Christian Counselor Directory Blog

Let him go. Die to the self and hurt like hell once. Endure his narcissism, and it’s death by a thousand cuts, hurting forever. Both paths sting, but which one do you choose? I’ve been there, and I can tell you—the path of no longer tolerating narcissistic abuse is the one that heals your health and saves your soul. Chronic stress from putting up with toxic relationships does nothing for you or anyone else.

It’s time to get real: grab a couples counselor, do the individual work, set boundaries, and take some distance. You owe it to yourself and the people who love you to stop enduring it. Tolerance isn’t love, I promise—it just enables their behaviour. Let’s talk about why breaking free from narcissistic abuse is crucial for your body, soul, and life. #NarcissisticAbuse #TraumaHealing #GutHealthMatters

The Pain of Staying vs. the Pain of Leaving

Staying with a narcissistic partner feels like a slow bleed. Every snide comment, every gaslight, every dismissal of your feelings—it’s a cut that adds up, leaving you anxious, drained, and doubting yourself. I’ve seen it in my own life and with clients: that constant “Am I enough?” loop is soul-crushing. But here’s the truth—leaving hurts like hell, too. Letting go means facing the pain of losing what you hoped the relationship could be. It’s raw, it’s scary, but it’s a one-time hurt that opens the door to healing. Staying? That’s endless suffering, and it’s killing your health. The choice is yours, but only one path leads to freedom.

Chronic stress from tolerating narcissistic abuse doesn’t just break your heart—it breaks your body. The gut-brain connection shows how emotional trauma fuels physical issues like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), leaky gut, or even gastric cancer risks. That constant fight-or-flight mode floods your system with cortisol, disrupting your gut bacteria and triggering inflammation. Bloating, food sensitivities, or autoimmune flare-ups? They’re your body’s cry for help. I’ve felt this, watching my health crumble under narcissistic abuse, and I’ve seen it in clients, too. Your body can’t thrive when your soul’s stuck in survival mode.

Why Tolerance Isn’t Love

You might think tolerating their behaviour is love, but it’s not—it’s enabling. Every time you let their gaslighting, blame, or dismissal slide, you’re teaching them it’s okay to hurt you. And it’s not just you paying the price—it’s your health, your peace, and even the people who care about you. Chronic tolerance keeps you trapped in codependency, feeding their narcissism while draining your spirit. I promise, love doesn’t mean enduring pain. Love means choosing yourself, setting boundaries, and demanding respect. You’re worth more than a thousand cuts.
For spiritual businesswomen, this resonates more deeply. Your God-given mission is to embody health and ease, but CPTSD from narcissistic abuse keeps you stuck—feeling like you’ve gotta be perfect, fearing judgment, and ignoring your own needs. I’ve had to unlearn this to show up authentically in my work. Healing these wounds is sacred, God-centered work that lets your soul shine.

Steps to Break Free and Heal

You don’t have to stay stuck in this pain. Healing from narcissistic abuse and CPTSD starts with choosing yourself.

Here’s how to begin:

Face the Truth: Acknowledge their narcissistic patterns—gaslighting, shaming, dismissing your needs. Seeing it clearly is your first step to freedom. Learn more about narcissistic abuse.

Listen to Your Body: Gut issues, skin flare-ups, or chronic illness?

They’re signals. Work with a naturopath or nutritionist for gut-healing foods or stress-relief practices. Healthline’s gut health guide is a solid start.

Do the Work: Individual therapy or couples counselling can help you process trauma. Therapies like EMDR release pain stored in your body.

Set Boundaries: Say No to Toxic Behaviour. Boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re survival. Check out how to set boundaries.

Take Distance: Space gives you clarity. Whether it’s a break or a breakup, prioritize your peace.

Embody Your Mission: Spiritual entrepreneur, your health is your ministry. Prioritize rest, nutrition, and movement to align with your purpose.

Choose Healing, Choose You

Letting go of a narcissistic partner hurts, but enduring their abuse hurts forever. You don’t have to keep tolerating the pain that’s breaking your body and soul. I’ve walked this path, healing my gut and heart from codependency’s scars, and I’ve guided clients through it too. Your chronic illness or anxiety isn’t your fault—it’s a call to wake up and choose yourself. Take one step today: trust your instincts, set a boundary, or reach out for support. Share your story below or DM me—we’re in this together. Let’s spread awareness about narcissistic abuse, CPTSD, and gut health, empowering each other to heal. You’re worth it, and your soul’s ready to thrive. 🌟 #NarcissisticAbuse #CPTSD #GutHealthMatters #TraumaHealing

The discovery of an affair is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. Cheating is often thought of purely as a physical affair, but emotional infidelity can be just as damaging, if not more so. At Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC (LEAPS Inc.), our trained professionals assist individuals and couples in Orlando and Tampa in understanding, handling, and recovering from emotional and sexual affairs using evidence-based, culturally sensitive therapy.
This article discusses significant distinctions between emotional and physical infidelity, the psychological and relational implications of each, and how working with a couples counselor, marriage therapist, or therapist who specializes in trauma may be able to promote trust and wellness again.
Infidelity Defined: Emotional Vs. Physical
The conventional definition of betrayal is the violation of interpersonal trust; however, this definition appears incomplete in terms of understanding what cheating and infidelity embody. But really, what is cheating anyway? It can be very subjective, depending on individual and social perception.
What is Emotional Infidelity?
Emotional Cheating. While having sexual relations with a person other than the one you just had dinner with is far more discreet, it doesn't necessarily make cheating any less prevalent. Emotional infidelity is what happens when the intimacy in the relationship is given to someone who is not a part of the dynamic. Emotional affairs have several standard features:
• Excessive texting, calling, or messaging


• Confiding in someone more than your partner


• Hiding communication from your partner


• Comparing the third party favorably to your spouse


• Emotional reliance on someone outside the relationship
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, nearly 60% of individuals in committed relationships reported forming deep emotional connections with someone other than their partner, suggesting that emotional affairs are more common and more ambiguous than many assume.
What is Physical Infidelity?
Physical infidelity, on the other hand, typically involves sexual contact or intimacy with someone outside the relationship. This may include:
• Kissing


• Sexual touching


• Sexual intercourse


• Ongoing physical relationships outside the primary partnership
Here, I think it is more clear-cut and less culturally specific. Physical cheating is more universally accepted as something that has crossed relationship boundaries.

What Emotional and Physical Cheating Does to Your Relationships
Although both types of betrayal can result in feelings of betrayal, shame, anger, and grief, they tend to present differently in couples therapy or individual counseling.
The Psychological Effects of Emotional Cheating
Emotional affairs can be even more damaging to the emotional structure of the relationship. The consequences most frequently reported are:
• Erosion of trust and intimacy


• Feelings of inadequacy or emotional abandonment


• Anxiety, depression, or PTSD-like symptoms


• Increased relationship conflict and confusion
Unlike the physical act of cheating, emotional adultery is characterized by repeated mental comparisons, which wreak havoc on the betrayed partner’s self-esteem. For individuals in Orlando or Tampa experiencing this issue, modalities such as Attachment-Based Family Therapy or Emotionally Focused Therapy can address the underlying causes and heal the emotional injury.
Physical Infidelity’s Psychological and Physical Consequences
Physical cheating often brings immediate emotional distress, but it can also result in:
• Sexual health concerns (e.g., STIs)


• Heightened levels of anger, jealousy, and resentment


• Immediate breakdown of trust


• Public embarrassment if exposed
Partners that are impacted by physical infidelity may want to consider trauma-focused therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) if they experience symptoms of PTSD or intrusive thoughts will continue to benefit.

Sliding Into Emotional Affairs Is Common
Friendship can veer into emotional territory when boundaries are unclear. Studies by Dr. Shirley Glass, a psychologist and an infidelity expert, have shown that emotional affairs are the forerunners of physical affairs, at least that's how the person having the affair portrays it.
• Time spent together increases


• Partners begin hiding the relationship


• The emotional connection surpasses the intimacy in the primary relationship.
In our work at LEAPS Inc., we often help clients establish healthy relational boundaries, identify emotional vulnerabilities, and explore patterns that contributed to the infidelity, without blame or shame.

Signs You or Your Partner May Be Experiencing Emotional Infidelity
Here are some warning signs that emotional infidelity may be occurring:
• You’re texting or messaging someone more than your partner


• You hide details of the friendship from your partner


• You fantasize about being with the other person


• You feel emotionally closer to them than to your spouse


• You become defensive or secretive about your interactions
The sooner these patterns can be identified, the more chances couples have to intervene, ideally with marriage counseling or relationship therapy, before a connection gets sexual or does significant emotional damage.
Why Cheating Doesn’t Have to Kill a Relationship
Many couples, even if they believe that it’s impossible for them, do not break up over infidelity, be it of the sexual or emotional variety. Some find that the affair gives way to explicit, honest conversations, renewed commitment, and healing.
At Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC, we counsel many couples who decide to recover from a betrayal. Using healing techniques such as:
• Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for restoring attachment


• Internal Family Systems (IFS) for addressing inner conflicts


• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for aligning values and behaviors
Therapy can help both partners understand why the betrayal occurred, what they need to rebuild, and how to forgive each other or themselves.
Role of Therapeutic Process in Recovery from Infidelity
Whether it’s emotional or sexual, infidelity leaves wounds that alone would take work to heal. It’s the safety and scaffolding of therapy that help with pain processing, intention clarification, and the gradual restoration of trust.
What Marriage Counseling Can Do:
• Help couples identify unmet emotional needs


• Re-establish communication and boundaries


• Guide forgiveness (if desired)


• Explore deeper patterns and attachment styles


• Provide actionable tools to prevent future betrayals
Therapies such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) can also reduce the emotional reactivity that often follows the discovery of an affair.
For Individuals
If you're the betrayed or betraying partner, individual therapy can help address:
• Guilt, shame, or anger


• Self-esteem issues


• Childhood or attachment traumas


• Compulsive behaviors


• Symptoms of depression or anxiety
Narrative therapy, psychoanalysis therapy, and trauma-focused therapy can help examine oneself more deeply.
Infidelity: The Power of Faith and Culture in the Experience of Betrayal
For others, it’s their spiritual values or cultural pressures that shape the way infidelity is understood and addressed. At LEAPS Inc., clinicians offer culturally sensitive (and, when applicable, Christian-informed) processing to respect the client's spiritual beliefs and values.
We recognize that for every client in Orlando, Tampa, or elsewhere, there are diverse views and values regarding marriage, gender roles, and forgiveness.
One Night of Trauma and Infidelity affects so many others!
If the finding or uncovering of infidelity causes panic, flashbacks, nightmares, or emotional numbness, you may have what is known as relationship trauma. This isn’t uncommon, especially among clients who have a history of:
• Childhood neglect or abuse


• Past betrayal in adult relationships


• Abandonment fears
Therapeutic modalities such as EMDR, IFS, or Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) are highly effective in addressing the trauma aspects of betrayal and re-establishing emotional safety.
Orlando and Tampa: Accessing Relationship Help Locally
If you’re located in Orlando or Tampa, Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC offers in-person and virtual therapy to help you navigate the complexities of infidelity and relationship repair.
Our licensed mental health professionals offer a wide range of services, including:
• Couples therapy


• Marriage counseling


• Family therapy


• Individual growth and self-empowerment
We also provide an eclectic selection of therapeutic methods, including Adlerian Therapy and Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), tailored to your personal needs on each day.

Cheating Doesn’t Necessarily Signal the End
Both emotional and sexual infidelity are egregious violations of trust, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of a relationship or, therefore, the erosion of your mental health. The right way, with science-based support that is empathetic, people and couples are indeed learning how to reconcile and heal, and as a result, grow and build lives again.
LEAPS Inc. is a resource available to assist you on your journey toward emotional and relational health, whether you need assistance in healing from betrayal, trauma, or simply gaining clarity.
Ready to Heal? Contact LEAPS Inc. Today
Rebuild with Purpose
Adultery hurts, but you don’t have to go through it alone. At Leadership Empowerment and Psychological Services, LLC, in Orlando and Tampa, our therapists are ready to assist you in your time of need with personalized, respectful, and professional care.
Contact us today at www.leapsinc.com to schedule your confidential consultation.

