distance you emotionally and help you analyze them objectively.

2. Challenge and Replace

Once you've identified a negative thought, challenge its validity. Ask yourself questions like, "Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?" and "What evidence do I have to support or refute this thought?" This process is known as cognitive restructuring and is a core aspect of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). After challenging the negative thought, replace it with a more realistic and positive one. For instance, change "I’ll never be good at this" to "I can improve with practice and learning."

3. Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness meditation is a powerful tool in dealing with negative thoughts. It teaches you to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment and lets them pass without getting entangled in them. Regular practice can help you gain control over your thought processes and keep you rooted in the present moment, reducing the incidence of ruminative thoughts about the past or worries about the future.

4. Setting the Tone with Affirmations

Positive affirmations can reinforce self-belief and counteract the harm caused by negative thoughts. These are positive, empowering statements that, when repeated regularly, can help to change the narrative you have about yourself and your abilities. For example, an affirmation like "I am capable and strong, and I tackle challenges with courage," can be a powerful antidote to negative self-talk.

5. Gratitude Journaling

One way to shift focus from negative to positive is by maintaining a gratitude journal. Daily jotting down things you are grateful for can significantly boost your mood and perspective. This practice encourages you to notice and appreciate the smaller joys and victories, often overshadowed by pervasive negative thoughts.

6. Physical Activity

Exercise is not only good for the body but also for the mind. Physical activity releases endorphins, chemicals in your brain that act as natural painkillers and mood elevators. Regular exercise can help reduce anxiety and improve self-image, making it easier to combat negative thoughts.

7. Connect with Others

Isolation can deepen negative thought patterns, while sharing your feelings with others can provide a new perspective. Whether it’s talking with friends, family, or a professional therapist, being connected helps you feel supported and less alone in your struggles. Sometimes, merely verbalizing your thoughts can help diminish their power.

8. Practice Self-Compassion

Finally, be gentle with yourself. Everyone experiences negative thoughts at one time or another. Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness, concern, and support you’d offer a good friend. When you miss the mark, remind yourself that perfection is not the goal—growth is.

Conclusion

Transforming negative thought patterns into positive ones requires consistent practice and patience. By becoming more mindful of your thought patterns, actively challenging them, staying physically and socially active, and practicing gratitude and affirmations, you can cultivate a healthier, more optimistic mindset. Remember, the goal is progress, not perfection. With each small step, you're paving the way to a more empowered and positive self.

So what is it that makes a person powerful? Affluence? Intelligence? Chiseled physique? We sure would love to possess any or all of the above! However, on the granular level it all boils down to the power of choice. We can choose a path paved in education, seeking out arenas to be influential over others or pounding it out at the gym. We possess free will to pursue our goals and dreams.

Once an individual realizes that the power to choose is in their midst, it could change their life for good as they begin see things in this new light. They recognize the ownership aspect of all they do and say now with the ball in their court. There is nothing mystic about this concept nor is it unattainable for even the most seemingly powerless individual. It is just a skill set.  Equate this with the idea that if I actually go to the gym and actually work out, I will get stronger. Keep in mind that repetition and mindfulness are key ingredients in the mix.

A powerful person says, “I choose to be responsible for myself and  I will be responsible in relationship with others, requiring others to respect me as I respect them. I foster self control through this connection. You will never be disappointed with my choices because I have already set the standard with love, respect and responsibility. You can count on my yes being yes and my no being no. There is no fear, second guessing or surprises  in relating with me. I realize that not everyone is going to like me (particularly powerless people) and that’s ok.”

Here are the traits seen in a powerful person:

Always at peace

Driven by truth

Take full responsibility for the choices they make

Find happiness based on who they are, what they desire and what they are committed to

Deliberately set standards for how they will be treated 

Deliberately set standards for how they treat others

They are who they say they are

They do what they say they will do

Love is never dependent on being loved in return

They love no matter what

Here are the traits in a powerless person:

Never content

Driven by anxiety

Need others to make them happy 

Since it seems not safe to be themselves they need to latch on to others to cope and survive

It’s their mission to control using all sorts of tactics that are toxic to themselves and others: nagging, withdrawal, ridicule, anger, crying, undue pressure attempting to get their way.

Can you recognize the traits of a powerful person yourself or your loved one? Powerless? If you do just know that meeting with a clinical counselor or for marriage counseling can help you overcome powerlessness and begin to live a more satisfying life in all your relationships. The benefits of learning to be powerful, as you can see, are great. You can go from being powerless to powerful, controlling to self-control, fear to love, and distance to connection. It’s your call…

Dr. Anita J. Arrunategui/ Images: Canva Pro/ Danny Silk “Keep Your Love On

 The content published is for informational purposes. The content included in this blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.

Sleep is a gift from God, meant to rejuvenate our bodies and minds for the tasks He sets before us. However, many Christians struggle with sleep issues that can impact their daily life and spiritual wellness. By integrating faith-focused activities into our daytime routines, we can create an environment that is conducive to peaceful nights of rest. Here are some habits that can improve your sleep quality.