“What do I do? What do I say? How do I say it? How should I look? How do I pull this off? What’s he gonna think of me? I gotta do this for everyone else. I can’t screw up. I’m so freaking anxious.” Sound familiar? These words are like a soundtrack stuck on repeat when you’re tangled up in codependency with a narcissist. They creep into every part of your life—your thoughts, your choices, your sense of who you are. And if you’re also dealing with gut issues or skin flare-ups from all that chronic stress? Yeah, that’s your body screaming for you to wake up. Healing from narcissistic abuse and complex trauma (CPTSD) is tough, but so worth it for your soul and your health. If you’re a spiritual businesswoman, your God-given mission starts with feeling good in your skin—let’s talk about how to get there.

Codependency’s Grip and Its Toll

Being with a narcissistic partner can make you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells. You’re always wondering, What will they think? How do I avoid messing this up? That codependent mindset has you bending over backward to please them, leaving you frozen, fawning, or just plain checked out. I’ve been there, and I’ve seen it in so many clients—your confidence gets chipped away, and you start doubting everything about yourself. It’s exhausting, and it’s not just your heart that takes the hit.

That constant stress? It’s wreaking havoc on your body. The gut-brain connection is no joke—science shows chronic emotional trauma can lead to gut problems like IBS, leaky gut, candida, or even scarier stuff like stomach cancer. All that fight-or-flight energy releases cortisol, disrupting your gut bacteria and triggering inflammation. Bloating, food sensitivities, or skin issues like eczema? They’re not random—they’re your body waving a red flag. I’ve lived this myself, watching my gut health tank under the weight of narcissistic abuse, and I’ve seen the same in clients. Your body’s begging for freedom.

Spiritual Businesswomen: Your Body Is Your Mission

If you’re a spiritual entrepreneur, you know your God-given purpose flows through your body first. You’re called to embody health, ease, and light, but CPTSD from narcissistic abuse can keep you stuck—doubting your worth, fearing mistakes, and feeling like you’ve gotta perform perfectly in life and business. That anxious voice asking, How do I appear? What will they think?—It’s stealing your peace and your health. I get it; I’ve had to unlearn those patterns to show up authentically in my own work. Healing these wounds isn’t just personal—it’s sacred, God-centered work that lets you shine.

Steps to Break Free and Heal

You don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. Healing narcissistic abuse and CPTSD is about waking up to the truth and choosing you. Here’s how to start:

Face the Truth: Call out the narcissistic patterns—gaslighting, shaming, dismissing your needs. Seeing them clearly is the first step to breaking free.

Listen to Your Body: Those gut issues or skin flare-ups? They’re telling you something. Work with a doctor or nutritionist to support your gut with anti-inflammatory foods, probiotics, or stress-relief practices.

Trust Yourself Again: Start small—journal or sit quietly to hear your own voice without that defensive chatter. You don’t need to second-guess everything.

Set Boundaries: Say no to toxic vibes. You don’t have to please everyone, and that’s okay. Boundaries are your superpower.

Get Support: Trauma-informed therapy like EMDR or somatic experiencing can help release the pain stored in your body. You don’t have to do this alone.

Embody Your Calling: Spiritual businesswoman, your health is your ministry. Prioritize rest, nutrition, and movement to align your body and soul with your purpose.

Your Soul and Body Deserve Freedom

You’re not meant to stay anxious, sick, or small. Healing from narcissistic abuse and CPTSD is about reclaiming your God-given right to feel whole—body and soul. I’ve walked this road, healing my own gut and heart from codependency’s scars, and I’ve guided clients through it too. Your chronic symptoms aren’t your fault, but they’re a call to wake up and choose yourself.

Take one step today: trust your gut (literally), set a boundary, or reach out for support. Share your story in the comments or DM me—we’re in this together. Let’s spread awareness about narcissistic abuse, CPTSD, and gut health, empowering each other to thrive. You’ve got this, and your soul’s ready to shine. #NarcissisticAbuse #CPTSD #TraumaHealing #GutHealthMatters #SpiritualEntrepreneur

It’s gut-wrenching to admit that the person you love is breaking your soul and body, piece by piece. The truth is, when you’re caught in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, their hurtful patterns can erode your confidence, self-worth, and emotional well-being over time. It’s tough to face because, deep down, you might feel you can’t live without them. But waking up to the reality of narcissistic abuse is the first step toward healing, not just for your heart, but for your physical health too. Narcissistic abuse doesn’t just wound your spirit; it can manifest as chronic illness, from gut issues to deeper systemic problems. Recognizing these patterns is key to reclaiming your life. Here, I’ll share five critical signs of narcissistic abuse, their impact on your soul and body, and why healing is your birthright. Share this to raise awareness and help others spot these red flags.

They Make You Feel Inherently Flawed

Over time, a narcissistic partner trains you to believe something is fundamentally wrong with you. Through relentless condemnation and toxic shaming, they frame your normal human mistakes as a “character disease.” This leaves you drowning in toxic shame, feeling defective just for being human. I’ve seen this in my own journey and with clients—how this projection chips away at your self-worth. Their criticism isn’t about you; it’s their way of dodging their own inner pain. Key takeaway: Your mistakes don’t define you. They’re not the catastrophe they make them out to be. You are enough, and their projection isn’t the truth. #EmotionalAbuse #SelfWorth

Constant Criticism of Everything You Do

No matter how hard you try, nothing is ever good enough. Your actions—big or small—are met with criticism, blame, or frustration when they don’t align with their expectations. Instead of communicating needs clearly, they weaponize your efforts, leaving you feeling small and inadequate. This constant critique isn’t love; it’s control. Healthy partners lift you up and communicate with respect, not condemnation. Key takeaway: You deserve a relationship where your efforts are valued, not torn apart. Respect is the bare minimum.

Gaslighting Your Reality

Gaslighting is one of the cruellest tools of narcissistic abuse. They manipulate you into doubting your thoughts, feelings, and reality, dismissing your emotions as “wrong” or “overdramatic.” Over time, you start questioning your truth, feeling invalidated and lost. I know this pain intimately—it’s like your soul is being erased. Healthy feedback honours your feelings while offering perspective, not erasure. Key takeaway: Trust your instincts. Check in with yourself to find clarity without defensiveness. Your feelings are valid, and no one gets to rewrite your truth. #Gaslighting #EmotionalManipulation

Refusing to Apologize

When a narcissistic partner hurts you, they rarely offer a genuine apology. Instead, you get cold excuses or outright denial, leaving your pain unseen and unheard. This lack of remorse breaks your heart over time, making you feel invisible. I’ve felt this sting and seen it in others—how it chips away at your spirit. You deserve someone who owns their mistakes with empathy. Key takeaway: Genuine accountability matters. You deserve to be seen, heard, and cared for in your pain. #NarcissisticBehavior #SelfLove

Avoiding Accountability at All Costs

Narcissists dodge responsibility like it’s their job. They dismiss your pain, sweep it under the rug, or shift the conversation to avoid facing the harm they’ve caused. This evasion leaves you carrying the weight of their actions, eroding your trust in yourself. Accountability is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship—it shows maturity and a willingness to grow. Key takeaway: You deserve a partner who faces their mistakes and works to repair the relationship, not someone who buries your pain. #ToxicPartners #BreakTheCycle

The Long-Term Toll on Your Soul and Body

Over time, these behaviours do more than bruise your heart—they break your body too. The chronic stress of narcissistic abuse can manifest as physical illness, particularly gut health issues, through the gut-brain connection. Research links prolonged emotional trauma to conditions like irritable bowel syndrome, leaky gut, and even cancer.

Here’s what happens:
You believe something’s wrong with you, internalizing their toxic shame.
You distrust your actions, second-guessing every move.
You gaslight yourself, dismissing your feelings as invalid.
You ignore your heart’s truth, believing your opinions don’t matter.
You lose your identity, unsure of who you are anymore.
This dissociation and self-abandonment don’t just crush your spirit—they disrupt your body’s balance, leading to chronic inflammation and disease. I’ve lived this, watching my gut health suffer under the weight of narcissistic abuse, and I’ve seen it in clients too. Healing starts with waking up to these patterns and choosing yourself.

Your Path to Healing

You don’t have to stay broken. Healing begins when you acknowledge the truth of your partner’s hurtful behaviours and refuse to tolerate them. You deserve emotional safety, respect, and a life free from shame. Start by trusting your instincts, setting boundaries, and seeking support—whether through therapy, loved ones, or communities like this one. Your body and soul deserve to thrive. Share your story below or reach out for support. Let’s raise awareness and rebuild together.

Article by Tracey Nguyen, Holistic Nurse and Psychotherapist

Navigating a toxic marriage marked by narcissistic abuse can leave deep emotional and physical scars, often manifesting as chronic health issues like gut disease. The pain of narcissistic abuse—gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and neglect—can trap you in a cycle of denial, dissociation, and self-abandonment, rooted in childhood wounds. This blog post explores the warning signs of narcissistic abuse, the toll it takes on your mental and physical health, and actionable steps to reclaim your emotional safety and well-being.

The Reality of Narcissistic Abuse in Marriage

Narcissistic abuse in a marriage often stems from a partner with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or narcissistic traits. These individuals prioritize their needs, leaving you feeling dismissed, invalidated, or manipulated. The hope of a loving, fulfilling relationship can blind you to the reality of their harmful patterns. You may cling to the fantasy of what could be, ignoring the pain they inflict repeatedly. This denial is a coping mechanism, often tied to unresolved trauma from childhood, such as neglect or emotional wounds from a parent.
Women, in particular, may internalize this pain, dismissing their own needs to preserve the dream of a perfect partnership. This self-abandonment leads to deep depression, anxiety, and a loss of identity. The constant gaslighting—where your reality is questioned or distorted—erodes your self-trust, leaving you questioning your emotions and worth. Over time, this emotional turmoil takes a physical toll, particularly on gut health, through the gut-brain connection.

Warning Signs of a Toxic, Narcissistic Marriage

Recognizing the signs of narcissistic abuse is the first step toward healing. Here are key red flags to watch for:

Gaslighting: Your partner denies your experiences or emotions, making you doubt your reality. Phrases like “You’re too sensitive” or “That never happened” are common.

Emotional Manipulation: They use guilt, shame, or blame to control you, leaving you feeling responsible for their emotions or actions.

Neglect and Dismissal: Your needs, feelings, or opinions are ignored or belittled, making you feel invisible.

Control and Domination: They dictate your choices, from how you dress to who you spend time with, stripping away your autonomy.

Cycle of Idealization and Devaluation: They shower you with affection initially, only to later criticize or devalue you, creating emotional whiplash.

Isolation: They distance you from friends, family, or support systems, increasing your dependence on them.

Chronic Blame: You’re blamed for their unhappiness or mistakes, fostering a sense of unworthiness.

These behaviours create a toxic environment where you may feel like a “dissociated puppet,” submissive and voiceless, disconnected from your true self.

The Gut-Brain Connection: How Narcissistic Abuse Impacts Physical Health
The emotional stress of narcissistic abuse doesn’t just harm your mental health—it can wreak havoc on your physical body, particularly your gut.

The gut-brain axis, a bidirectional communication system between your brain and digestive system, explains why chronic stress and emotional trauma can manifest as gut health diseases. Conditions like irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), leaky gut, or inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) are increasingly linked to prolonged stress and trauma.