Seek God

Just as natural sunlight is essential for regulating our sleep-wake cycles, the light of Christ is crucial for our spiritual well-being. Begin your day with exposure to God's Word, allowing it to fill and guide you. Spend time in prayer each morning, asking for peace and rest, and thanking Him for the new day. A heart attuned to gratitude can ease anxiety and promote better sleep.

Engage in Physical Worship

Scripture encourages physical expression of our worship, and engaging in activities such as walking while praying can not only honor God but also improve our sleep. Exercise is proven to help tire the body and reduce stress, and when combined with worship, it can be a powerful tool in preparing us for rest. Be mindful of the time of day, as vigorous activity too close to bedtime may become a hindrance.

Nourish the Body as a Temple

Our bodies are described as temples of the Holy Spirit, and what we put into them can affect every aspect of our health, including our sleep. Strive to consume foods that honor your body—fruits, vegetables, and whole grains can help improve sleep quality. Be cautious with caffeine and heavy meals, particularly later in the day, to avoid disrupting your sleep pattern.

Cultivate a Spirit of Stillness

In the book of Psalms, we are reminded to "be still and know" that He is God. Taking time throughout the day to still our minds and hearts can foster a sense of peace that extends into the night. Develop a practice of daily quiet time, away from the hustle and bustle, to meditate on God's promises and rejuvenate your spirit.

Gain Strength through Fellowship

Hebrews encourages us to not forsake assembling. Engaging in Christian fellowship, whether through church functions, Bible study groups, or prayer meetings, can uplift the spirit and dispel the loneliness that often hinders good sleep. Shared testimonies of God's faithfulness can also strengthen our faith and ease our nightly rest.

Embody Consistency and Ritual

A consistent and intentional approach to our day reflects the orderliness of God's creation. As such, maintaining a regular wake-sleep schedule aligns with the rhythm He established for us. Incorporate rituals that prepare your heart for the end of the day, such as evening prayers or reading through a devotional, to signal to your mind and body that it is time to rest.

Confront Stress through Trust in God

Numerous Scripture verses remind us to cast our cares upon the Lord. Instead of allowing stress to consume your day and disrupt your sleep, actively place your worries in God's hands through prayer and supplication. Moreover, seek wisdom through the counsel of pastors, church elders, or fellow believers to alleviate the burdens weighing on your sleep.

Reflect and Give Thanks

As you navigate finding the best routine for a restful night's sleep, take time to reflect on the day's activities and their impact on your rest. Maintain a journal to track your sleep, noting how different experiences affected you. Offer up thanks for the progress you make and seek guidance on areas of improvement.

Incorporating these Christ-centered activities into your daily life not only enhances sleep quality but also draws you closer to God. Sleep becomes more than just a biological necessity; it turns into an extension of your daily worship and trust in the Lord. These habits are not just about physical rest—they are about nurturing your relationship with God and finding peace in His presence, knowing that "He gives to His beloved sleep" (Psalm 127:2).

Let your daytime routine be a reflection of your faith, and you'll find that your nights are filled with the restful sleep that God intends for all of us. Remember, in God’s sovereign care, each night is an opportunity to lay down not just your head, but your worries and fears, trusting in Him to renew you for the day to come.

We get it—setting boundaries sounds great in theory, but when it comes to actually implementing them, it's a whole different ball game.

Whether it's saying no to another work project or setting limits with family, here are ten reasons why we all seem to resist using boundaries.

By understanding these reasons, we can start to tackle them and lead healthier, more sustainable lives.


1. We Don’t Want to Disappoint Others
We’ve all been there. We say yes to something just to avoid the disappointed look on someone’s face. But let’s be real—constantly saying yes to avoid disappointing others can lead us straight to burnout city.
Example: Jamie* has a demanding job and a busy family life. When his boss asks him to take on another project, Jamie wants to say no but worries about letting his team down. He ends up saying yes, even though he’s already stretched thin.

2. Fear of Conflict
Nobody likes confrontation. The idea of a potentially awkward or hostile conversation is enough to make us break out in a sweat. But without boundaries, those little annoyances can snowball into major conflicts down the road.

Example: jasmine* finds it hard to tell her neighbor to stop dropping by unannounced. She dreads the potential awkwardness of the conversation, so she continues to tolerate the interruptions, even though it disrupts her family’s evening routine.

3. Guilt Trips Galore
Guilt can be a powerful motivator. We feel guilty for putting our needs first or for thinking our needs matter at all. But guess what? They do matter. We need to remember that taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.

Example: Lisa* feels guilty for wanting a weekend to herself. Her friends invite her out for a weekend getaway, but she really needs some alone time to recharge. She goes anyway, driven by guilt, and returns even more exhausted.

4. We Like Being Needed
Admit it—we enjoy being the go-to person. It makes us feel important and valued. But constantly being on call for everyone else’s needs can leave us with no time or energy for our own.

Example: Tom* loves helping his friends move, fix their cars, and tackle DIY projects. He enjoys being the reliable friend, but he realizes he has no time left for his hobbies or relaxation.

5. We’re Afraid of Being Seen as Difficult
There’s a fear that if we set boundaries, we’ll be labeled as difficult or uncooperative. However, consistently ignoring our own limits can lead to even bigger problems, like burnout or resentment.
Example: Emily* hesitates to tell her colleagues that she can’t stay late to help with a project. She doesn’t want to be seen as uncooperative, so she sacrifices her evening plans repeatedly.

6. We Confuse Boundaries with Barriers
Sometimes we think setting a boundary means building a wall. But boundaries aren’t about shutting people out; they’re about defining where we end and others begin. It’s about creating space for both ourselves and our relationships to thrive.

Example: Alex* worries that telling his family he needs alone time will hurt their feelings. He fears they’ll think he’s distancing himself, even though he just needs a little personal space to recharge.

7. Lack of Practice
Let’s face it—most of us didn’t grow up with a manual on how to set healthy boundaries. It’s a skill we have to learn and practice, and it can feel awkward or uncomfortable at first. But with time and practice, it gets easier.

Example: Karen* never learned how to say no politely. She’s used to overcommitting and struggles to set boundaries with her time. She starts practicing by declining small requests, like helping a colleague with non-urgent tasks.

8. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
Saying no can sometimes feel like we’re missing out on something fun or important. But constantly saying yes to everything can spread us too thin and leave us feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

Example: Dave* always agrees to social outings with his friends, even when he’s exhausted from work. He fears missing out on fun experiences, but the lack of rest starts affecting his performance at work.

9. We Underestimate Our Own Needs
We often put others' needs before our own, underestimating how important it is to prioritize our own well-being. But we can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking care of ourselves allows us to better support those around us.

Example: Rachel* is constantly attending to her children’s needs, her partner’s needs, and her work responsibilities. She rarely takes time for herself and starts feeling worn out and irritable.

10. We Think It’s All or Nothing
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean we have to go from being a pushover to a strict enforcer overnight. It’s about finding a balance and setting limits that feel right for us. Small, incremental changes can make a big difference.

Example: Mark* thinks that setting boundaries means he has to be rigid and unyielding. He starts by setting small, flexible boundaries, like dedicating one evening a week to his hobbies, and gradually builds from there.

Overcoming Boundary Resistance

Recognizing why we resist setting boundaries is the first step towards making meaningful changes. By addressing these reasons, we can start to implement boundaries that allow us to lead healthier, more balanced lives.

Everyone has struggles in life, and counseling is a powerful tool to realize health and wholeness in their life. It’s never too late to start, and a problem is never too small to not benefit from counseling.
Practical Tips to Start Implementing Boundaries

Start Small: Begin by setting small boundaries that feel manageable. This could be as simple as saying no to an extra work task or carving out 10 minutes of alone time each day.

Communicate Clearly: Be honest and direct about your needs. Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming or accusing others.
Be Consistent: Consistency is key. Stick to your boundaries even when it’s challenging. Over time, others will learn to respect your limits.
Seek Support: If setting boundaries feels overwhelming, consider seeking support from a counselor. A professional can provide guidance and help you navigate tricky situations.

Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Setting boundaries is a skill that takes time to develop.
Celebrate your progress and forgive yourself for any missteps.

By understanding and addressing these common reasons for resisting boundaries, we can create healthier, more sustainable lifestyles. It's time to prioritize our well-being and take the first step towards a more balanced life.

If you’re struggling to set boundaries or need support, Masters Counseling in Calgary is here to help. Our compassionate counselors can work with you to develop strategies for implementing healthy boundaries in your life. Contact us today to start your journey towards health and wholeness.

For some, the feeling of an overcrowded brain will be all too familiar. It usually happens when you’re trapped in a pattern of overthinking. Read more at https://encompasscounselingmichigan.com/overthinking-heres-how-to-get-out-of-your-head-and-into-your-body/

There continues to be considerable debate as to whether there are practical benefits to premarital/remarital counseling. The question further arises as to if premarital/remarital counseling is effective. According to Wright (1992), the institution of marriage is the closest bond that can develop between two people. That said, as many couples progress towards marriage perceptions and expectations as to what constitutes marriage varies considerably. In this regard, Wright (1992) contends that, “Unrealistic expectations and fantasies create a gulf between the partners and cause disappointments” (p. 11). Fawcett, Hawkins, Blanchard and Carroll (2010) contend that promoting healthy marriages and relationships now engages greater attention from principal stakeholders and requires considerable commitment and resources. A 2006 household survey conducted reported that “premarital education is significantly correlated to higher levels of marital quality, lower levels of marital conflict, and lower divorce rates” (Stanley, Amato, Johnson, & Markham, 2006, p. 232). The findings derived from this 2006 study lend support to the theory that premarital counseling may be effective (Proverbs 11:14; Proverbs 12:15; Proverbs 15:22; Proverbs 19:20-21).