When you’re in a toxic marriage, the constant state of fight-or-flight triggers the release of stress hormones like cortisol, which disrupts gut microbiota balance, increases inflammation, and weakens digestion. Dissociation—a coping mechanism where you disconnect from your emotions or body—further exacerbates this. Over time, suppressed emotions and chronic stress can lead to physical symptoms like bloating, abdominal pain, or food sensitivities, which may feel like they “came out of nowhere.” In reality, these conditions have been brewing for years, fueled by the emotional toll of narcissistic abuse.

Research shows that chronic stress alters gut bacteria, compromising the gut lining and contributing to systemic inflammation. This inflammation can trigger or worsen conditions like depression, anxiety, and autoimmune disorders, creating a vicious cycle. For those in toxic relationships, the body becomes a battleground, with gut health serving as a barometer of emotional distress.

Breaking Free: Steps to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse

Healing from narcissistic abuse and its physical consequences requires courage, self-awareness, and intentional action.

Here’s how to begin:

Acknowledge the Reality: Accept that the person causing you pain is unlikely to change. Recognizing their abusive patterns—without clinging to the fantasy of a better future—frees you from denial.

Prioritize Emotional Safety: You deserve a relationship where you feel seen, heard, and valued. Emotional safety is non-negotiable. Seek support from a therapist or trusted loved ones to rebuild your sense of self.

Reconnect with Your Body: Chronic dissociation disconnects you from your emotions and physical sensations. Practices like mindfulness, yoga, or journaling can help you tune into your body and process suppressed emotions.

Support Gut Health: Address physical symptoms by prioritizing gut health. Eat a nutrient-dense diet rich in fibre, probiotics, and anti-inflammatory foods like leafy greens, fatty fish, and fermented foods. Consult a healthcare provider for personalized guidance.

Set Boundaries: Establish firm boundaries with your partner or, if necessary, consider leaving the relationship. A therapist specializing in narcissistic abuse can help you navigate this process.

Seek Professional Help: Trauma-focused therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), Complex Trauma-focused therapies with somatic-focused, nervous system, with narcissistic abuse recovery can help you process complex trauma and rebuild self-esteem and health issues.

Practice Self-Compassion: Healing is a journey. Be gentle with yourself as you unlearn self-abandonment and reclaim your worth.

The Path to Divine Health and Emotional Freedom
Healing from narcissistic abuse is not just about escaping a toxic marriage—it’s about reclaiming your birthright to emotional and physical well-being. You don’t have to tolerate pain or abuse to achieve your dreams. By acknowledging the reality of your situation, setting boundaries, and addressing the gut-brain connection, you can break free from the cycle of dissociation and self-neglect.
The journey to recovery may feel daunting, but every step toward emotional safety and self-awareness is a step toward divine health. Your body and soul deserve to thrive

In the whirlwind of our daily lives, finding stillness and peace can often seem like an unreachable dream. As Christians, we yearn for a deeper connection with God amidst the noise, seeking clarity and serenity in His presence. This is where the intersection of Christian faith and mindfulness practices offers a profound pathway to nurturing our spiritual health and deepening our relationship with God. Engaging in Christian-based mindfulness techniques doesn’t just fit within our worldview; it enriches it, drawing us closer to God and the peace that surpasses understanding.

The Christian Approach to Mindfulness

Christian mindfulness is about being fully present in the moment with an open heart to God's presence and guidance. It is a deliberate act of focusing our mind and spirit on God's goodness and surrendering our worries to Him. This practice does not conflict with Christian beliefs but rather complements our prayer life, offering a structured way to calm our minds and listen more closely to what God is trying to tell us.

Techniques to Deepen Your Spiritual Connection

Scripture Meditation: Begin your day by meditating on a specific scripture. Let the words sink into your heart and mind, pondering over how you can apply its lessons throughout your day. This form of meditation invites the Holy Spirit to speak through God's Word, transforming and guiding us in our daily walk with Christ.

Gratitude Journaling: Keep a journal where you can daily list things you’re grateful for. This simple act can profoundly shift your focus from life’s challenges to its blessings, fostering a heart of gratitude that recognizes God’s hand in even the smallest details of life.

Breath Prayer: Inhale deeply while internally saying, “Lord Jesus Christ,” and exhale with, "Have mercy on me.” This ancient Christian practice can help bring about a sense of God’s peace and presence, especially in moments of stress or distraction.

Nature Walks: Use walks in nature as a time to reflect on God's creation and find peace in the beauty of the world He has made. This not only offers physical exercise but also spiritual refreshment, reminding us of the Creator who cares for all creation.

Examen Prayer: At the end of the day, reflect on the moments for which you are most grateful and those you found challenging. Ask God to reveal His presence in those times and seek His guidance for the day ahead. This Ignatian spirituality practice helps discern God’s direction and presence in our daily lives.

Quiet Time for Listening: Dedicate a part of your day to sit in silence before God, allowing His Spirit to speak to you. In these moments of stillness, we often find clarity and comfort that can guide us through life’s complexities.

Bringing Mindfulness into Your Daily Routine

Incorporating these practices into your daily life need not be overwhelming. Start with a few minutes each day, choosing the practice that speaks most to your heart. The key is consistency and allowing yourself to grow in mindfulness over time. These moments of stillness and reflection can become a cherished part of your day, a sacred time to connect with God deeply.

Are you ready to deepen your spiritual journey and experience the transformative power of mindfulness within a Christian context? Begin today and may your path be illuminated by God’s unwavering light and love.

FearFaithTrusting God
Fear is a powerful and natural emotion. Defined as an unpleasant feeling caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat, fear serves an important role in our survival. As a verb, to fear means to be afraid of potential harm, whether physical or psychological. There are moments when fear is not only understandable but necessary—like when an out-of-control car speeds toward us, when someone who has hurt us in the past unexpectedly appears, or when we receive a concerning medical diagnosis. These are legitimate reasons to feel fear.

Understanding Fear as a Biological Response
Biologically, fear is a primal emotional response. Our amygdala, a part of the brain, alerts us to potential dangers by triggering this emotion, often without any conscious planning. Its job is to keep us safe by preparing our body to react to threats. However, when fear becomes constant or overwhelming, it stops being a helpful warning and instead becomes a burden that can hinder our well-being.

Introducing Faith as the Antidote
In contrast to fear, there is faith. Faith is defined as having complete trust or confidence in someone or something. We often place our faith in family, jobs, or promises made by others. Yet, when we rely on things that are temporary or uncertain, disappointment can follow. True faith, as described in the Bible, goes beyond mere hope or wishful thinking. Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” This verse reveals that faith is an active, confident trust in what cannot be seen or fully understood.

Faith in Action: Trusting God Over Fear
Faith is essential for a relationship with God. It is not just an abstract idea but a genuine trust that leads to action. When we place our faith in God—who is everlasting and unchanging—we find a source of strength and peace that fear cannot provide. Jesus Christ, the living Word made flesh, embodies this faithfulness and invites us to trust in Him even when circumstances seem uncertain or frightening.

Choosing faith over fear does not mean ignoring reality or pretending that challenges do not exist. Instead, it means acknowledging our fears but deciding to trust in God’s promises and character. It means stepping forward with confidence, knowing that our faith is grounded in something eternal.

Faith-Filled Affirmations

From Isaiah 41:10 — "Fear not, for I am with you..."

I will not fear, because my God is with me wherever I go.

I am upheld by God's righteous right hand — I will not fall.

Even in weakness, I am strengthened by the One who promises never to leave me.

From Hebrews 11:1 — "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for..."

I walk by faith and not by sight — my hope is rooted in God’s promises.

Even when I cannot see the way forward, I believe that God is already working it out.

My faith is active, alive, and anchored in a God who never fails.

From 2 Timothy 1:7 — "For God has not given us a spirit of fear..."

I have been given a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind.

Fear has no place in me — I am bold, wise, and deeply loved.

I carry the courage of Christ within me; I do not shrink back from my calling.


Marti’s Message

In a world filled with uncertainty, fear can feel overwhelming. Yet, by embracing faith, we can find hope, courage, and reassurance. When fear threatens to paralyze us, faith empowers us to move forward, trusting that God is with us every step of the way.

I recently heard a pastor say that Scripture tells us over 365 times not to fear. For example, Isaiah 41:10 states, “fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you.” Second Timothy 1:7 reads,” God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and a sound mind.” One of my favorite songs is Fear Is a Liar by Zach Williams. The beginning of the song is about all of the negative words that people may say to us and as a result we begin to doubt who we really are. But, the song ends with this statement, “Fear is a liar.”

Let’s use our wise minds and do not let our emotions take over. Let’s examine the facts and then make the wise choice of who to believe; the liar or the Truth.


Contact Us for Support

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, battling fear in your decisions, or simply trying to hold it all together—you're not alone. Whether you're navigating motherhood, womanhood, or the unknowns of young adulthood, our faith-based counseling is here to walk beside you. Reach out today and take your next step in faith and freedom.

In the intricate dance of parenting, managing discipline is perhaps one of the most challenging steps. As parents, the ultimate goal is to guide our children towards becoming responsible, compassionate adults. However, in a family that feels emotionally grounded and connected, discipline should be approached differently — not as a punitive measure but as a positive, teaching moment. This blog explores effective strategies for maintaining discipline through positivity in a way that respects both you and your children.

Understanding Positive Discipline

Positive discipline is a philosophy that encourages children and teens to learn from their actions in a supportive and caring environment. It’s about helping them understand the consequences of their actions in a manner that promotes self-control and decision-making skills without breaking their spirit or sense of self-worth.

Establish Clear Values and Rules

1. Set Clear Expectations:
It's crucial to define what behaviors are acceptable and what aren’t in your family. This clarity helps children and teens feel secure because they know what is expected of them. Moreover, rules are easier to enforce when everyone understands them.

2. Consistency is Key:
Once the rules are set, apply them consistently. Consistency helps reinforce learning and reduces confusion about what is allowed and what is not.

Improve Communication Skills

1. Practice Active Listening:
Give your full attention when your children are speaking, and make sure to acknowledge their feelings. This shows that their opinions are valued and helps you understand their perspective, which can guide how you implement discipline.

2. Use Empathetic Language:
Instead of correction through criticism, try to empathize. Use statements that start with "I understand," or "It seems like," to express understanding and care about their feelings.

Focus on Teaching Rather Than Punishing

1. Encourage Problem-Solving:
Whenever a problem arises, engage your child in finding a solution. This approach not only resolves the current issue but also equips them with problem-solving skills for the future.

2. Reinforce the Good:
Make it a habit to notice and commend positive behaviors just as much, if not more, than correcting negative ones. Positive reinforcement makes children feel rewarded and encourages them to continue those behaviors.

Lead by Example

1. Model the Behavior You Want to See:
Children learn a lot by observation. By handling your own mistakes gracefully, maintaining patience, and offering kindness even in difficult situations, you set a powerful example for your children.

2. Apologize When Necessary:
Showing your children that everyone, even parents, can make mistakes and that it’s important to apologize, demonstrates humility and respect.

Provide Opportunities for Growth

1. Set Age-Appropriate Challenges:
Give your children tasks that challenge their abilities and help them grow. Whether it’s a simple chore for a younger child or a more complex responsibility for a teenager, these challenges can boost self-esteem and promote a healthy sense of independence.

2. Be Patient and Give Encouragement:
Every child is unique and will progress at their own pace. Constant encouragement and patience are vital to building their confidence and helping them improve.

Ready to Take the Next Step?

In navigating the complexities of parenting, having the right support can make all the difference. Whether you're dealing with behavioral challenges, seeking better communication techniques, or just need someone to guide you through the parenting journey, we are here to help.

Schedule Your Session Now: Don’t wait for the situation at home to become more stressful.

Take the first step towards a positive, harmonious family environment. You don’t have to do it alone.

Trauma affects people differently depending on their personal experiences, resilience levels, and the support systems they have in place. While the term "trauma" often conjures images of catastrophic events, it can also describe subtle yet impactful experiences that shape mental and emotional well-being.