There are numerous approaches employed in premarital counseling. One such interesting paradigm is solution-focused premarital counseling. According to Murray and Murray (2004), “Solution-focused therapy is a brief therapy approach that emphasizes clients’ strengths and attempts to produce desirable solutions to clients’ presenting problems” (p. 350). This specific approach takes on relevance because of the rapidity with which contemporary culture continues to undergo change. Solution-focused premarital counseling may also considered to be an effective option by some scholars as a result of: (a) its constructivist and postmodern paradigm, (b) its emphasis on clients’ perception of truth and (c) clients’ interpretations of their personal life experiences, interpersonal relationships coupled with their personal goals and aspirations ( Murray & Murray, 2004). At the corpus of the effectiveness of solution-focused premarital counseling is: (a) clients’ recognition that change is needed and (b) clients’ commitment to work with their therapist to implement mutually agreeable and sustainable change. “The solution-oriented theoretical framework provides a foundation for expanding the delivery of premarital counseling programs to engaged couples” (p. 356).

Is premarital counseling an effective tool for couples who are about to get married for the first time? Can it be equally effective for others reconsidering marriage after having experienced a failed marriage or failed marriages? In another meta-analytic study, consisting of 14 studies spanning four decades, Lucier-Greer and Adler-Baeder (2012) concluded that couple and relationship education “(CRE) programs that target participants in stepfamilies, both married and nonmarried, are modestly effective in influencing overall participant functioning as well as specific target outcomes, including family functioning and parenting, and appear worthy of support” (p. 765). In other words, there is some level of evidenced-based support to suggests that remarital counseling may also be well supported with the appropriate and meticulously conceptualized educational and/or enrichment programs.

The dynamic of stepfamilies introduced above connotes that some couples may be considered at higher risks for marital problems in the future than others. If this postulation is in fact true, the question arises as to what may be some of the other contributory factors that put some couples at higher marital risks. In an Australian study conducted by Halford, O’Donnell, Lizzio, and Wilson, (2006), 374 newly married couples were tested for the hypothesis that: “religious service attendance, income, age, education, female parental divorce, male parental aggression, cohabitation before marriage, forming a stepfamily, relationship aggression, or low relationship satisfaction predicts attendance at marriage education” (p. 161). Attendance to premarital education programs was reliably associated with attendance to religious services and not cohabiting before marriage, “but not reliably associated with the risk factors” (p. 161). There was also a “lack of reliable association of education attendance with relationship aggression and/or satisfaction or negative family-of origin experiences” (p. 162). In addition, this study reported that, “income, education, age, prior marriage, and forming a step-family were not reliably related to attendance” (p. 162). The study also revealed that many non-religious couples were not aware that premarital education was a resource available to them and that strategic marketing should be employed to heighten mainstream population awareness.

There are obvious complexities, attending variables and nuances associated with both premarital and remarital counseling. As such, I posit that there is a need for ongoing research to explore a plethora of relevant variables. Some of the evaluating factors that may affect couple and relationship study outcomes include: (a) the context of the study’s setting, (b) ethnicity, (c) economic status, (d) family functionality, and (e) parenting styles just to mention a few. Given the liberal marital approaches that continue to evolve in today’s postmodern culture, additional considerations should also be examined such as: (a) how many marriages has each individual been involved in prior to embarking on an educational program, (b) are the individuals cohabiting or are they living apart, (c) if married, at what stage of the marriage are the couple prepared to engage in a CRE program (Lucier-Greer & Adler-Baeder, 2012). In summary, there is empirical data which suggest that couple and relationship programs in various contexts have met with favorable outcomes, yet there remains a need for research that incorporates additional contextual diversity. Lucier-Greer and Adler-Baeder (2012) succinctly surmise this perspective noting that, “quality research designs framed with an ecocultural lens using control groups and long-term follow-up procedures are needed” (p. 766).

References

Fawcett, E. B., Hawkins, A. J., Blanchard, V. L., & Carroll, J. S. (2010). Do premarital education programs work? A meta-analytic study. Family Relations, 59(3), 232-239. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2010.00598.x
Halford, W. K., O’Donnell, C., Lizzio, A., & Wilson, K. L. (2006). Do couples at high risk of relationship problems attend premarriage education? Journal of Family Psychology, 20(1), 160-163. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1037/0893-3200.20.1.160
Lucier-Greer, M. & Adler-Baeder, F. (2012). Does couple and relationship education work for individuals in stepfamilies? A meta-analytic study. Family Relations, 61(5), 756-769. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1741-3279.2012.00728.x
Murray, C. E. & Murray, T. L. (2004). Solution-focused premarital counseling: Helping couples build a vision for their marriage. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 30(3), 349-358. Retrieved from Psy Articles
Stanley, S. M., Amato, P. R., Johnson, C. A. & Markham, H. J. (2006). Premarital education, marital quality, and marital stability: Findings from a large, random household survey. Journal of Family Psychology, 20, 117-126. Retrieved from https://doi.org/ 10.1037/0893-3200.20.1.117
Wright, H. N. (1992). The premarital counseling handbook. Chicago: Moody Publishers.

I have heard a variety of approaches to how to resolve issues for life’s problems based on whether they are mental health problems or if they are considered spiritual problems.