Types of Events That May Cause Trauma

Natural disasters: Earthquakes, hurricanes, or other extreme weather conditions.
Violence: Physical assault, domestic violence, or war-related experiences.
Loss: The death of a loved one or separation from close relationships.
Chronic stressors: Prolonged neglect, bullying, or financial instability.

While these examples represent common causes of trauma, it is essential to recognize that what feels traumatic to one person may not have the same effect on another. This variability underscores the deeply personal nature of trauma.

How Trauma Manifests in Daily Life

Trauma does not simply exist as a distant memory—it often persists in ways that influence an individual’s behavior and interactions with the world.

Heightened feelings of sadness, anxiety, or anger.
Difficulty managing strong emotions.
Challenges in trusting others.
Fear of intimacy or attachment issues.
Negative beliefs about self-worth or safety.

Understanding these manifestations is critical for supporting individuals who have experienced trauma.

The Importance of Context

Trauma should always be understood within the context of someone's unique situation and history. Social support systems play an essential role in helping individuals process their experiences and move toward healing. For some people, professional interventions are necessary to address more severe symptoms effectively.

By deepening our understanding of trauma’s complex nature and its varied expressions across individuals and cultures, we can create a more compassionate environment for healing and growth.

Little t vs Big T Trauma

Trauma is a complex and multifaceted experience, but not all traumas are the same. One important distinction in understanding trauma lies in the difference between "little t" trauma and "Big T" trauma.

Big T Trauma: Life-Altering Events

Big T trauma refers to significant, life-altering events that often involve a clear threat to one's safety or survival. These types of events can overwhelm an individual's ability to cope.


Natural disasters (hurricanes, earthquakes)
Physical or sexual assault
Military combat
Severe car accidents
Life-threatening illnesses

Big T traumas typically lead to more acute psychological responses and may result in disorders like Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). They are often easier to identify due to their dramatic and highly distressing nature.

Little t Trauma: Subtle Yet Impactful

Little t traumas, on the other hand, encompass smaller-scale events that may not seem immediately devastating but still leave a lasting emotional impact over time. These experiences might not involve physical danger but can disrupt one's sense of security or self-worth.

Repeated criticism during childhood
Experiencing exclusion or bullying
Parental divorce
Loss of a pet
Financial struggles

While little t traumas may not fully disrupt one’s life at first glance, their cumulative effect can be profound if left unaddressed. They may contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, or feelings of inadequacy.

Comparing Big T vs Little t Trauma

Why Both Types Matter

Both types of trauma are important because they shape an individual's emotional landscape and coping mechanisms. While Big T trauma often receives more attention due to its dramatic nature, little t trauma deserves equal recognition for its cumulative effects on mental health over time.

Increased emotional sensitivity
Difficulty building healthy relationships
Struggles with self-esteem
Chronic stress-related health issues

Addressing Both Forms of Trauma

It is essential for mental health professionals and individuals alike to recognize both forms of trauma in order to provide proper support and intervention.

Validating all experiences as significant without unfair comparisons.

Offering psychoeducation about the impact of even seemingly “small” traumatic events.

Encouraging self-awareness so individuals can recognize unprocessed emotions from smaller life experiences.

Addressing both little t and Big T traumas holistically fosters resilience while promoting long-term healing for individuals navigating their mental health journey effectively.

Trauma-Informed Treatment

Trauma-informed treatment is a framework that acknowledges the widespread impact of trauma and integrates this understanding into every aspect of care. It places emphasis on creating safe, supportive environments where individuals can begin to heal without re-traumatization. This approach is relevant in various fields, including mental health, education, healthcare, and social services.

Principles of Trauma-Informed Care

Trauma-informed treatment is guided by several key principles.


Safety: Ensuring both physical and emotional safety for individuals.
Trustworthiness and Transparency: Building trust through clear communication and consistent practices.
Peer Support: Encouraging connection with others who have experienced similar challenges.
Collaboration and Mutuality: Valuing the involvement of individuals in their own treatment process.
Empowerment, Voice, and Choice: Promoting self-determination by offering choices and prioritizing an individual’s voice in decision-making.
Cultural Humility: Recognizing the role of cultural factors while avoiding stereotypes or assumptions.

Adopting these principles ensures a person-centered approach to care that respects the unique experiences of trauma survivors.


Core Components of Trauma-Informed Treatment

Trauma-informed care can take many forms depending on the individual’s needs.
Helping individuals understand what trauma is and how it affects the brain and body.
Teaching coping skills to manage triggers or stress responses.
Introducing practices like mindfulness or grounding techniques to manage intense emotions.
Encouraging activities such as journaling or art therapy to explore emotions safely.
Identifying an individual’s strengths rather than focusing solely on deficits or problems.

Using these strengths as tools for recovery.

Building healthy interpersonal connections to counteract isolation caused by trauma.
Facilitating group therapies where appropriate to cultivate peer support.
Addressing somatic symptoms through methods like yoga, physical exercise, or body-based therapies (e. g. , somatic experiencing).
Considering proper nutrition, sleep hygiene, and other aspects of overall health.



Benefits of Trauma-Informed Approaches

Trauma-informed treatment not only helps survivors feel seen but also actively supports their journey toward post-traumatic growth.

By adopting such approaches across different systems—whether in therapy settings or educational institutions—organizations contribute toward broader systemic changes that prioritize mental health resilience.


Training Gaps: Not all professionals receive adequate training on trauma-related issues.

Resource Limitations: Some organizations may lack time or funding needed for sustainable implementation.

Stigma Reduction Efforts: Overcoming societal stigma around mental health remains a persistent obstacle.

Addressing these barriers requires systemic efforts such as staff development programs, policy changes within organizations, and advocating for increased funding for mental health initiatives.

Trauma-informed treatment transforms not just outcomes for individuals but also how systems operate at large—all while promoting dignity and respect throughout the healing process.

Trauma-Informed Treatment

Trauma-informed treatment is an approach to care that recognizes the prevalence and impact of trauma on individuals' lives. It goes beyond traditional methods by prioritizing safety, trust, collaboration, and empowerment within therapeutic settings. This model emphasizes understanding an individual’s trauma history and adapting care to their specific needs, fostering recovery and resilience.

Principles of Trauma-Informed Treatment

Safety:Creating a sense of physical and emotional security for those receiving care.
Trustworthiness and Transparency:Building trust through clear, consistent communication and actions.
Peer Support:Encouraging connection with others who have experienced similar situations to promote healing.
Collaboration:Engaging clients as active participants in their treatment instead of passive recipients.
Empowerment:Focusing on individual strengths while encouraging autonomy and self-efficacy.

Trauma-informed practices not only benefit individuals who have experienced trauma but also create safer environments across sectors like education, healthcare, or social services. Supporting people holistically ensures they are treated with dignity while fostering long-term recovery.

The best trauma treatment is called Accelerated Resolution Therapy ( A.R.T.) and it addresses all the principles listed above and has excellent outcomes for many clients. Please take a look at this TED Talk video by its creator and you will see why this modality is key to healing.

https://youtu.be/vP7dx03arxI?si=jZfoxWEsb9RBNTdL

Teresa Lusk, Pastor, Board Certified Biblical Counselor, and
Founder of ExecYou Coach | Allen, TX
To Schedule Your appointment: 214-552-6470 | https://beyondfreedomchurch.org/coaching

Many clients come to therapists or pastoral counselors hoping to resolve their issues. They wonder if childhood habits, memories, or traumas contribute to their current crisis. But how often do clients and therapists consider deeper possibilities contributing to the wrestlings of the soul?

While I hold a Master’s degree in Professional Counseling and am a Board-Certified Biblical Counselor with years of experience and hundreds of clients, nothing compares to the wisdom, presence, and power of the Holy Spirit. He is the One who sets people free beyond circumstantial issues and pierces into spiritual obstacles often unnoticed and unrealized by both clients and therapists. The spiritual issues I refer to are a phenomenon—the need for deliverance ministry. Deliverance ministry frees individuals from demonic oppression that may arise from the experiences I mentioned, but also from encounters not often recognized by many. This includes involvement in the occult by the client or their family, sexual abuse, and even child abuse and neglect.
Many clients have seen their lives transformed in just one session when exploring the reality of demonic oppression. What should separate Christian counseling from secular counseling is our dependence on the presence and power of the LORD and recognition that we have something greater than the tools taught in universities.

What does a session look like when working with clients who meet certain criteria indicating the need for deliverance counseling and freedom ministry? First, we must be attuned to the discernment of the Lord. 1 Corinthians 2:14–15 (NASB) states, "But a natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. But the one who is spiritual discerns all things, yet he himself or herself is discerned by no one." This means we have trained ourselves to see spiritually first and consider the fullness of how the Lord created us—body, soul (mind, will, emotions, intellect), and spirit.

Second, we utilize a questionnaire that inquires about past and present involvement in various forms of witchcraft, even subtle practices. Clients may report nightmares, night terrors, feelings of being watched, oppression of body and mind they cannot shake, cycles of non-stop failure, and closed doors, to name a few.As a Hispanic woman, I can assure you that many non-white cultures open the doors to practices that seem harmless but are gateways to darkness because they are ingrained as normal within those cultures. The number of clients who confess to such activity and display manifestations of demonic oppression is very high and common. This is not to say our white brothers and sisters do not participate, as blatant witchcraft participation is growing even among our youth. However, the normalization of occult practices is greater in the aforementioned cultures.

Additionally, for the sake of time and providing only a summary of this biblical counseling approach, we utilize the power of renunciation and repentance. I lead clients through prayers that break ties with past and present participation in the occult. If they have experienced physical or sexual abuse, I employ a healing and forgiveness series of confessions that have proven successful repeatedly, and the LORD honors these words when partnered with our faith.

This is not something learned in a day but developed through years of practice and Scriptures that confirm my methods in counseling and ministry. Nothing compares to this type of counseling and deliverance. No number of years attaining a Master’s or PhD in counseling or psychiatry can produce the results of the Holy Spirit in the room with a counselor or minister who understands the power of biblical freedom. This is not to diminish other theories and techniques—after all, the truth sets people free. But freedom comes in various levels.

The evidence that your client has attained a deeper spiritual freedom through deliverance-biblical counseling begins with accelerated change. Effective Holy Spirit-led deliverance techniques have undeniable results, starting with the very feeling of freedom. It cannot be manufactured. Other immediate changes include elimination of nightmares, no longer feeling watched, joy, physical energy, desire to read the Bible, wanting to be around people, a sense of belonging and being welcomed by others, among other signs.

I say: information and knowledge are not enough—we need experience to follow. This counseling ministry is exemplified in the Bible. When Jesus preached, He followed it with action. Matthew 4:23 (NASB) writes, “Jesus was going throughout all Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.” There are many other scriptures like this. I invite counselors, pastors, spiritual leaders, and lay ministers to train and employ this counseling school of the Holy Spirit. Pastors and counselors need to experience this transformative ministry themselves to effectively guide others toward lasting freedom and deeper healing. Many Christians in mental health trust secular teachings faster than they trust that the Lord offers healing, deliverance, and freedom principles in the Bible. I invite you as a counselor and pastor to tap into a world long neglected and begin experiencing the accelerated, life-changing, life-giving ministry of the great Counselor in your healing rooms.

For more information about when Pastoral Counseling Meets Deliverance Training or speaking/preaching for you, your church, or group of leaders, contact Pastor Teresa Lusk | teresa@teresalusk.com or text 214-552-6470. To start learning about this counseling process immediately, grab a copy of my book, Unapologetically Free: Deliverance and Freedom through the Spirit-Filled Life. Order by texting the number above, or get your copy on Amazon.