Note: I am going to assume that most readers have an understanding of what the Bible says regarding spiritual warfare. If you are unfamiliar a list of Bible passages can be found at the end of the post.

Some people say that mental health problems and spiritual problems are distinctly separate issues. Mental health problems require therapy and/or medication, while spiritual problems require prayer and spiritual discipline.

Others say that there is no such thing as mental health problems. They believe that mental health problems are problems that arise from unrepentant sin and have been mislabeled as mental health.

I don’t think that viewing issues as exclusively mental health or exclusively spiritual represent the entirety of what we see happening in the world. I think there is an overlap between spiritual warfare and mental health problems, and that it is difficult, if not impossible to make clear distinctions between the two. For example, if we were to define the source of the problem based on which “treatment” provided the best outcome; there are people who testify that they were freed from alcoholism through prayer alone, there are those who have overcome alcohol addiction using a mental health approach and there are those who recovered through prayer, spiritual and mental health support (a combination).

Since mental health and spiritual support are both able to assist people in healing, we should learn when it is best to use each approach, but when possible, an interdisciplinary approach can be very useful. First, mental health approaches are often very compatible with a Biblical approach to the same issue. For example, CBT techniques that involve replacing distorted thoughts with more reasonable thoughts are compatible with Bible verses that talk about renewing our mind with the truth of scripture. If we use scripture to help us challenge false beliefs then we are able to connect the spiritual with mental health.

Mental Health Approaches Through a Spiritual Lens

Any mental health approach that can be used in a way that is consistent with scripture should be used when it is appropriate to do so. Mental health approaches, specifically the ones that help us challenge and change sinful thoughts and behaviors can be useful no matter what the person is dealing with, these techniques are not exclusive to mental health problems.

For example, someone could use the three column technique from CBT to help them identify false beliefs and replace them with more Biblical ones. In this technique the person creates three columns. The first column is for situations, the second for feelings and the third for thoughts. This technique can be very useful for distinguishing between thoughts and feelings. This allows people to see how their thoughts impact their emotions and can create more meaningful change when false beliefs are identified and replaced.

Taking medication to help with a mental health problem can be a useful tool to assist your brain in forming more positive approaches to your problem. For someone who takes anti-anxiety medication, they can also use scripture to help renew their mind and reduce their anxiety. This combination can create better results since the focus on scripture reinforces the changes in the brain made by medication and the medication reinforces the relief provided through encouraging scripture.

A Multidisciplinary Approach

The seminary that I attend recommends that if someone is dealing with a spiritual affliction that they should see: (1) a Christian counselor to help them change sinful behaviors and thoughts, (2) a spiritual director to help them with their relationship with God, and (3) seek deliverance prayer.

Using these three approaches benefits the Christian by strengthening their faith and to guard against a return of spiritual attacks that is mentioned in Luke 11:14-28.

Could this be spiritual?

I have had conversations with Christians who are skeptical of spiritual warfare. Some say that they think Biblical passages reflect a poor understanding of mental health and they didn’t know how to explain it. I find this unsatisfying, because even if you assume that Jesus was only healing people, when the Bible speaks of demons causing people to scream when they leave, this seems to suggest something else. If this was a straight forward healing, why did it involve screaming?

I’ve also spoken to people who believe that spiritual warfare occurs only in places like Africa, but not in North America or places that are primarily Christian. I wonder if this is simply a statement made from a lack of experience. I and others I know have seen manifestations of demonic activity in Canada and the US. I have been witness to people being thrown to the ground, shaking and involuntary screaming that was relieved through prayer.

Any problem that has become repetitive and difficult to break could have a spiritual basis. Things such as anxiety and grief can be the result of a spiritual attack. I was once telling a friend a story of an unpleasant experience I had and he began to weep. I was shocked because he was in tears over something that I myself was not upset about. I prayed that he would be filled with a spirit of joy and he stopped crying and became calm. If you see some odd or out of place behavior it doesn’t hurt to stop and pray, “Lord, what shall I do? How should I pray?”

What to do if a problem could have a spiritual basis?

My recommendation is very simple. Pray the positive: healing, peace, joy, patience, freedom, life, etc. Whether or not a problem is specifically spiritual or not it can still be improved by prayer that focuses on the positive.

From people I have spoken to who lead spiritual deliverance ministries, there are two ways demonic spirits can be removed from a person; one is through specific prayer for them to be removed, the other is through being filled with God’s spirit so that the demonic spirit has no choice but to leave. Trying to cast out a spirit will only work if there is a demonic spirit and even the disciples had difficulty casting out some spirits. When we pray for the positive then God is able to act in ways we cannot see or understand.

Acts 19:13-16 describes the experience of men who came under spiritual attack when they were praying against demonic spirits. Spiritual warfare appears to be quite complex and certain approaches carry less risk than others.

Suicide: Demonic spirit or Mental Health problem?