#SpiritualFreedom #DeliveranceMinistry #ChristianCounseling #BiblicalCounseling #HolySpiritPower #FaithAndHealing #InnerHealing #DemonicOppression #RenunciationAndRepentance #UnapologeticallyFree #BoardCertifiedCounselor #ChristianTherapist #PastoralCounseling #FaithBasedHealing #CounselingWithChrist #TraumaInformedFaith #ChristianLeaders #PastorsOfInstagram #CounselorsOfFaith #ChristianCoaching #HealingForBelievers #ChurchLeadersUnite #LayMinisters #BreakingGenerationalCurses #FreedomInChrist #SpiritualDiscernment #OvercomingTheOccult #NoMoreNightmares #HealingFromAbuse #FreedomThroughForgiveness #ExecYouCoach #BeyondFreedomChurch #TeresaLuskMinistries #FreedomCounseling #BookOfDeliverance #HealingMinistry #TexasMinistry

Is obsessive thinking keeping you up at night? Maybe you wake up at 3 am and you keep thinking the same thoughts over and over and imagining the worst-case scenario.

You might experience…
Uncontrollable anxiety…
Your stomach in knots…
Your heart pounding…
Your body shaking…
You might even feel stupid or silly for being so anxious.
Wondering…
What’s wrong with me?
Why can’t I just calm down?
Will this ever stop?
If that’s you, you’re not alone. I was all of these.

There was a time when I was obsessed with anxious thoughts. I was drowning in worry and fear. My thinking was dominated by fearful “what if’s” about the future. I was a basket case of tense energy unable to stop frantic thoughts.

All I wanted was to calm down, be able to sleep, and get control of myself. I wanted to be able to think clearly rather than being overwhelmed with scary images of what could happen.
I needed to stop my obsessive thinking. I needed to get clear about what was really happening.
With help, I was able to calm down and think clearly.

Here’s what I discovered….
My obsessive thinking was driven by the assumptions I was making about what might happen.
That’s right….my thoughts were focused on what might happen…not reality!
ASSUMPTIONS were killing me!

What is an assumption?

Simply put, an assumption is something that we accept as true or as likely to happen without proof.

Where Assumptions Come From

Assumptions or prejudgments develop throughout our lives. Childhood experiences shape unconscious ideas and conclusions about everything. Throughout our early development and into adulthood we absorb thinking patterns modeled by significant others.

How Assumptions Act

Assumptions act as “filters” for everything that happens. These “filters” pop up automatically in our thinking and cause anxiety. Based on a lifetime of developing assumptions, our minds jump to conclusions that actually have no basis in reality.

It’s about spontaneous, involuntary thoughts that jump into our heads causing worry and fear.
We make assumptions about all kinds of things. We automatically accept assumptions as true when they’ve not been tested by reality. This results in worry and overwhelm.

What assumptions are you making right now? How are these assumptions making you anxious?

How to Let Go of Assumptions Causing Anxiety

1. Ask yourself: How true is this assumption really? Is this really likely to happen? Take time to become aware of thoughts automatically surfacing in your mind. Then reflect on these questions honestly and carefully.

Getting clear and practical about the situation you’re anxious about provides new perspectives. Taking a “matter-of-fact” approach generates a sensible, authentic thought pattern. It helps you think logically and calms you down.

2. Create a blank space in your thinking. Pausing to reflect on what’s really true in a worrisome situation, produces a void or empty space. Hold the empty space. Avoid allowing more assumptions to crowd your mind.

Keeping an open mind is difficult. It means consistently throwing out automatic, harmful thoughts. It means patience and offering kindness to yourself as you do the work of keeping an open mind until real evidence shows up. Then you can make a rational decision. Now it’s not an imagined answer rooted in your anxiety. It is a decision based on the facts.

That is how you can stop obsessive thinking. That is one technique I used to do it and you can do it too.

Several months ago, a woman overwhelmed with anxiety about a situation in her family contacted me. She could not stop thinking about the problems. She was losing sleep and unable to function.

We talked about the thoughts that were troubling her. As she sorted out what was really true in her confused thoughts, she began to feel lighter and calmer. She gained clarity about what was really going on.

I hope you can follow these tips and reduce your anxiety.
But if you are truly struggling with obsessive thoughts keeping you up at night, imagining worst-case scenarios, and you can’t get it to stop, watch my Free 10 Minute Video on How to Stop Anxiety at https://janekcoaching.com/how-to-stop-anxiety/. Schedule a FREE 30-minute consultation at https://janekcoaching.com/schedule-a-call/

Many believers seek Christian counseling not because they’ve lost faith, but because they’re holding onto it by a thread.

Maybe that’s you—tired, confused, anxious, overwhelmed… wondering why the peace promised in Scripture feels so far away.

Let me say this gently: you are not weak for needing help. You're human—and deeply loved by God.

At God’s Best Christian Therapy (GBCT), we walk with people navigating:

* Anxiety that prayer hasn’t silenced
* Depression that makes worship feel empty
* Marriage and family tension that hurts deeper because you care deeply
* Sexual or relational brokenness carried in silence
* Life transitions, grief, or burnout that cloud your sense of purpose

We use Biblical Cognitive Behavioral Therapy—a Christ-centered approach that helps clients identify and reshape thought patterns through both clinical tools and Scriptural truth. It's not just about managing symptoms—it's about healing from the inside out, guided by God's Word.

What we want you to know is this:

* God sees you (Genesis 16:13)
* Your feelings aren’t failures—they're signals
* You don’t have to choose between faith and therapy. You can pursue both in grace.

If you're considering counseling, know you're not alone—and the first step doesn't have to be scary. You’re invited to reach out for a 15–20 minute consultation at no cost, just to see if this is the right next step for you.

*“Come to Me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” – Matthew 11:28

Post by Jillian Meher, LPC

Dealing with people who engage in manipulative behavior can be extremely difficult. The interaction can leave you feeling guilty, angry, frustrated, and stuck. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being manipulated until after the fact!

Here are a few common manipulation tactics and how to respond to them appropriately and assertively.

-A question disguised as a statement

Manipulation is all about remaining in control. Asking a question could mean a loss of control if the answer is not what the manipulative person wants to hear. So, people who are manipulative don’t like asking direct questions.

To avoid asking questions, manipulative people sometimes disguise questions as statements. This might sound like, “I’m wondering why you didn’t stop by yesterday,” “I wish you would do the laundry once in a while,” or “I suppose you’re not going to invite me.”

How to respond:

Train your ear to recognize the difference between actual questions and statements. Only answer questions! Repeat the last few words of the statement back to the person in the form of a question. For example, if they say, “I suppose you’re too busy to help me clean out the garage next weekend,” your response can be, “Are you asking me to help you clean out your garage next weekend?” This will give you the opportunity to then say either yes or no.

-Making a personal statement and pretending it’s someone else’s

Again, this tactic is an effort not to lose control in the conversation. By attributing a statement to someone else, the manipulative person can avoid taking responsibility for their opinion. For example, “Everyone thinks you should move closer to us,” or “They said you would be better off going to community college.”

How to respond:

Ask, “Who is everyone?” or “Who are they?” You can also ask the manipulator to take responsibility for their own opinion by asking, “What do you think?” or “What is your point of view?”

-The silent treatment

In order to remain in or regain control, manipulative people might stop talking to you entirely. This is likely an effort to see how long it is before you crack!

How to respond:

Put the ball in the manipulator’s court by saying, “Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” and leave it at that. If you “crack” by begging them to talk to you or giving in to their demands, the manipulative person will use this tactic with you over and over again.

Dealing with manipulative people can be very tricky and draining. But if you stick to your boundaries and respond assertively to their tactics, your confidence in interacting with manipulative people will grow in no time.

Some people believe that fathers don't really contribute that much to a child's rearing. This is a large myth and research backs up the importance of father in a child's life. In this first part I will talk about how dad contributes to the child's development. In our second part I will talk about the stages of development and fatherhood and how that relates to leadership with staff as they develop.

The Father’s Contribution during Early Childhood
Be a back up to Mom.
Be involved with the child so that she can form a bonded relationship with someone other than Mom.
Be available to the child so that he can move away from Mom and establish himself as a separate person. At around four years, start taking the child out of orbit around Mom.
Provide an outlet for the child’s anger and frustration with Mom.
Lay the groundwork for development of the child’s sexual identity.
Be a source of safety and security.
Lay a foundation for interaction in future years.
Provide a parenting model for the child.


The Father’s Contribution during the Elementary School Years

Encourage the child to see herself as a productive individual.
Help the child develop competence in a variety of skill areas.
Foster healthy self-confidence in the child.
Help the child learn to contain and control his personality and emotions, especially anger.
Provide a safe environment for exploration and for learning both cognitive and social skills.
By active leadership in the family, free the child to be a child.
Clarify sexual identity for the child. Model what a son is to become and what a daughter is not to become.
Provide a parenting model for the child.


The Father’s Contribution during Adolescence

Teach the child how to relate triadically (to two other people at the same time).
Be a source of competition and modeling for a son as he grows toward manhood.
Affirm a daughter’s femininity and her growth toward womanhood.
Be available to resolve any leftover issues from the earlier stages of development.
Make his inner strength and stability available to the child, providing a counterbalance to the roller coaster of adolescence.
Model a good marriage relationship.
Present a unified authority with the mother to prevent the child from “splitting.”
Provide a blessing as the child moves into adulthood.
Provide a parenting model for the child. Provide mentoring.



Father Influence and Leadership


The Nurturing Leader; This is a leader who has new people that are training and learning the job while he sets limits with them. He also helps them with grace and care to learn the actual tasks of the job as well as the relationships involved


The Lawgiver Leader: This is the leader who sets down rules and expectations as well as defining jobs and helping the more permanent or problematic employee get on the right path. Having already provided bonding and connection this leader has the freedom to set boundaries with staff.


The Warrior-Protector Leader: Helping staff by fighting for them and against things that are problematic is very much a part of this leaders job. This leader also encourages and promotes initiative and the proper use of power in the work situation.


See Making Peace With Your Father by David Stoop, PhD

Post by Janet Henry, MA, LAC

Imagine yourself having to give a presentation at work, you stayed up most of the night rehearsing what you’re going to say. You have been preparing for weeks, and you hope to receive that job well done from your boss finally. You’re standing outside the door and peer in, seeing all the faces in the room in anticipation of what’s about to be presented, and you start feeling something. You start sweating, feel your heart racing a little faster, and are hit with a sudden bout of fear! What is going on right now, you think to yourself, I know this information inside and out?! Performance Anxiety may cause this…

What is Performance Anxiety?
It is an excessive worry or fear that can affect your ability to perform a given task, whether personal or professional, that may drum up physical symptoms and emotional distress. A type of anxiety that may present itself in anticipation of or during performing something like a work task (like a speech), a sports competition, or even a musical performance, similar to stage fright. It can also stem from not meeting self-imposed or external expectations, being judged by others, or familial pressures.

Common Symptoms of Performance Anxiety

-Intense nervousness

-Fear

-Worry about not meeting expectations (self or others) and/or failure

-Shaky voice, sweating, trembling, or a rapid heartbeat

-Dry mouth, nausea, dizziness, blurry vision

These symptoms can meaningfully affect one’s ability to perform, leading to either avoidance of the situation that may trigger anxiety or even leading to panic attacks. Some examples can be public speaking, test anxiety, stage fright, or sexual performance anxiety. While most people may just experience mild nervousness, others may have incapacitating anxiety that may hinder them from pursuing their passions, goals, and the purpose God has created us for.

Possible Causes of Performance Anxiety

-People-pleasing behaviors: fear that you may fail to meet others’ expectations in a particular situation, which leads to performance anxiety

-Family stressors: can lead to anxious thoughts/feelings, primarily if seeking approval from family members and establishing self-worth

-Self-doubt: can affect someone who may not be confident in their ability to meet societal standards, which can result in a self-fulfilling prophecy

-Past trials: negative experiences or reactions in past instances where you did try but it was received with criticism from others

-Social anxiety: you may get overwhelmed in social settings (office meeting/party/ church events) or completing a task before others

Coping Tools to Treat Performance Anxiety

-Breathing exercises: when you start to experience those common symptoms, just breathe! To help you calm down, your brain needs oxygen. Breathe in through your nose, and exhale slowly through your mouth, but go slow: inhale for 4 seconds, pause for another 4 seconds, and exhale slowly for 6 seconds. Do this for about 3-5 minutes.

-Try shaking it off: literally move your body around to help release some of that tension, hop around, flail your arms, move your head left to right

-Exercise: when you exercise, it releases endorphins, which help to override your stress response (a jog or walk).

-Meditation: It helps you to focus on the present, incorporates breathwork, and helps to ground yourself. Yes, your mind may wander but try to focus more intently on your body and breaths. We suggest practicing daily for about 15 minutes.

When we worry, it’s easy to imagine the worst-case scenario, but remember, what can happen isn’t the same as what will happen. The Bible is a great source of wisdom and direction. We find guidance in II Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind” (NKJV). We are meant to have a sound mind. My hope is that these tips help guide you to regain your power and become a more confident and grounded self. If you need a helping hand to journey alongside you for support, don’t hesitate to reach out. You got this!

This reflective Bible study offers compassionate encouragement for those wrestling with shame, self-criticism, and burnout. Rooted in Scripture and written by a licensed Christian therapist, it invites readers into God’s gentle grace and provides practical, faith-based insight for anyone seeking emotional and spiritual renewal.

Written by Cindy Picht, MA, LPC
How a Research-Based Couples Assessment Can Reveal What You’re Missing

“My partner says we communicate great, but I feel totally misunderstood.”​
​
We hear this a lot.
One of our counselors, Gerard DeMatteo, LPC, recently trained a group of pastors, therapists,
and lay leaders to facilitate a powerful relationship tool called PREPARE/ENRICH. This tool
has helped thousands of couples (including many at Light the Way) get clarity about where
they are and how to grow stronger together.

What Is PREPARE/ENRICH?
PREPARE is for dating or engaged couples.​
ENRICH is for couples who are already married.​
​
Both are online assessments that measure how you and your partner respond in key
relationship areas, such as communication, conflict resolution, money, sex, roles, and
spiritual beliefs.​
​
Couples take the assessment separately. Then, they meet with a trained facilitator who helps
them understand where they agree, where they disagree, and where they might have
misunderstood each other altogether.​
​
The power of this tool is that it gives you both something objective to look at. It’s not just
one person’s opinion anymore. It’s right there—in black and white.
A Real-Life Example
I’ve used PREPARE/ENRICH with couples since the early 2000s. Gerard was certified in
1995, and the tool has been around since 1980. It’s grounded in decades of research.​
​
Over the years, I’ve seen incredible things happen:​
- Couples who didn’t think they had any significant issues suddenly understood each other
in a whole new way​
- Engaged couples who realized they were heading in different directions—and lovingly
chose not to marry​
- Couples who felt stuck for years finally have the language to say what they’re really feeling​
​

I’d estimate that over 90% of the couples I’ve walked through PREPARE/ENRICH who chose
to marry are still together today.
What You’ll Get
When you take the assessment, here’s what to expect:​
- A comprehensive report of your strengths and growth areas that the facilitator
receives –
-An abridged report for you
-6–8 structured sessions with a trained counselor​
- Skills and exercises to help you grow in:​
- Communication​
- Conflict resolution​
- Understanding personality differences​
- Intimacy and shared values​
- Homework that deepens your connection between sessions​
​
It’s not just a quiz—it’s a map. And your counselor walks with you through every
step.
Why Use a Counselor?
PREPARE/ENRICH is a great tool, but it becomes even more powerful when you process it
with someone who’s trained to spot deeper patterns and help you work through them.​
​
At Light the Way, many of our therapists—Cindy, Gerard, Janet, and Esther—are certified in
PREPARE/ENRICH, as are our licensed Marriage and Family therapists.
Ready to See Where You Stand?
Whether you’ve been together for a few months or a few decades, PREPARE/ENRICH can
give you a clear view of where you’re thriving and where there’s room to grow.​
​
📞 Call 201-444-8103 ext. #1 to schedule a consultation.​
Let’s put it in black and white—and grow from there.

Join our Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Group and embark on a transformative journey towards a calmer, more centered you. In this engaging experience, you'll learn effective stress reduction techniques designed to alleviate anxiety and stress, fostering a sense of inner peace and resilience in facing life's challenges. We'll guide you through practices aimed at enhancing your focus and clarity, enabling you to sharpen your concentration and make more thoughtful, informed decisions. Beyond individual benefits, you'll become part of a vibrant, supportive community of like-minded individuals equally committed to exploring mindfulness and its profound effects on well-being. Together, we'll cultivate a space of connection, learning, and personal growth. Whether you're new to mindfulness or looking to deepen your practice, our group offers a welcoming and enriching environment to discover the transformative power of mindfulness.

#Mindfulness #StressReduction #Community #Focus #Clarity

Counseling sessions offer a refuge for individuals seeking guidance and support to navigate life's myriad challenges. In a world that can be overwhelming and often leaves one searching for deeper meaning, integrating biblical wisdom into counseling has been found beneficial for those who draw strength from their faith. This integration can offer comfort, provide moral direction, and help individuals cope with life’s struggles in a way that aligns with their spiritual beliefs.

The Harmony of Scripture and Counseling Techniques

The Bible, for many, is a source of profound wisdom and solace. It is rich with stories, parables, and teachings that can provide insight into human nature, ethical dilemmas, and the struggles of the human experience. For a counselor aiming to incorporate Scripture into counseling, it is essential to recognize the client's specific spiritual beliefs and ensure that the use of biblical principles complements the therapeutic goals.

Methods to Integrate Biblical Wisdom into Counseling

1. Identifying Resonant Passages

Begin by identifying passages from the Bible that resonate with the client's situation. Encourage the exploration of verses that speak to their particular struggles, whether it’s grappling with loss, facing anxiety, or seeking purpose. For instance, Philippians 4:6-7 offers comfort for those dealing with anxiety, while Psalms can be a source of solace for those in mourning.

2. Encouraging Reflection and Personal Connection

Facilitate reflection on how these passages relate to the client's life. The counselor can guide the client through reflective exercises that allow them to find personal meaning and relevance in the Scripture, making the text come alive in their current context.

3. Positive Affirmation

Use Scripture for positive affirmation. Biblical verses can be used to reinforce the client's worth, divine love, and purpose, which can be powerful in combating negative self-thoughts and boosting self-esteem. For instance, verses like Psalm 139:14, which speaks to being fearfully and wonderfully made, can affirm one’s identity.

4. Teach Forgiveness and Compassion

The Bible emphasizes forgiveness and compassion, critical components in therapy, especially when dealing with interpersonal conflicts. Verses that teach about forgiveness can help individuals find the strength to forgive themselves and others, fostering healing and reconciliation.

5. Creating a Space for Spiritual Growth

Allow counseling sessions to be a space where spiritual growth is encouraged. Discussing biblical principles can deepen the client’s understanding of their spirituality, helping them to grow in their faith and find strength in their beliefs.

6. Incorporating Prayer

For those who are comfortable, prayer can be integrated into sessions. Prayer can be a powerful therapeutic tool, providing a moment of quiet reflection, surrender, and connection with God. It can be tailored to address the specific concerns of the client.

7. Developing Ethical Frameworks

Biblical teachings can help solidify ethical frameworks for clients making difficult decisions. Counselors can guide discussions on moral dilemmas by exploring biblical principles and stories that illustrate virtuous behavior and character.

Finding Balance and Unity

The intersection of Scripture and counseling requires balance. It should respect the client's autonomy while embracing the therapeutic power of faith. Combining the structure and insight of psychological practice with the depth and meaning found in Scripture can provide a well-rounded approach to healing and growth.

Embrace the Journey of Faith-Based Counseling

If you feel that integrating Scripture into your counseling sessions could aid in your journey toward wellness, reach out to a counselor who respects and understands the value of your faith. When biblical wisdom walks alongside professional guidance, a unique and holistic path to healing can emerge. Call 443-860-6870 today and explore how the spiritual depth of the Bible can be woven into your personal growth and recovery.

Discover Hope and Healing Through Biblical Counseling Books
Explore a powerful collection of Christian counseling resources designed to guide you through life’s challenges with faith and wisdom. From finding purpose and overcoming addiction to navigating grief, renewing your mind, and preparing for eternity—each book offers biblical insight, practical steps, and compassionate encouragement for every stage of life, including a special guide for teens.

Understanding Generalized Anxiety and What You Can Do About It
A few years ago, I worked with a client who constantly worried about his family—how they would make it in life, and what he needed to do to help. We explored what was in his control and what wasn’t. Together, we created practical strategies to help him manage his responsibilities and ease the mental burden.
The GAD-7 Tool
I asked him to complete a short assessment called the GAD-7, which helps identify symptoms of anxiety. When he read his results, the lightbulb went off. “I had no idea this had a name,” he said, relieved to finally make sense of what he’d been feeling.
GAD stands for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and the “7” refers to the number of core symptoms it screens for (plus one bonus question about daily functioning).
The tool asks how often you've been bothered by the following symptoms in the past two weeks. Write down your answers using this scale:
• 0 – Not at all
• 1 – Several days
• 2 – More than half the days
• 3 – Nearly every day
Want to try it?
Here are the questions. Write down your answers on a separate piece of paper.
1. Feeling nervous, anxious, or on edge.
2. Not being able to stop or control worrying.
3. Worrying too much about different things.
4. Trouble relaxing.
5. Being so restless that it is hard to sit still.
6. Becoming easily annoyed or irritable.
7. Feeling afraid as if something awful might happen.
8. How difficult have these problems made it for you to do your work, take care of things at home, or get along with other people? The choices here are: not difficult at all, somewhat difficult, very difficult, or extremely difficult.
Check your results
If you scored a few 1s, 2s, or 3s, it’s worth paying attention. If you notice a pattern or feel like your worries are interfering with daily life, working with a therapist can help you get clarity and relief.
What to do right now
At Light the Way, we use tools and insights from experts like Amen Clinics to understand better how anxiety affects your brain and body. One area often involved in anxiety is the Basal Ganglia—a part of the brain that can become overactive when you feel worried, tense, or afraid of the worst-case scenario.
While you don’t need to know neuroscience, it helps to know that there are natural, science-based ways to help calm this part of your brain.
Here are some suggestions you can start right now to help calm your Basal Ganglia:
• Exercise daily – Even a 30-minute walk can calm your nervous system.
• Listen to calming music – Slow, instrumental music can ease tension.
• Try ANT Therapy – That stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Notice your negative self-talk and challenge it with truth. The negative thought can also be stated in a more positive way
• Cut back on caffeine and alcohol – Both can overstimulate your system.
• Try meditation or prayer – Choose a practice that aligns with your values.
• Practice assertiveness – Anxiety often increases when we don’t speak up for ourselves.
Next Steps
If you discovered you may be living with anxiety, and you want to lessen it, pick one tool from the list above and commit to it daily for 1–2 weeks. See how you feel. Then, try adding another.
Consistency is more important than intensity. Small, steady steps can bring lasting relief.

It’s one of life’s deepest joys to raise a child—to pour yourself into them, teach them what is right, model compassion, selflessness, and generosity, and hope they grow to reflect those values in their own lives. Many parents do just that. They serve their families tirelessly, give without hesitation, and raise their children with hearts full of love and sacrifice. But sometimes, despite all of this, a child grows up and chooses a different path. This is one of the hardest truths for a parent to face: when an adult child strays from the values they were taught, it can feel like a personal failure. A painful question begins to whisper in the heart: Where did I go wrong? Let me offer you this comfort—perhaps you did nothing wrong at all.