From my observation, I think there is one exception to the idea that a mental health problem could be a spiritual or mental health problem. I think when it comes to suicidal thoughts, behaviors, and actions it is 100% mental health AND 100% spiritual. Any time I have been in the presence of a person who recently or subsequently made a suicide attempt I discerned the presence of a demonic spirit. If someone you know is suicidal they should seek mental health AND spiritual support as quickly as possible.

Scriptures that I would recommend for people experiencing suicidal thoughts are the ones about God’s love, forgiveness, mercy and blessing towards us. Other helpful topics are verses about purpose, healing, and transformation.

For additional support you can book a consult here. https://www.incrementalhealthtips.com/

Liz Millican is a Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario, Canada. She has a master of divinity in Clinical Counseling from Tyndale University, a private Christian University.

Scripture References

Exodus 20:4-6; 34:6-7 Generational punishment for sin and blessing for obedience.

Matthew 8:16-34 Jesus heals people of illnesses, casts our demons, calms the storm and casts demons into animals.

Matthew 9:27-34 Jesus heals the blind and mute.

Matthew 17:14-21 Casting out demons requires faith and some disciples were unable to do it.

Mark 1:21-34 Spirits manifest physically in people.

Contrast: Mark 1:40-45 Jesus heals a man of leprosy without mention of spirits, suggesting some sickness is not spiritually caused, but still able to be healed.

Mark 6:13 [NIV] They drove out many demons and anointed many sick people with oil and healed them. (Healing of sick seem somewhat separated from those with demons.)

Mark 16:9 Mary Magdalene had been freed from seven demons.

Luke 4:31-37 Man thrown on the ground by a spirit.

Luke 8:26-39 Many spirits can make someone strong and “out of their mind.”

Luke 9:37-43 Demon causes screaming, foaming and throws the person to the ground.

Luke 11:14-28 Pray and obey God to avoid demonic attacks from returning.

Acts 16:16-18 Paul waited several days before casting a spirit out of a fortune teller who was annoying them.

Acts 19:13-16 Stronger demonic spirits can attack someone who tries to cast them out.

Ephesian 6:10-18 Put on the armor of God and be prepared for spiritual warfare.

Trauma and NET, TFT, and EMDR: Is mind-body work helpful?

Trauma happens to everyone. It’s more than stress because the effects are lingering and tend to show up when you are stressed. You experienced something as being life-threatening, deeply distressing, or disturbing. Sometimes it is brought on by others' stories. Trauma effects could be as serious as PTSD or as mild as over-reacting to people or circumstances.

What is EMDR?

A structured therapy that encourages the patient to briefly focus on the trauma memory while simultaneously experiencing bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), which is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories. For more information look up EMDR on the American Psychological Association or Veteran's Administration website.

What is NET?

Neuro Emotional Technique uses the meridian system for healthcare, i.e. muscle testing (used by chiropractors) and acupuncture. For more information look up NET on the NIH National Library of Medicine website.

What is TFT?

The client is tapping with their fingers at meridian points on the upper body and hands. Thought Field Therapy, unlike the one-size-fits-all EFT, is specific to emotions. For more information look up Thought Field Therapy on the NIH National Library of Medicine website.

What kind of mind-body work helps?

When your therapist tells you of a technique to use at home such as tapping, practice it when you’re feeling anxiety triggered by a past trauma. These things help and the evidence is not all anecdotal. Evidence-based research has been done on EMDR. Do your research by looking at peer-reviewed journals or reliable sources.

Do more of what works for you. For some people it is acupuncture, for others it’s yoga. It could be breathing techniques, tapping, or body scans. There are meditation and relaxation exercises available on YouTube or phone apps such as Insight Timer.

Can mind-body work be used by Christians?

Whether you can benefit from this therapy depends on what you and your therapist believe about who God is and what a relationship with God is like.

Some people are using a Christian mind-body protocol called Splankna for trauma therapy. This therapy uses EFT, NET, and TFT tools. There have been more than 3000 people trained in Splankna in the US, Mexico, Canada, Australia, China, Uganda, and Germany in the last 25 years. Practitioners can be found in private practices, churches, or faith-based organizations.

Don’t rush into mind-body work if you’re feeling a check in your spirit. Just talk to God about it and clear it with Him. Doubts mean you may need more information.

Call 720-577-5985 for a free 15-minute consultation.

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Whether we are feeling anxious, depressed, a perfectionist, or not, we all have an inner critic residing within us. For some, our inner critic talks all the time and so loud that other thoughts can’t be heard or considered.

Here’s three strategies on how to silence your inner critic.

1) REMOVE THE WORD "SHOULD" YOUR INNTER CRITIC TELLS YOU
A common way our inner critic talks to us is by using the word “should”: “I should be able to handle this.” “I should be a better husband.” “I should have written a better email.” “I should be more outgoing.” “I should call my mother, spend more time with my kids, and know what my spouse needs from me (…without telling me)”

Sounds crazy, right? When we hear it from a different source we recognize it as absurd. It’s easier to be a source of encouragement for others to silence their inner critic. But we struggle to silence our own.