Giving and Serving Is Never Wasted

Love given is never wasted. Service modeled is never lost. You may not see the results today or even in your lifetime, but the seeds you planted matter. They matter because they were planted in love, and love never returns void. Your example, your sacrifice, your consistency—they speak volumes, even if your child seems to have tuned them out. Scripture reminds us in Galatians 6:9,
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Keep doing good. Keep living out the example. The harvest may not come in your timing—but that doesn’t mean it won’t come.

Every human being is a mix of nature and nurture. While we as parents can shape, teach, and guide, we cannot override our children’s free will or their unique temperaments. Some personalities are naturally bent toward service; they thrive on helping others and find joy in lifting up those around them. Others may lean toward self-interest, not because they weren’t loved properly, but because their wiring or experiences drew them that way. We can influence, but we cannot control.

You Gave What You Were Meant to Give

If you served your children with humility, kindness, and love, you fulfilled your calling. You gave them the best foundation you could. Whether or not they build on that foundation is ultimately their responsibility.

And remember even the most faithful gardener can’t force a seed to sprout. You tended the soil. You watered with patience. You shielded with prayer. You nurtured the roots. If your child chooses another direction, that doesn't invalidate the gardener’s work—it simply shows that every soul takes its own journey.

Proverbs 22:6 encourages us with this truth: “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”The word “old” reminds us that sometimes the fruit takes time. What was planted in their youth may return to them in maturity. Their current choices don’t erase the impact of early training. They just haven’t come back to it yet.

Not All Mature at the Same Time

It’s also important to know that the story isn't over. Just because your child is not walking in the way you hoped today doesn't mean that they never will. Many adults grow into the values they once ignored. Life has a way of reshaping hearts and reawakening dormant seeds of truth. Not all fruit ripens at the same time. Some of the most compassionate, service-minded adults once resisted every ounce of wisdom they were given. And yet, something clicked later in life. A crisis. A moment of clarity. A realization of all their parents quietly did for them. Don’t give up hope. You never know what turning point may come.

You’re Still Their Example

Even now, you continue to teach—not always with words, but with your enduring grace. When you resist bitterness, when you continue to love without conditions, when you keep living your values without resentment or despair, you’re still serving your child. You’re showing them that giving isn’t reward. It’s about love. And that’s the truest gift of all.

Love Looks Forward

To every parent who is grieving the gap between their values and their child’s choices: be at peace. You are not defined by your child’s path. You are defined by your own. Your giving was not a waste. Your serving was not in vain. And your love still matters—more than you know.

Stay faithful to who you are. Keep loving. Keep serving. And trust that even the most wayward hearts are not beyond the reach of grace.

1. The Phantom Mom

This mom is cold and distant to a degree. Beyond culture, it might be for all kinds of reasons. But there is a lack of emotional connection between her and at least one of her children.

2. The China Doll Mom

The China doll mom is fragile and easily upset. She has trouble handling other people’s emotions. She can be too distant or too close or switch randomly between the two but negative emotions seem to crush her.

3. The Controlling Mom

Fueled by anxiety, the controlling mom attempts to control and hover over the child as a way of binding her anxiety and other emotions including loneliness or even shame.

4. The Trophy Mom

The trophy mom turns her children into trophies or stars in order to emotionally satisfy herself, her lack of accomplishments or self-esteem.

5. The Still-The-Boss Mom

This mother has never let go of the role of being a mom from the early days of motherhood. Even as a child has clearly reached adulthood the still-the-boss mom wants to oversee the adult child’s life.

6. The American Express Mom

The American Express mom will tend to spoil the child and not let the child have the consequences and problems of their own natural irresponsibility as a child. Sometimes this is a way to exert control over the child, to cover loneliness and to create friendship that is actually inappropriate for a child or adolescent.

Remember to balance these verses: "Honor thy mother and father..." and "Do not throw your pearls before..." This last verse do not mean your mom(or boss) is a pig or a dog, but it does mean it's important to set boundaries with intrusion, hostility or entitlement.

The Boss Factor

What is it about my boss that's bugging me so much? Why am I being triggered by my boss in ways that I sometimes can't understand? Perhaps your boss is reminding you of the first leader you ever met: your mom.


Based on the moms we find in The Mom Factor by Henry Cloud and John Townsend, I thought it might be a good idea to look at leaders that emulate some of the more dysfunctional aspects of motherhood.

The first boss is the China Doll Boss. This boss is the boss that is fragile, and he makes you afraid of actually telling him anything that might be close to the truth. Those financial reports better look good or you're afraid that he'll be so disappointed that he'll break. This boss is too distant sometimes or too close and in the process of micromanaging gives you the impression that they'll be crushed by things if they don't do a 100% perfect job. Fear and anxiety are driving forces behind this type of boss.

The Phantom Boss is the boss that's never really there. Everybody on board may be highly developed and may not need that much leadership or management but this boss is so removed that it's difficult to get vision, mission or actual goals about what is important in the company or organization. This boss is frequently depressed or doesn't really want to be in the position.

Our next boss is the Controlling Boss who can make you crazy with micromanagement and rigid rules and ways of being that treat you like a child. This can be triggering for anybody even a person without a controlling mother or dad. The controlling boss frequently runs on anxiety and hopes that you will be responsible for their feelings, their life, or their happiness as you do exactly what they want all the time.

Like the Controlling Boss, the Still-The-Boss Boss is the boss that never gets out of the boss developmental stage with new employees. This is the stage, a la Ken Blanchard and Situational Leadership, where the boss is doing a lot of structure and coaching. The only problem is as a staff member gets more and more capable and confident, this boss doesn't let up and let them find their own way within the working environment. Years later they're still treating you like you just got there. Just as the controlling boss is anxiety ridden so is this boss.

The Trophy Boss can be kind of fun sometimes because they're championing you and helping you feel like you're great much of the time. You or somebody on staff is their Star. The only problem is that if you fail or have other ideas in contrary to this boss you become a pariah to this person. The expectations and obligations towards you can help you feel crazy. This boss frequently needs some of their own success or some connections.

The American Express Boss is the boss who spoils his or her employees. Whatever you want you got it when you want it. The only problem is this boss has the animals running the zoo. Their lack of boundaries and direction can really help people in the organization feel crazy. They don't allow consequences or set boundaries. This boss wants to be liked at any price. They may feel afraid of conflict and lonely on the inside. I saw a pastor play this role and destroy the church from the inside.

Remind you of anybody? How about yourself? Even a little behavior like this can be trouble for an organization. The sort of behavior or attitudes can trigger people who had parents that acted in a parallel way. Sometimes staff are triggered even when what they're seeing isn't real. Nevertheless, it's important to strive to avoid these areas as a boss and be a servant leader with good boundaries and good bonding. As an employee one of the most effective ways that you can deal with these types of bosses is to try to engage them at the feeling level. Coaching or counseling can be very helpful for a person that seems to be stuck in one of these areas.

What are intensive sessions?
Intensive sessions are extended therapy sessions. They allow individuals, families, or couples to meet beyond the standard 45-50 minute session time. Extended sessions can last anywhere from 90 minutes to 4 hours at a time over 1-3 days. These sessions may be scheduled semi-regularly, on a bi-weekly or monthly cadence. Other individuals find benefit in meeting for only one extended session or multiple days in a row. Many individuals who participate in intensives with us discover a quicker route to healing & transformation.
There is no right or wrong length of time, as we do not take a one-size-fits-all approach. We will partner with you in order to determine the best approach and make sure you are comfortable every step of the way. We use a Holistic and Christ-centered therapy approach in extended sessions. Often referring to what God, the creator of the Universe, says about you in order to reframe the negative self-talk in your mind.
Where are your intensive sessions located?

In person or virtual. Our intensive outpatient weekend therapy serves clients in sunny Ventura, California. Accessible to people in the vicinity of Santa Monica, Malibu, Calabasas, Santa Barbara, Ojai & surrounding areas. We also offer these services via confidential & secure video for people located throughout California, Florida & South Carolina. You only need to be in one of these states for the intensive session. If travel is an option for you, it may be worth considering a retreat-style intensive session with us.
How can intensive sessions help?

Our rapid relief therapy sessions assist individuals in moving through aspects that seem to be holding them back or hindering the progress they wish to make. The typical therapy session can leave some people feeling stuck and overwhelmed with having to come back week after week for little progress. Many of my clients tell me they only start feeling “warmed up" around the 30-minute mark in session. They feel like a breakthrough is ready to happen, only to be moved to close out for the session to end on time. Another week goes by with mounting personal issues and a limited capacity to handle them all. They have the space to process the week, which can be a blessing, but in reality, is also very limiting. So much more work can be done, which is why we have found that moving outside the limits of time constraints leads to lasting change. You were meant for more; you can feel it, but you aren’t sure which direction to go. We are happy to walk alongside you while you work toward your goals.
We have intensive clients who find that meeting for maintenance sessions on a regular or semi-regular cadence can be beneficial. While others prefer to maintain work with their regular therapists before and after our intensives together. As we discussed earlier, there really is no right or wrong way to engage in intensive sessions. Our goal is to provide the space you need to knock down barriers, connect to the purpose God has for your life, and experience improved emotional well-being. Dramatic change can happen over a weekend, something years of therapy often can not achieve.

What kind of issues are addressed in intensive therapy sessions?
We address an array of issues that may be present in your life. These may include, but are not limited to, historical or current traumas, limiting self-beliefs, anxiety, depression, relationship & communication issues. We work with adult individuals, families with minor & adult children & couples.

How does it work?
The first step is to reach out for a consult in order to determine if working together would be beneficial. We will set up a 15-20 minute call & you will have the opportunity to ask any questions or get clarification on aspects of what we offer. It is important that you are stable & not in active crisis in order to get the most out of our sessions together. After the consult we schedule an intake session where we meet by phone or video for 45-60 minutes in order to formulate goals & a plan for our intensive session. We will determine meeting date & length of time. In order to encourage a commitment to yourself, a 50% deposit will be required at time of booking & refunds are not provided.
Who are intensive not right for?
It is important for all of us to understand there are some limits to intensive sessions. Individuals in active crisis, experiencing suicidality or who are in active addictions would not be candidates. Couples who do not have the same goals for therapy, who are not sure they want to stay in the marriage or if there is an ongoing affair would not benefit from our intensive therapy format. If you fins yourself needing urgent support please reach out to 988 via call or text.

I have had my fair share of suffering in life, as I assume you also have if you've decided to read this, and I would like to say that I "evolved" in my understanding of the purpose of suffering and how God truly gets the glory when I'm going through the worst moments of my life.


One particular scripture comes to mind:


"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love." Romans 5:3-5


This scripture always reminds me that the suffering we endure isn't for nothing, but is very much so purposeful. In the moment, we feel that it's unfair to endure what we're up against, but from God's perspective, it's the best way for us to grow in particular areas because we are here (on this earth) for HIM not OURSELVES.


Ouch.. I know that probably stung a bit, but one thing you'll hear from me is the truth, but it will always be clothed in care because that's exactly how God communicates with me and would want His truth to be delivered.


We are promised an abundant life and prosperity, but we are also promised trials, tribulations, and inconveniences. God never designed this life for us to receive one side of things and erase the other. BOTH work in contingent with each other to achieve God's perfect will, and to bring us to Himself.


That's why our suffering glorifies Him. Because we grow in many areas and we learn to seek His aid in everything. There is no growth without suffering.


So if you have suffered any trauma or are currently suffering through something, I want to encourage you begin offering that suffering to God and asking for His strength to endure what you're facing. It may be helpful to ask God these questions:


1. What is the purpose of this particular situation I'm suffering through?

2. What are You revealing about me or others in this situation?

3. What are the lessons I need to learn through this?

4. How should I change my thinking about this situation to align more with Your will?


Not only does these questions cause you to go deeper in understanding more about God's plans for you in the midst of your suffering, but it also opens up the opportunity for you to build true intimacy with Him.