These “shoulds” try to convince us we have not met some arbitrary standard, telling us “You’ve missed the mark!” “You’ve failed!” “You’re not wanted here!” A really powerful inner critic goes beyond criticizing our behaviors to sending us the message: “You are not acceptable.” “You’re not good enough.” “You are a failure.” These messages criticize our being.

Take “should” out and replace it with “want to.”

“I want to be able to handle this.” “I want to be a better husband.” “I want to send professional emails and succeed.” “I want to be more outgoing.” “I want to be there for my family.”

Now stop for 10 seconds and allow yourself to feel the difference.

Did you notice it? It feels relieving, doesn’t it? Even hopeful in a way.

The “should“ statements have a finality to them with a judgment of “FAILED!” “REJECT!” The “want to” statements awake our own desires that is within us to motivate, give us hope, and help us make a plan.

Reminding ourselves of our “want to” allows us to see the good within! The “I should be a better husband” statement wouldn’t be so deadly if we didn’t desire that. It stings because I want to be a better husband.

It’s our inner desires that gives the “should” statements their deadly power.

After rewording a “should” statement to: “I want to write effective emails,” imagine how much easier it is to go to your boss and tell her you’d like to learn and grow. You are now freer to ask for her assistance rather than sit in her office feeling the weight of “I failed, I should have written my email like she would.”

2) REMOVE THE WORDS "SHOULD NOT" YOUR INNER CRITIC TELLS YOU
Geez… our inner critic isn’t very creative! It just uses the same word, but now in its opposite form.

When you hear in your head: “You shouldn’t be so sensitive.” “You shouldn’t have said that to your roommate.” “You should not feel angry.’ “You should not still be hurt by what happened so long ago,” our inner critic is condemning ourself as weak and not good-enough, not measuring up.

Take the “should not” out and replace it with “wish”.

Hear the difference with these statements: “I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.” “I wish I didn’t say that to my roommate.” “I wish I didn’t feel angry.” You get the picture.

Stop again and allow yourself to feel the difference of the “wish” vs “should not” statements.

Utilizing “wish” allows us to notice where we are without the judgment that “should not” gives, preventing us from noticing what’s going on within.

The revised “wish” statements provide space to hear (what we may think is) the ugly truth of ourself and move forward to problem solve.

Let’s explore the statement: “I wish I wasn’t so sensitive.”

With this new perspective I’m in a better position to consider other ways of seeing the situation. Perhaps being as sensitive as I am in the moment, isn’t the only way to feel about it. I’m able to acknowledge my feelings (I’m feeling sensitive.) and my uncertainty that it’s the only response to have (I’m not sure I have good reason to be as sensitive as I am.).

I can remind myself of the positives that are true, or check-in with others. I might take into consideration other ways to interpret the situation. I may want to wait to see how I feel about it tomorrow instead of choosing to act now.

3) ADD A REINFORCEMENT AGAINST THE "SHOULD NOT" BELIEFS
In our new “wish” statements we can add the phrase: “yet I am.”

The inner criticism can evolve from: “I shouldn’t be so angry!” to “I wish I wasn’t so angry, yet I am.”

This reinforces the ability to tell ourself: “This is what I’m feeling at this time. It may not be pretty. It’s not ideal, It’s not where I want to stay, but I am here. I might need some time to be able to feel differently later. ”

Now it easier to make amends in our relationships with others. We are acknowledging this isn’t my ideal self, it’s not how I prefer to have handle it, I want others to know that. We could tell our friend, “Right now I’m too mad to listen to you, I wish I could talk to you about it right now, but I’ll need some time.”

One of my first bosses shared with me what he often tells himself: “I will not should on myself today.” This was his reminder to fight against his inner critic that caused him to feel anxious somedays, and it helped him deal with depression other days. It also help him to not beat himself up the days he was frantically trying to prove he could be perfect.

Don’t should on yourself today. Or anytime. I encourage you to implement these new strategies of using “want to,” “wish,” and “yet I am” to silence your inner critic and then enjoy the results! You’ll find it so much easier to move forward in relationships and in making plans to improve your situation.

Las Tarjetas de Terapia del Dr. Remy Nelson son herramientas poderosas diseñadas para ofrecer apoyo emocional y guía en el proceso de enfrentar y aliviar el dolor. Las tarjetas están diseñadas para ayudar a manejar el dolor emocional, psicológico y espiritual. Aquí hay algunas maneras en que las Tarjetas de Terapia pueden ser de ayuda en el proceso de lidiar con el dolor:

Afrontamiento Emocional:
Las tarjetas contienen mensajes y afirmaciones que pueden brindar consuelo y apoyo emocional. Pueden ayudar a cambiar la perspectiva sobre el dolor, fomentar la resiliencia y proporcionar recordatorios positivos para enfrentar los desafíos con una mentalidad más fuerte.

Mindfulness y Relajación:
Las Tarjetas de Terapia pueden ser utilizadas en prácticas de mindfulness y meditación. Al enfocarse en las afirmaciones y mensajes positivos de las tarjetas durante la meditación, se puede lograr un estado de relajación que contribuya a reducir la percepción del dolor.