I pray this encourages you in your life's journey.

**If you're a woman in Florida or Illinois looking for more direction to start your growth and healing journey, please visit my website to schedule a consultation and discuss more details!


Your Sister in Christ,


Dominique S. Russell, MA, LCPC

May is a month that comes in full bloom.

The days stretch longer. Blossoms spill onto sidewalks. The air fills with the scent of possibility—and for many, a rush of emotion. School years wind down, graduation gowns are steamed and ready, and families gather to celebrate milestones large and small. For some, it’s a time of deep joy, pride, or relief. For others, it may bring a quieter ache—longing for what hasn’t come, mourning what’s been lost, or feeling left out of celebrations altogether.

In my work with women, couples, and families, I often hear how the “big feelings” of this month stir things up. You might find yourself feeling multiple things at once: proud and depleted, joyful and tender, hopeful and overwhelmed. You may be gearing up for “swimsuit season” with a new sense of confidence—or facing body image struggles that whisper old, unkind stories. Mother’s Day may be a treasured time to celebrate beloved women in your life—or a tender reminder of absence, grief, or complex relationships.

Whatever is present for you this month, I want to offer this simple truth:
Your feelings are valid. They matter. And they are worthy of gentle attention.

The Emotional Landscape of May

If you’re feeling a bit emotionally scrambled this month, you’re not alone. May tends to hold a mix of:

Celebratory Moments:

A sense of renewal as the weather shifts
Graduations, proms, and “move-up” ceremonies
A fresh start in health or wellness routines
Mother’s Day celebrations with loved ones


Tender or Complicated Emotions:

Grief for a mother, child, or dream not yet fulfilled
Loneliness or exclusion from seasonal milestones
Pressure around body image or comparison
Emotional whiplash from everyone else's "highlight reels"


Scripture reminds us in Romans 12:15:
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
Sometimes, we’re doing both at the same time.


Making Space for Your Truth

We often feel pressure to “match” the emotional tone around us. To smile when we’re hurting. To push down grief in the face of someone else’s joy. But our emotional world is sacred ground. You are allowed to name what’s real for you, even when it doesn’t fit the mood of the month.

Here are a few questions for gentle reflection:

What’s blooming in me right now—and what’s still tender or raw?
Are there emotions I’ve been pushing aside that need a moment of acknowledgment?
What’s one expectation (mine or someone else’s) I can release this month?
Where might I need to offer myself more compassion or room for joy?

Try journaling these questions, bringing them into prayer, or just being present with them on a quiet walk.


Simple Ways to Care for Yourself in Every Mood

You don’t have to fix your feelings—you can simply care for them. Here are a few small ways to honor whatever you're carrying this month:


If You're Celebrating...

Take time to savor—write down the moment or share it with a friend.
Ground yourself with gratitude, but don’t guilt yourself for your joy.
Reach out to someone who may need encouragement—it helps deepen your celebration.


If You're Grieving, Tender, or Feeling Disconnected...

Light a candle for what you've lost or long for.
Write a letter—to God, to your future self, or even to someone you’ve lost.
Create your own mini-ritual: a walk, a favorite meal, a private moment of remembrance.
Take a social media break if scrolling amplifies comparison or grief.


For Everyone...

Let your body lead: rest when tired, stretch when stiff, and move when you feel stuck.
Reconnect with God, not through striving but through stillness.
Nourish your soul with something that brings quiet joy: a song, a book, or a cup of tea in the sun.
Make time to connect with those who see you and embrace you fully as you are.


Closing Thought

May is a garden. Some parts are bursting with color. Others are just beginning to grow. Some may still feel hidden, waiting for the right time to bloom. Wherever you are in the landscape of this month, know this:

You are allowed to feel what you feel. You are worthy of gentleness and joy. And you are not alone.

Join us for a free, in-person session at New Life Church in Henderson, Texas, as part of the Exchanged Life Series. This session will explore the journey of grief and loss through a biblical lens, offering grace-based insights, emotional validation, and Christ-centered hope. Whether you are grieving a loved one, a relationship, or a difficult life transition, you’ll be encouraged and supported as we uncover how God meets us in our pain.

Register here👉 www.christian-counseling.org/grief-class

When we hear the word “burnout,” most of us think of long hours, overbooked calendars, and sheer exhaustion. But what if burnout isn’t just about how much we do?

What if it’s about how deeply we care—and how deeply we feel betrayed when our care is not honored?

For many, burnout doesn’t stem from doing too much. It stems from giving too much to environments that don’t see them, don’t support them, and don’t align with their core values. This isn’t just tiredness—it’s heartbreak. It’s emotional betrayal.

The Deeper Truth Behind Burnout

We’ve been taught to link burnout solely to output—too much work, not enough rest. But people don’t burn out from passion. They burn out when the places they give their passion to don’t give back.

When you show up with dedication, empathy, and loyalty to a job, a company, or a mission—and in return, you’re met with indifference, unrealistic demands, or toxic culture—that’s betrayal. You trusted the system with your energy, and that trust was broken.

The Silent Symptoms of Betrayal-Based Burnout

Unlike traditional burnout that feels like fatigue, betrayal-based burnout carries a different weight. You may notice:

Emotional disconnection – You stop caring about the things you used to love.
Resentment – A quiet anger builds as you feel unseen or taken for granted.
Cynicism – You start questioning the point of your work or your purpose.
Loss of identity – You wonder who you are when your values are constantly compromised.

This isn’t just a sign you need a vacation. It’s a sign your emotional safety has been violated.

When Values and Systems Clash

We all have a deep need to live in alignment with our values—whether that’s compassion, justice, creativity, or authenticity. When we’re in systems that require us to:

Stay silent about injustice
Put profits over people
Numb our emotions to survive
Be productive over being human

—we experience internal dissonance. The result? A spiritual, emotional, and even physical breakdown. That’s what many are mislabeling as “just burnout.”

Healing Starts with Naming the Betrayal

You can’t heal what you won’t name. And if you’re in a place of burnout that no amount of rest seems to fix, it may be time to ask:

What part of me has been betrayed here?
Where have I silenced my truth to stay safe or employed?
What values am I sacrificing, and at what cost?

Naming the emotional betrayal helps reclaim your power. It puts the responsibility back on systems—not just individuals—to cultivate environments where trust, humanity, and well-being are honored.

Steps Toward Recovery and Reconnection

To begin healing from betrayal-based burnout, consider these trauma-informed steps:

Reconnect with Your Voice

Start journaling your unmet needs and silenced thoughts. What truths have you buried to survive?
Honor Your Boundaries

Learn to say no, reclaim rest, and recognize that your worth is not tied to productivity.
Find Value-Aligned Community

Healing accelerates when you’re seen, heard, and supported by people who share your values.
Practice Radical Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself for staying too long in systems that didn’t serve you. You did what you needed to survive.

Give Yourself Permission to Choose Again

Whether it’s changing roles, shifting careers, or redefining your goals—remember, you are allowed to change your mind when your soul is no longer in agreement.

Final Thoughts: This Isn’t Weakness—It’s Wisdom

Burnout is not a flaw in you. It’s a signal from your body, mind, and soul that something isn’t working. And when that something is emotional betrayal, the healing requires more than time off. It requires truth-telling, soul-tending, and systemic change.

So the next time you feel burnout creeping in, pause and ask yourself:

Is this really about the hours I’m working… or the parts of me I’m abandoning to keep working?

Meta Description:

Discover the hidden reason behind burnout. It’s not always about doing too much—it’s about emotional betrayal when your values are ignored. Learn how to heal from value-based burnout.

Our relationship with God—what we believe about His love, presence, and trustworthiness—often draws from more than just theology. The foundation for how we understand love, safety, and connection is often shaped by our earliest human relationships. For some, those early experiences were warm and supportive. For others, they may have been marked by unpredictability, neglect, or pain.
When childhood involves adversity, some people find that these experiences negatively influence how they relate to God later in life. Others, raised in difficult environments, feel deeply connected to a loving and protective God. Others fall somewhere in between, still exploring how their past experiences and their spiritual life intersect. There’s no one right way to relate to God—but the intersection of trauma and faith is a topic worth exploring, both in therapy and in research. By asking questions rather than offering answers, we can begin to understand how early experiences may (or may not) influence a person’s spiritual journey.

Your Voice Matters: Invitation to Participate in Research
I’m conducting a study to better understand the relationship between childhood trauma, post-traumatic outcomes, and attachment to God. The study aims to explore how people’s early life experiences might shape their relationship with God.
If you’re 18 or older, have experienced at least one adverse childhood experience (ACE), and believe in a higher power, I would be grateful for your participation. Your perspective could offer valuable insights into how faith and trauma intersect, and how this connection can inform spiritual care in the mental health field.

https://northwestupsych.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7QgxS4FgCDtpFFI

Thank you for considering this opportunity to share your story. Please feel free to pass this along to others who may be interested.

Anxiety isn’t just a passing feeling; it’s a real, often relentless battleground where our thoughts, emotions, and faith collide. It can be a daily struggle fought behind smiles and silent prayers, a private war that no one ever sees.
Anxiety doesn't ask for permission before it storms in. It attacks without warning, weaving fearful "what-ifs" into the mind and weighing the heart down with invisible burdens. It convinces you that you're alone in the fight, that you're not strong enough, and peace is out of reach.
BUT THAT IS NOT THE TRUTH.
The truth is God is with you and loves you, and He is here to help you if you let Him.
Anxiety is a battleground because it wages war in three crucial areas:
1. The Mind: The Battlefield of Thoughts
Anxiety often begins with racing thoughts—ruminating over worst-case scenarios, overanalyzing conversations, and anticipating failures that haven’t happened (and may never happen).
In this mental battleground, anxious thoughts are like enemy forces planting seeds of fear and doubt. The mind loops through fears in an endless cycle, making it difficult to focus, work, or rest.
Yet, the mind can also be where victory begins. Scripture tells us in Romans 12:2 to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Taking every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) is not just good advice; it is a spiritual weapon. When we challenge fearful thoughts with truth, we begin reclaiming territory that anxiety has tried to steal.
2. The Heart: The Battlefield of Emotions
Anxiety is not just logical, it is deeply emotional. It stirs up dread, sadness, anger, and sometimes even guilt. It makes the heart feel heavy, overwhelmed by the enormity of life's uncertainties.
In the emotional realm, anxiety fights to strip away hope and joy. It tempts you to retreat, to shut down, or to lash out.
But the heart, too, is guarded and strengthened by something greater. Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."
By turning to prayer, community, and intentional self-care, we fortify the heart against the siege of anxiety.
3. The Spirit: The Battlefield of Faith
Perhaps the most subtle and painful battleground is in the spirit. Anxiety whispers lies about God’s nearness and goodness. "Where is He now?" it asks. "Does He really care?"
But faith answers back louder.
It clings to the truth that God is closer than our breath, that His promises are not invalidated by our emotions. FEELINGS ARE NOT FACT.
In 2 Timothy 1:7, we’re reminded: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Even when the battle feels overwhelming, God’s presence is unwavering. The fight against anxiety is not fought alone. We have a Defender who goes before us and stands with us.
Finding Strength on the Battleground
If anxiety feels like a constant war, take heart, you’re not weak for fighting. You’re courageous for standing your ground every day. And the truth is, victory is not found in striving harder; it is found in surrender.
Surrender doesn't mean giving in to anxiety; it means handing the battle over to the One who has already overcome the world.
Through prayer, renewing our minds with truth, connecting with supportive community, seeking professional help when needed, and remembering that the struggle is real, but so is God.
Anxiety may be a battleground, but you are not defeated.
You are seen.
You are loved.
And you are stronger than you feel right now.
"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still." — Exodus 14:14 (NLT)
#anxirty #mental health #battleground #caterpillarcounselingllc