Reflexión y Autoexploración:
Las tarjetas invitan a la reflexión y autoexploración, permitiendo a quienes las utilizan explorar sus pensamientos y sentimientos con respecto al dolor. Este proceso puede ayudar a comprender mejor la naturaleza del dolor y a encontrar maneras más saludables de abordarlo.

Empoderamiento Personal:
Al utilizar las Tarjetas de Terapia, las personas pueden sentirse empoderadas al tener herramientas que les permitan enfrentar el dolor de manera proactiva. Las afirmaciones positivas pueden fortalecer la mentalidad y cultivar una sensación de control sobre la experiencia del dolor.

Apoyo en Sesiones Terapéuticas:
Los profesionales de la salud mental, como terapeutas y consejeros, pueden incorporar las Tarjetas de Terapia en sus sesiones para proporcionar apoyo adicional a aquellos que enfrentan el dolor. Las tarjetas pueden servir como punto de partida para discusiones terapéuticas y estrategias de afrontamiento.

Conexión Espiritual:
Para aquellos que buscan apoyo espiritual, las Tarjetas de Terapia también abordan la dimensión espiritual del dolor. Pueden ayudar a encontrar consuelo a través de afirmaciones que resuenen con las creencias espirituales individuales y fomentar una conexión más profunda con la espiritualidad.

En resumen, las Tarjetas de Terapia del Dr. Remy Nelson pueden ser aliadas valiosas en el proceso de gestionar y aliviar el dolor al abordar no solo sus aspectos físicos, sino también los emocionales, mentales y espirituales. Ofrecen un enfoque integral que busca fortalecer la resiliencia y fomentar el bienestar en medio de los desafíos del dolor.

Tarjetas de Terapia
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09KQ77JRG?ref=myi_title_dp

Introduction:
Welcome to the transformative world of Dr. Remy Nelson’s Therapy Cards - an exquisite collection of Cartes de Thérapie and Tarjetas de Terapia designed to guide you on a profound journey toward mental well-being. Immerse yourself in the power of therapeutic affirmations and messages carefully crafted to address anxiety, depression, self-esteem, and the common struggle of not feeling good enough. With 64 unique cards in each deck, these cards are your daily companions on the path to healing.

Unlocking the Power of Therapy Cards:
Dr. Remy Nelson's Therapy Cards are not just flashcards; they are gateways to self-discovery and resilience. Integrate them seamlessly into your daily routine – draw a card in the morning, afternoon, and just before bedtime. Contemplate the messages, meditate, pray, and repeat the affirmations to set the tone for your day and promote better mental health.

Morning, Afternoon, and Evening Rituals for Improved Well-being:

Prioritizing Mental Health: Cultivate a habit of focusing on thoughts and feelings that align with better mental health.
Self-Care with Therapy Cards: Internalize the messages, practice affirmations throughout the day, and witness the positive transformation in your overall well-being.
Targeting Specific Mental Health Challenges:
In a world that rarely pauses, Dr. Remy Nelson’s Therapy Cards offer a sanctuary for mental health. Individuals, therapists, counselors, psychologists, and social workers can harness the power of these cards to address specific challenges and therapy goals.

Empowering Group Therapy Sessions:
Therapists can utilize Therapy Cards in group settings, fostering a sense of community and support. Encourage reflections on card topics to facilitate behavioral changes and a shared journey toward healing.

Art, Journaling, and Creative Expression:
Unleash the artistic and journaling potential of Therapy Cards. Express your thoughts creatively - draw, write, and use colors to symbolize the progression of challenges from their worst to resolution.

Mindfulness and Meditation:
Integrate Therapy Cards into mindfulness practices. Read a card, meditate, relax, and let go. Allow the therapeutic wisdom to guide you to a state of profound mindfulness.

Family and Children's Well-being:
Therapy Cards transcend individual use. Families can embrace the therapeutic journey together, using the cards to foster coping mechanisms, navigate emotions, and strengthen bonds.

Embark on a journey of self-discovery, resilience, and well-being with Dr. Remy Nelson’s Therapy Cards. Illuminate your path to inner harmony and make every day a step toward a healthier, more vibrant life.

Therapy Cards
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09K4HFR5P?ref=myi_title_dp

Cartes de Thérapie
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09KQ9K1DC?ref=myi_title_dp

Tarjetas de Teerapia
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09KQ77JRG?ref=myi_title_dp

I’m a Registered Psychotherapist specializing in Gender Dysphoria. In recent years, the prevalence rate of gender dysphoria, especially in young children, has significantly increased. Understandably, this increase has presented new challenges in caring for and educating children.

As this has been an issue of increasing concern within my professional practice, I now am making available a free video resource and other services that may be beneficial to parents, caretakers, and educators. I have put together a recording which provides some background information on Gender Dysphoria.

While one presentation is not enough to explain everything it provides some understanding on how protocols around gender transition have changed recently and over time. This is a field that is rapidly developing and has seen drastic change over the last 10 years. If you have any questions, please let me know. You can find the video at the following link. https://youtu.be/wK3jZ5fCpRg